What did the perverted pumpkin use for his pick-up line?
Hey gourd-geous! Wanna go back to my place and squash?
I am pretty sure that the favourite soup of Dracula is the Scream of tomato.
It’s not often that you find an eye anywhere but on the face. Cows, however, have a rib eye.”
How do you know that beer makes you smarter?
Because it made bud wiser.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
Why did the crazy man lose his job at the dairy factory? He was a danger to himself and udders.
What do you give a dog with a fever?… Mustard, it’s the best thing for a hot dog.
What do you call the guy who chooses a suitable fortified Spanish wine?
A Sherry Picker.
If Megan Fox is a cake, then what is Amanda Bynes? A fruitcake.
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate?
A Kitty Kat bar.
The best punishment to give orange kids is getting them canned. This is the only way to prevent them from going bad.
Many people have a mythical belief about soup. It is called soup–erstition.
HELP! It's a taco emergency!
Dial 9 Juan Juan!
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
The easiest way to know that you are eating a bowl of rabbit soup is to take a look inside and find a hare in it.
I love the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies They smell just like burned toast
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
What did the blind man say after being handed a cheese grater? "That's the most violent book I've ever read."
Do you know what firemen often add to their soup? – They add firecrackers.
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
A pine and an apple talk to a pineapple “Poor you, my friend! You are certainly adopted, dude.”
Did you hear about the unlucky man who bought some bananas? They were empty.
Have you heard about the movie that involved haunted dairy items? I believe it is called Paranormal Activia.
If Santa made love to a pickle, what would they call their baby?
Claussen.
What did one bread lover say to the other?
Before I break down and rye, I want you to know that I loaf you.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
Why shouln’t you rub avocado in your eyes?
You might get guacoma.
What did you just call me? Just because we’re Dark Chocolate does not give you the right to call us “Snickers”.That’s OUR word.
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
What do you call bacon with salt on it
Salt and Peppa
Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice
What did the steak say when he came across his nemesis? Ah, we meat again!”
My doctor recommended exercise to slim down as well as some orange juice for vitamins
It’s the weight and C approach I guess.
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commentater!
What cheese should you use to hide a horse? Mascarpone.
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets Jalapeno business.
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
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