How do berries start off the fruity olympics? They cherry the Olympic torch around the globe.
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
Did you hear about the flatmate who woke up to a spicy toothbrush? He had it cumin.
I keep thinking I'll make breakfast pancakes, but I end up waffling.
What's a vampire's most favorite fruit? It must be a neck-tarine peach.
Usain bolt must be a fruit
Have you seen that mango?
What do we get when we mix an iPhone and a Christmas tree? A pine – apple!
Why did the orange get pulled over while driving?
He kept peeling out.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
I can't use my laptop anymore because someone spilled apple juice on it.
It was a cider attack.
Why will the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch!
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
What cookie makes you rich? A fortune cookie!
I sent back the soup served to me at the restaurant. It was not of soup-reme quality.
Breakfasts with my family always feel like a party because they're always making toasts.
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
Why are popsicles so snobby?
They have a stick up their butt.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
When I was in grade school, one of my best friends spoke Mandarin. One day, he introduced me to his parents and I told them I don’t speak orange.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
What do you call a baby potato? Small fry.
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
Why didn’t the pineapple fit in with the other fruit? Because it’s rough around the edges.
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
Where do bugs go to watch the big game? Apple-Bees.
Why shouldn’t you go into business with a watermelon?
“They’re seedy.”
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
Did you get a side of hummus?
It's a hummuside.
The United Nations gave its members a basket of peaches on 21 September - the International Peach Day.
What do you call a pickle doctor?
A dill pusher.
You are the best, I feel so peachy when I am with you!
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor?
Because it was feeling crumby!
What happens if you swallow a whole corn cob?
You get corn-stipated!
You had to use rennet to curdle the milk for making Ricotta, not lemon juice!
This is not the right whey.
Which is a meat patty's least favourite day of the week? Fry-day!
My mother told me to leave the peach cobbler alone on the table. But I couldn't help but watch the cobbler make the beautiful peach shoes.
Why did the corn farmer go to jail?
He was stalking someone in a field.
The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
What do you call a dentist who doesn't like tea? Denis.
Which Oiler great had a soft spot for Indian food? Jari Curry.
What did the orange say to the lemon?
"'yello!"
What do you call a very tall cherry blossom tree in Italy? The leaning flower of Pisa.
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
How can you make a computer system cry? Delete his cookies.
Q: What’s a donut’s favorite drink?
A: Hole-y water!
My sister thinks that she is so intelligent. She says onion is the only food which makes her cry. That is the reason why I threw a pineapple at her face.
What did one bread say to another after a long day? Don’t worry because tomorrow will be butter.
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