What do you call an everyday potato? A commentater!
Why did the pig become an actress? Because she was a real ham!
While cutting the onions, my eyes were leek-ing tears
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, what are you doing this fall? 'Cause I'd like to make you part of the season's harvest.
They're not going to grow bananas any longer.
Apparently, they're long enough already.
What is the only time you start at the red and stop at the green?
“When you eat a watermelon!”
The strawberry went out with the grape only because he couldn't find a date.
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
Hot dog, I love a good meat pun.
Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?
Through the grapevine.
Those people are preparing peach gelato because they want to demonstrate their rights to freeze peach!
What did the cheese say after escaping the mouse? I'm Brieeee!
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
What do you call a pear in a compressor?
Pear pressure!
When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"
My wife was trying to feed our son a pear, and he was refusing.
I said, Good news. Our son is immune to pear pressure.
Strawberries are berry healthy. They pack a punch when it comes to beating cancer and other diseases.
Why did the baker quit making donuts?
Because he was fed up with the hole business!
When the orange started peeling, he was glad it was finally cutting some weight.
What do you call two watermelons that are not allowed to get married? A couple of can’t- elopes.
What does a worry wart drink? Safe-Tea.
Why don’t oranges go around blind?
“Because they take Vitamin See!”
Why are oranges the smartest fruit?
Because they are made to concentrate.
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
A cabbage said to a DJ “lettuce turnip the beet!”
I’m chocolate to my appointment!
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
What do you call a metalhead working at Cold Stone? Alice Scooper.
Why will you never meet an ice cream workaholic?
They know how to chill out.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
What do you give to a sick lemon?
lemonaid.
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
What type of person doesn’t like pizza?
A weir-dough.
"You focaccia bag, crumb back and get it."
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
What a load of bologna.
Why didn't the butcher cross the road? He didn't want to brisket!
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
Did you hear about the lowest grade of steak? It's where the rubber meats the road.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow-weenie!”
Do you want to try my soup? I have enough for broth of us!
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling
I put some salt on my mobile. Now it’s a saxaphone.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
What's the difference between French fries and orange juice?
You can make orange juice out of orange, but not French fries out of French
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
Mom: Did you watch the movie with the little pumpkins?
Dad: I stopped it early because it was too gourdy for me.
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