What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
What happens when you rub two oranges together?
You get Pulp Friction.
Shucking takes lots of corn-centration.
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
What do you get from an Alaskan cow ? Ice Cream
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
What is the best way to stop a pizza curling?
Hide its brush.
I've just invented a new Canadian beer
It's a form of I.P.Eh
Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice
Q: What do you call a really violent fruit?
A: A peach breaker
It's my first day on the fishing boat and everyone keeps asking if I've found my sea legs.
I'm not falling for it though. I know for a fact that seals don't lay eggs.
Chefs earn a meager celery, cumin home beat they just want to read the pepper and spend thyme with the kids.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite type of music?
R n’ Brie.
What does a cheese say when they look in the mirror in the morning?
Halloumi.
All the contestants at the pig Olympics were very happy with their prizes. They each won pork medallions.
Strawberries love delicious food. Their favorite is Jam-balaya.
My wife doesn't like spicy food and I think it's a cayenne shame.
What’s Another Name For iPhone Chargers?
Apple Juice.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.
Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill? It ran out of juice.
When is a vegetable also a nut?
When it’s a corn!
What do two cherries say when they get married? I promise to cherry-ish you forever.
What if soy milk is just regular milk that's trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
What crime is an egg most afraid of?
Poaching.
Beer doesn't make you fat
It makes you lean.
What did the farmer say when someone complimented him on his corn harvest?
Aww, shucks!
The problem with collecting wine is that you always end up getting screwed.
What does an ice cream lawyer say?
You got served.
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice? It said concentrate.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
Did you hear about the guy who forgot to use the colander when making mac and cheese?
His wife gave him a restraining order.
What’s the healthiest part of a donut?
The middle.
Q: What happens when two oranges collide?
A: They get en-tang-led!
What do you call a pickle lullaby?
A cucumber slumber number.
What do you drink with the Queen of England? Royal-Tea.
Where do pepperonis go on vacation?
The Leaning Tower of Pizza.
What did the orange say before jumping into the juicer?
“The zest is yet to come!”
Why did you find a stoned able Sherlock Holmes applying ketchup to your front yard ??
Because he's a high-functioning sauce-your-path.
I went to watch a play and there were so many peach errors in the dialogues.
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
What do you get when you cross an avocado with a two way radio?
A Guackie-talkie
My grandmother was famous all over town for growing delicious strawberries.
She made me promise that when she died, I would plant her strawberries on her grave so that people could enjoy them when they visited. When she passed away I fulfilled my promise. She’s dead and berried.
What do the ducks have for dinner? They have Quackers and soup.
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
If you are a fan of alphabet soup, then you might also know times new ramen.
Mom: Why did you shave the peaches!
Dad: The recipe asked for nectarines.
What did the banana say to the monkey? Nothing, bananas can't talk!
What did the hummus say to the pita bread when he got sick?
I falafel.
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