Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
Where do bugs go to watch the big game? Apple-Bees.
Dad fertilized the garden with corn starch.
The plot thickens.
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What do you call mountain climbing corn?
Mountain-ears.
Why was the salad late to the dinner party?
He was waiting for his wife to get dressing.
While leaving, the peach friend told his sad buddy, "If you need any help, just peach out, I will be there."
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
I’m bacon you! Please stop with the meat puns!
What do chemists make guacamole out of?
Avogadros.
What was the main job of the bread truck? To haul buns.
Why shouldn't you be too inquisitive with a cherry? Ask no questions tell no pies.
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
What do you call a potato at a football game? A spec-tater.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
The retiring orchard gardener made a farewell peach that was really heart-warming.
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
The reason he went smiling all the way to the jail is because the judge sentenced him to a life behind chocolate bars.
What is John Lennon's favorite donut? Strawberry' Filled Forever.'
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
The forecast said that we’re in for a hot summer; better make sure I watermelon everyday or else the yard will dry up.
How does a pineapple answer the phone? “Yel-low?”
What did Snow White call her chicken?
Egg White.
What does bread say to a friend after doing them a favor?
It’s the yeast I could do.
Q: Why was the cherry by himself?
A: Because the banana split.
My wife was trying to feed our son a pear, and he was refusing.
I said, Good news. Our son is immune to pear pressure.
Excuse me waiter, I have a question about the house salad.
Does it come with window dressing?
Why is Mrs Mayo mad at Mr Ketchup?
She caught him watching the salad dressing again.
What do you call a pickle lullaby?
A cucumber slumber number.
The soup was busy and preoccupied. He was stewing over something his friend said.
Wondering about a peach's favorite sci-fi novel? It's 'When You Peach Me'.
A lemon says to an orange, “What are you up to?”
The orange replies, “Not much. Just hanging ‘round.”
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin.
I told him I'd gourd it with my life.
Why did they put Viagra in chocolate bars? You eat it, She says, "Oh, Oh Henry!"
If you want to wish a 'Merry Christmas' to a strawberry, just say, "Straw-berry Christmas!'"
What do cannibals eat for dessert? Chocolate covered aunts.
If you get an email about pork salt and fat, don't open it.
It's Spam.
Do you know which the most favourite type of fruit of trees is? The pine – apple.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
A truck with an entire load of strawberries has crashed on the motorway. It's caused a real traffic jam.
how do you convince meat juice out of a bovine?
You consomme out of him.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
So, how on earth did the police catch the watermelon thief without a solid description? Don’t really know; guess the bloke was acting seedy.
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
What do you get when you fling salt in a tavern?
A barnacle (a.k.a. bar-na-cl).
A Blueberry asked a strawberry to go to hell.
That was berry rude of him
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
Why is it called Almond Milk?
Because no one would buy it if it was called Nut Juice.
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