What does a priest put on his salad?
Lettuce spray.
What is the healthiest fruit?
“An orange. It takes Vitamin See!”
What do you get from an Alaskan cow ? Ice Cream
What do citrus fruits use to get dates?
Pickup limes.
I eat a ton of corn everyday.
I guess that makes me a cornivore.
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
Boy: Oh I can't believe that Jesus is so sweet! Girl: Well that's because He's a life saver!
What do you call a field full of epileptic lettuce ?
Seizure Salad
An immature pineapple is often worse than a mature currant.
Did you hear about the man who used to be addicted to eating raw meat? Don't worry, he's cured now!
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!
Why does salt make everything taste better
Because it's sodi-yummm!
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets Jalapeno business.
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
Q: Where do fruits like to go on vacations?
A: To the peach.
What did you just call me? Just because we’re Dark Chocolate does not give you the right to call us “Snickers”.That’s OUR word.
Do you want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind it's too cheesy.
What do you call hot dogs in winter? Chilly dogs!
What do you call a watermelon that spends all day at the beauty spa? Must be a hottermmelon.
What do you call a pickle lullaby?
A cucumber slumber number.
The only thing that looks like half a strawberry is the other half.
Nearly got knocked off of my bike by a council salt lorry.
You idiot, I shouted. Through gritted teeth.
Why do the French eat snails? They dislike fast food.
"Another glass? Wine not?!"
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
What do you call a rifle that shoots salt?
A salt rifle.
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
A sad peach can be really pit-iful, sometimes.
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
I love you a tot!
What do you call fake ramen noodles? An impasta.
The cookie monster couldn’t make his bed, why? Because he couldn’t find his cookie sheets.
Forget about watermelons, I heard having a windmelon your property is the best way to get clean and renewable electricity.
What made the baby cookie cry so loud? His mother was a wafer so long.
When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.
What did the nectarine boxer say to his opponent? "You want a peach of me?"
What did the worm want to do when he grew up? He wanted to join the Apple Core (Corps).
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
Where do Eskimos keep their eggs?
In the egg-loo.
Why did the butter keep talking? Because he felt like he was really on a roll.
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
My banana grandad got in an accident last year, he bruised like a peach!
Q: Did you hear about the cherry that liked to explode?
A: It was da’ bomb.
What type of keys does the gingerbread man unlock his door with? cook-keys!
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
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