What did the doughnut say to the pizza?
If I had as much dough as you, I wouldn’t be hanging around this hole.
If Santa made love to a pickle, what would they call their baby?
Claussen.
What do you get when you cross a pickle with an alligator?
A crocodill.
What did one bread lover say to the other?
Before I break down and rye, I want you to know that I loaf you.
How do berries start off the fruity olympics? They cherry the Olympic torch around the globe.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
What's in a honeymoon salad?
Lettuce alone
What type of a computer does a horse like to eat? A Macintosh
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
If you put a strawberry in the freezer, you can make a strawberry shake!
What do you call half a head of lettuce?
The Romaine-der.
What can you make with 6.02 x 10^23 avocados?
Guaca-mole.
What do you say to an avocado who’s done a good job?
“Bravocado!”
That wide loaf has a decent bread-th. Nice.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
"Rosé all day."
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
What do we call a chicken inside a hot tub? – It is called soup.
What's grandma's favorite fruit?
a Ba-nana.
Where’s a donut’s favorite vacation spot?
The Sahara dessert!
"I'll be right back, I need to go for a pea," said the fruit during the interval.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything.
Why did the pirate have a pumpkin strapped to his arm?
He was a squash-buckler.
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate? A Kitty Kat bar!
What does a pirate pay for his corn?
A buccaneer!
Everything in this world is either a potato or not a potato
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.
What does bread say to a friend after doing them a favor?
It’s the yeast I could do.
The reason he went smiling all the way to the jail is because the judge sentenced him to a life behind chocolate bars.
Wife told me to grow a pear.
I did. It tasted delicious.
"Great minds drink alike."
I tried wild ox milk
Turns out I'm yak-tose intolerant
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
Don’t hang around booze hounds. They’re wine-y bitches.
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
Why do hens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they'd break.
What do horses like to put on their egg salad sandwiches?
MayoNAYS!
When a man went to the doctor to get rid of the strawberry that was growing out of his head, the doctor told him, "Don't worry. I'll give you some cream for that".
What do you call a pig that practices karate? A pork chop!”
Wife dropped a jar of pickles upon opening the fridge; glass and pickle juice went all over the kitchen floor.
Me: Don't worry, it's not a big dill.
What do you get when an Elephant sits on an Orange?
Orange squash.
What did the nectarine boxer say to his opponent? "You want a peach of me?"
My brother gave me whole milk, but I can only have nut milk with my cereal. How dairy!
Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
Do you know what is so special about the alphabet soup of Twitter? It only allows 140 letters.
If you want day-old soup, then come back here tomorrow!
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