Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
I recently got a new job as a golf caddy, but I was fired after less than an hour.
The guy asked me for a sand wedge. I don't think he likes pickle.
Why did the aging bread roll retire?
Her career was already toast.
What drink brings you down to earth? Gravi-Tea.
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
A scarecrow's favorite fruit to eat is straw-berry.
What do you call a pig squished by sand? A ham sandwich.
Why don't bananas snore? Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
How does cabernet like to travel abroad?
On a cruise sip.
What cut of meat do you get from an extremely tired butcher?
A filet mid-yawn
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
One day on the highway, I saw a packet of onions and cheese walking down the road. When I offered them a lift, they declined by saying that they were 'Walkers'.
What do we call a beautiful picture drawn by a peach artist? – It is a great peach of work.
I was asked why I love to clean lemon juice from windows, to which I replied
“It’s easy peasy lemon squeegee.”
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree? Pineapple.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
What do you call 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? Won Ton.
Why do ice cream cones make such bad athletes?
They always get licked.
Why didn't the unripe strawberry got any cards and chocolates for Valentine's Day? Because it was really sour.
What did the pizza say when it asked the topping out on a date?
I never sausage a beautiful face.
Why did I start making a cherry pie? Bake-cause I love it.
They were building a meat tower next door.
The steaks just kept getting higher.
I don’t wanna taco ‘bout it
I love having dinner in a local restaurant. It has a soup-erb speciality that mixes soup and herbs.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
One bowl of soup said to the other, "Hello Broth-er".
What a spud muffin.
No one laughed at my milk jokes. They said they were too cheesy.
I sat on some peas in the car. It was a bumpea ride.
What’s the best view you can get in our galaxy? A view of the milky way from mars.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
What did the tortilla chip say to the avocado?
“Well, this is guacward.”
It is a great idea to ask peaches to make your shoes. After all, they make excellent cobblers.
I am a peach, and when my husband accompanies me, we are a pear.
In a romantic date, Romeo says to Juliette “Baby! You are the pineapple of my eyes!”
What do you call it when you order the same donut every day?
A do-rut!
Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." Doctor: Next time, take off the candles.
How does a vampire make tea? With a used tampon.
What do you call a pastry that is a priest?
A Holy Donut!
Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!
What does a good spice rack help you win? The Hunger Games.
What do you call a sausage that's been to the doctor? Cured meat!
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
What did the farmer say when someone complimented him on his corn harvest?
Aww, shucks!
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are at the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
What did the aged cheddar say when his mom told him he couldn’t see a movie that was rated R?
“I’m mature for my age.”
Pre pear yourself for a bad pun.
Dad: Is that a pear?
*Dad points to pear on the kitchen counter.
Child: Yea...
Dad: Then why is there only one?
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