Tennis matches and strawberry jam have one thing in common. Cons-serve.
I dropped a bottle of ketchup on my foot.
It caused immense pain to ma toes.
I’d like to tell a joke about salt but then said to myself: "Na."
What do you call a pig that practices karate? A pork chop!”
What do we get when we cross a Christmas tree with an apple? We will have a pine – apple!
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
Do you know why do the hipsters burn their tongue? It is because they eat their soup before it gets cool.
Mom, what do we have for dinner? I cannot tell you, son, it is a soup-rise! Is it soup? I soup-pose it would be.
Why did he skeleton go to the barbecue? To get another rib.
Why did the man continue to eat whole peaches? Because he has a bottomless pit.
What does a cat lady say on Friday night?
I am drinking wine and feline fine!
What's green and got two wheels?
A motorpickle.
What do you call leftover lettuce?
The romaines.
What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.
What did the pickle say when he was told he was going in to a salad?
I relish the thought.
What does the watermelon say to its girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? – “You are one in a melon!”
I don’t want naan of that. Neither do I!
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
What drives cheese crazy?
That everyone around them is crackers.
Why did one pineapple invite another to their party? Because they were real piner-pals.
How does a cheese tell you they want to be with you?
“I think you and I would look gouda together.”
When you find a blue strawberry, try to cheer it up.
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
What kind of candy never arrives on time? Chocolate
HELP! It's a taco emergency!
Dial 9 Juan Juan!
What drink do goalies hate? Penal-tea.
What can you only drink in the Middle East? Dust-Tea.
How many grams of protein are there in that slice of chocolate pie? 3.14159265.
What is Whitney Houston's favorite kind of lettuce?
Ennnnnnndddiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivvvee.
Why wouldn’t the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone? He desperately wanted a scoop.
What do you call a rapper working at Cold Stone? Scoop Dogg.
An apple and an orange signed up for a tournament. No one was really surprised when they had both were seeded.
Why was the orange feeling sad?
It lost its zest for life.
I love having dinner in a local restaurant. It has a soup-erb speciality that mixes soup and herbs.
What’s worse than finding a worm in your pear?
Finding half a worm.
What does bread say to a friend after doing them a favor?
It’s the yeast I could do.
The nectarine academic is doing a Ph.D. in 'Peach and Language Psychology' from the University of Georgia.
What does a priest put on his salad?
Lettuce spray.
Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
He heard it was a Goodyear!
Why does cheese look normal? Because everyone else on the plate is crackers.
What does a mommy cherry say to her children? I love you cherry much.
My mother is so fastidious that she eats her alphabet soup in the alphabetical order.
It’s time to think outside the pizza box.
What did the priest say before he and his family ate their salad?
Lettuce pray.
Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn't get his stilton.
Was your guacamole salad good?
Yes, it was avocado this world.
What’s the only fruit that never gets lonely?
A pear.
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
Did you hear about the crab that went to the seafood disco? He pulled a muscle
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
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