Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
Someone asked me recently why I don't put any ketchup or mustard on my hotdog
And I told them it's because I just wanna relish it.
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
What do you get if a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
What's green and sour and swims in an aquarium?
A tro-pickle fish.
I fed my wife some ground chick peas and she choked to death
The police are treating it as a hummuside.
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
How does Bob Marley like his donuts?
Wi’ jam in.
When an unripe strawberry saw the ripe strawberry, it went green with envy.
Why is the chef so mean?
He beats the eggs.
Grandma: Do you like Hummus? Me: I love Hummus....and I sometimes like to singus!
My mother told me to leave the peach cobbler alone on the table. But I couldn't help but watch the cobbler make the beautiful peach shoes.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." Doctor: Next time, take off the candles.
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
Why do basketball players love cookies? Because they can dunk them!
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
What does a pirate pay for his corn?
A buccaneer!
What do you call a cold little taco?
A brrr-ito.
What is a butcher’s favorite Elvis Presley song? Love Meat Tenders.
Nearly got knocked off of my bike by a council salt lorry.
You idiot, I shouted. Through gritted teeth.
If you search for pictures of corn on Google you'll only get stalk pictures.
Egg puns are the most egg-citing.
There’s a suspicious email going around, with the subject line “Canned meat.” Don’t open it, it’s spam!
Why did the watermelon go crazy?
“He lost his rind.”
What do you call a very tall cherry blossom tree in Italy? The leaning flower of Pisa.
Why is the pickle container always open?
Because it's ajar.
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
What does a cat lady say on Friday night?
I am drinking wine and feline fine!
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
What do horses like to put on their egg salad sandwiches?
MayoNAYS!
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
A cow usually prefers to eat moo-sli for breakfast.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
Forget about watermelons, I heard having a windmelon your property is the best way to get clean and renewable electricity.
The soup was busy and preoccupied. He was stewing over something his friend said.
A pine and an apple talk to a pineapple “Poor you, my friend! You are certainly adopted, dude.”
On Valentine's Day, the peach said to his wife, "You will always have a peach of my heart!"
I hate it when I run out of bread for breakfast. I am lack-toast intolerant.
What do you call a baby potato? Tater tots!
When I was younger, I once smashed up a nest of heron's eggs.
No egrets.
Join us and let’s make pizza cheese grate again.
I’ve been told that I need to stop making puns about meat… But I just can’t stop cold turkey.
The arrogant baker declared, “You’ll never hear a complaint about my doughnuts outside this shop window.”
The customer agreed, “It must be the double glazing.”
What do you feed the son of god? Cheeses of Nazareth.
A storefront that boasts a fruit pun, just peachy.
A mathematician walks into a bar and says, “One beer for me, and 10 beers each for all my friends!”
Bartender: "Now that’s an order of magnitude!"
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