Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!
When the peach pit farewell to his friend, he said, "See you later, peach out".
When you come across a strawberry that uses foul language, it must be berry rude.
How do you spell banana? E, V, I, L. Do banana's drink coke or pepsi? Neither, they drink blood because they're evil.
Why were the kids throwing flour and bread at their school? They wanted to rise to the occasion.
As a butcher, let me advise you never to back up into the meat grinder. It will make you get a little behind in your work.
What happened to the cheery that showed up for the tomato auditions? He was called an imposter.
What is a terrorist's preferred kind of wine?
White Infidel.
What do you call bacon with salt on it
Salt and Peppa
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
Recently in a meeting at the greengrocer I work at, I asked my manager how he was doing. "Just peachy", he replied.
Nut cookies are the best gifts for nutty friends.
Ever heard of French Donuts?
They’re the Beigne of my existence.
We are thinking of spending the night at the peach house, by the shore.
How did the fruit get to Hawaii? The pineapple express.
It’s too bad the man couldn’t quit his job at the bakery. He really kneaded the dough.
What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy?
Sauvign-yawn blanc!
Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice
Why didn’t I believe what the cheese salesman told me?
It was too gouda to be true.
Udon even know how to cook this udon recipe. Fortunately, I can teach you.
What did the parmesan say when it broke up with the mozzarella?
Sorry but I am too mature for you.
What did the hummus say to the pita bread when he got sick?
I falafel.
No one likes sausage puns, they are the wurst!
Why are cherries unassuming? Because they often get made into humble pie.
What is yellow on the inside and green on the outside? A banana dressed up as a cucumber !
What does a cheese like to drink after a long day?
Morbier.
Why are oranges the smartest fruit?
Because they are made to concentrate.
The perfect name for a sad and morose strawberry is a blueberry.
What Christmas carol do candy bars sing? Almond Joy To The World.
What do you call people avoiding healthy fats?
Avocadonts.
The bread did not believe that he could work at his job much longer. He was feeling too crusty.
After the death of his wife a few years, the pineapple stands on the graveyard and says “I pine for you, sweetheart!”
I went to Taco Bell and order nacho fries
the person behind the counter wouldn't give them to me, just kept saying "nacho fries".
What kind of wine is aged to purr-fection?
Mos-cat-o!
I yam what I yam.
If you can't get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries.
What do you give a horse that has just won the Kentucky Derby? An Appletini.
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
What does a posh salad shout before it's eaten?
KELP!
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
My wife misplace the sugar with the salt in her sugar cookies.
It was sodium disgusting.
Why was the potato put in an asylum? It was starch raving mad.
Why did the blonde throw her favorite doll on the grill? She thought it was a Barbie-Q.
What happened when the beer got divorced?
It became bitter.
"Another glass? Wine not?!"
Did you hear about the cheese shop that was destroyed by a tornado?
All that’s left is da brie.
What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up.
Why did Eve want to leave the garden of Eden and move to New York ? She fell for the Big Apple !
Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
The Reds!
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