What is Whitney Houston's favorite kind of lettuce?
Ennnnnnndddiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivvvee.
What is the opposite of Chocolate? Chocoearly.
Strawberries are berry healthy. They pack a punch when it comes to beating cancer and other diseases.
How do you know your eating rabbit soup? When there's a hare in it.
They asked how the watermelon farmer felt after winning the lottery; clever bugger said he felt like a melon bucks.
If mom leaves her alphabet soup on the stove and forgets about it, it would spell disaster.
Let's pumpkin spice things up a bit
My doctor recommended exercise to slim down as well as some orange juice for vitamins
It’s the weight and C approach I guess.
What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror ? Halloumi (Hello me)
What do you call real bacon?
Genuswine
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
What drink do you need to steal? Virgin-tea. Why do hipsters only drink iced tea? Because ice was water before it was cool.
Why is it better to smell roses and lemons than a pile of poop?
It’s just plain common scents.
My wife made gluten free, carb free, salt free spaghetti last night
It was not real food, it was an impasta.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
Predictive Text
It's the scurge of the hummus rice.
When I took a break from having soup, my mom said "Carry on, why did you stoup?"
The cow intestine dish was offal, but the pig organ tacos was grocer!
What did the pear say to the other pear when they just got together?
It’s good to be a pair.
He apologized for driving the orange to the edge of the blade
How do astronauts like to eat their ice cream?
Floats.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
What do you call a sloppy Joe made with taco seasoned beef?
Sloppy José
What did the watermelon wife say to his stinky husband? You’ve got a strange smelon you today.
The reason orange juice doesn’t slide well on hard wood floors is Because of pulp friction.
Soup is only musical when it is piping hot.
My father is a farmer who grows strawberries. However, his business has recently gone into liquidation after he made smoothies.
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
The only fruit that makes me feel fuzzy and warm is a peach.
Why do hens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they'd break.
What do you call a cheese that is an alcoholic? Livarot
Why did the burglar break into the bakery? A; Because he heard the cakes were rich.
Why do watermelons take such a long time to make decisions?
“They’re always melon it over.”
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
The forecast said that we’re in for a hot summer; better make sure I watermelon everyday or else the yard will dry up.
Why did the orange get insurance?
Zest in case.
What do athletes drink before games? Sport-Tea.
Ciabatta stay away from me because I don’t want naan of that. That’s one way to tell someone to keep away.
What was the ice cream cone’s naughty pick up line?
Wanna lick me?
What's a pickle's favorite book?
To Dill A Mockingbird.
What's green and sour and swims in an aquarium?
A tro-pickle fish.
What did the Apple say to the lemon & lime when he found out they were correct?
Yeah, I guess you’re Sprite
Why doesn't Daniel Tosh eat Hot Dogs? He can't find the zipper
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
I tried buying a car from a religious person and got a lemon!
I suppose you get what you prayed for..
I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts I won’t lie, it was a Rocky Road.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
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