What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
Q: Why did no one like peach’s personality?
A: Because it had a heart of stone.
I have been trying to write a new pizza joke…
But I can’t work out the delivery.
Don’t hang around booze hounds. They’re wine-y bitches.
I’ve been told that I need to stop making puns about meat… But I just can’t stop cold turkey.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
the difference between a pizza and my pizza jokes?
My pizza jokes can’t be topped!
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
Why do hens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they'd break.
What kind of pizza do you order on Christmas?
Cheeses Crust.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
What do bandages like to put on their salad?
A wound dressing.
What do you call a fat kid who likes chocolate milk?
An OvalTeen
Why did one melon break up with the other melon?
“He didn’t know water problem was.”
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
What type of a computer does a horse like to eat? A Macintosh
Ciabatta stay away from me because I don’t want naan of that. That’s one way to tell someone to keep away.
I had a meal recently that was made with ketchup and mustard.
It was delicious! My condiments to the chef!
Tennis matches and strawberry jam have one thing in common. Cons-serve.
You had to use rennet to curdle the milk for making Ricotta, not lemon juice!
This is not the right whey.
What are the four seasons?
Salt, Pepper, Sugar and Flour.
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
Recently in a meeting at the greengrocer I work at, I asked my manager how he was doing. "Just peachy", he replied.
Why did the orange come back after it was thrown in the garbage?
It was a boom-orange.
What is a terrorist's preferred kind of wine?
White Infidel.
What do you call a girl with no arms, no legs, sitting in a watermelon patch?
“Melanie! (melon-y)”
My father is a farmer who grows strawberries. However, his business has recently gone into liquidation after he made smoothies.
What does a loaf of bread say when breaking up with his girlfriend?
You deserve butter.
What’s a potato’s least favorite dance? The Mash Potato.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
On what radio station would you hear Bob Dill-on?
Vlasic rock.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
Q: Did you hear about the cherry that liked to explode?
A: It was da’ bomb.
What’s a pizza maker’s favorite song?
Slice, Slice Baby
I tried to make my own condiments but, the recipes change so fast, it's hard to ketchup.
What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you're bacon my heart melt.
Why didn't the butcher cross the road? He didn't want to brisket!
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
What do politicans need to drink? Honest-Tea.
Why did the students eat their homework?
Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
How do you catch King Kong? Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.
What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror ? Halloumi (Hello me)
Everybody romaine calm.
Boy: Oh I can't believe that Jesus is so sweet! Girl: Well that's because He's a life saver!
I had thought of a lot of good bread puns, but they seem to have gone a rye. I know the feeling.
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
I seem to have run out of tea...
What a catastrotea.
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
The peach couple is in love. They seem to be born for peach other.
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