What do donuts wear to weddings? Tuxe-doughs!
What's an astronaut's favorite meat? Launch meat!
Why couldn’t the orange dance in the talent show without his partner?
Because it takes two to “tang-o.”
Do you know how the pineapple feeds her children? She gives them milk from her pinenipples!
What do you call a potato that has turned to the dark side? Vader tots!
What does a pirate pay for his corn?
A buccaneer!
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
What do you call someone who chokes on their tea?
A cough-y drinker.
I saw a joke about chocolate bars but it wasn’t that funny So I just snickered.
I loved the soup that they served at the local restaurant yesterday. It was simply pho-nomenol.
In the 1970s, hippies loved going to a Grateful Dead concert and getting toasted. That’s certainly the truth.
"No wine left behind."
Why shouldn't you be too inquisitive with a cherry? Ask no questions tell no pies.
Do you know what you call the outside of a watermelon?
“Rind of.”
They say that the local baker is the breadwinner of his family. True enough.
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
Why should you make a cherry pie for someone that you miss? Because absence bakes the heart grow fonder.
When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.
Where do eggs go on holiday?
New Yolk.
How does a robot eat it’s guacamole?
Microchips.
Everyone needs to eat bread because loaf is what makes the world go round. Loaf truly is.
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
Where do connoisseurs lock up their best bottles?
In a wine cabernet.
My wife asked me this morning "Do you want a bacon omelette?"
I said "No, I'd rather fry one."
Join us for a slice of fun.
What do strawberries wear to bed?
Jammies!
Which fruity singer was a judge on 'The X Factor'? Cherry Cole.
What does a duck that’s made of avocado say?
Guac.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
What kind of apple isn't an apple? A pineapple. What did the apple say to the apple pie? "You've got some crust."
A cup of coffee is the ideal start to a brew-tiful morning!
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
What do bread kids say during hide-and-seek?
Bready or not, here I crumb!
What do you call chick peas in a cavern?
Humus Sapiens
After I show a peach the way, it says: “I really ap-peach-iate your help!”
How did the fruit get to Hawaii? The pineapple express.
I was walking past the store today when I saw a sign saying, "All items one-third off."
So I bought a dozen eggs. Unfortunately four of them were rotten.
Do you know why bread hates warm weather? It just makes things too toasty.
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
What did the aged cheddar say when his mom told him he couldn’t see a movie that was rated R?
“I’m mature for my age.”
What do you call corn that joins the army?
Kernel.
Why did the orange go to the doctor?
“It wasn’t peeling well.”
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
What a load of bologna.
What did the apple teacher say to her student? Help me orange the chairs please!
Man wins award after he died eating appetizers at a Mediterranean restaurant
It was a Post-Hummus award.
Which type of wine do horses request most often?
Chardon-neigh.
How does a cookie wish his friends for Christmas? I whisk you a merry Christmas.
What happened when a farmer crossed a chili pepper, a shovel, and a pitbull? He got a hot-diggity-dog.
Strawberries are great musicians because they make perfect jam sessions.
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