What’s an orange’s favourite animal? An orange-utan.
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
What do you get if a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
Why did the orange go to the doctor?
“It wasn’t peeling well.”
Why can't the bankrupt Hindu complain? He's got no beef.
Why do basketball players love cookies? Because they can dunk them!
Who’s an apple’s favorite relative?
Granny.
What’s the only type of melon that changes colours at will? Well, a chamelon.
Whenever the peach gets angry, it looks at my face and screams: “You are just a peach of sh*t!”
Q: What do you call a scary berry?
A: A boo-berry.
When do franks tell insults? At a wienie roast!
It's Taco Night, so on my way home, I grabbed a bag of shredded cheese at the store, queso we needed some more.
.
I work in security, and i want to get a pumpkin for my desk
It shall be a security gourd.
I'm worried that the milk I got this morning was from a cloned cow. It tasted exactly like the milk I had yesterday.
What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.
Why did the cherry go to the good drinks factory? It was cordially invited.
What did Snow White call her chicken?
Egg White.
Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam's banana.
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
What is a potato’s life philosophy? I think, therefore I yam.
The national news did a story on my friend's bumper crop of green citrus fruits.
He loves being in the limelight.
I was surprised at the number of onions needed for this dish- it calls for shallot of onions.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
Having chicken broth before the game was a sure shot way to maintain energy for the Soup-er Bowl.
How does Reese eat her ice cream?
Witherspoon.
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
Why did the citrus fruit join the military?
“Because it was a navel orange.”
I saw a road sign the other day that said "Dip In Road"
I turned the corner and drove straight into a load of hummus
What does an ice cream lawyer say?
You got served.
Wife dropped a jar of pickles upon opening the fridge; glass and pickle juice went all over the kitchen floor.
Me: Don't worry, it's not a big dill.
Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
The guilty conscience of stealing and consuming a whole peach is getting to me. I feel like there's a pit in my gut.
Did you hear that the diet clinic was doing great business? They say that it’d really take your breadth away.
What kind of cookies do poor people want during Halloween? Fortune cookies.
What do you call a male orange?
Mangerine!
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
Why did the slice of bread leave her boyfriend? She thought that he was just too knead-y.
Swallowing a cherry stone is not the end of the world. It’s just one of life’s little pitfalls.
Who were the first cheese lovers ever?
Edam and Eve.
What do you call a dinosaur that drinks curry? A Mega-sore-arse.
Why did the daddy peach teach the child peach to shave? He was starting to grow peach fuzz.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
Q: Where do fruits like to go on vacations?
A: To the peach.
What do you call a pickle you got at a cheap price?
A sweet dill.
Who is the corniest baseball player of all time?
Ty Cobb!
I went to watch a play and there were so many peach errors in the dialogues.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
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