The late actor Sir Sean Connery was a big fan of the onion because well, he usshed to love them shh-allot.
A dog in a pumpkin patch is called...
a pumpkin pooch.
Why is it better to smell roses and lemons than a pile of poop?
It’s just plain common scents.
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
So, how on earth did the police catch the watermelon thief without a solid description? Don’t really know; guess the bloke was acting seedy.
The only type of cookies a cookie monster loves to eat during Halloween is Ghoul Scout Cookies.
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
Wondering about a peach's favorite movie? Well it has to be the 'King's Peach'.
HELP! It's a taco emergency!
Dial 9 Juan Juan!
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef!
What do two tomatoes do after not seeing each other for a long period of time?
They ketchup.
What would a pineapple say to a pineapple pie? You have some crust.
Why shouldn't you be too inquisitive with a cherry? Ask no questions tell no pies.
What do you call a house that likes food? a Condoment!
What do cannibals eat for dessert?
Chocolate covered aunts.
It peels nice to be voted in as the most appeeling model in the contest.
My biology class was going on and on, and I was stuck in the middle of it. Well, you know, this is how it feels to be an on-i-on.
What day to eggs hate the most?
Fry-day.
Somehow they knew I wanted champagne. It was chilling.
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
Someone told me I looked like a salt shaker. I took it as a condiment.
What's worst than a monkey eating bananas? A monkey going bananas.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
Did you know you can make a really good music player out of a cherry cake? It’s called a gateau blaster.
What do dogs love to eat for breakfast?
woofles
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
Why did the strawberry get bruised? Because it was under pear pressure.
Why did the man go into the pizza business?
He wanted to make some dough.
I once had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of carbonated orange juice.
Thankfully it was just a fanta sea.
What do they say when you leave the cheese store?
Have a gouda day!
What did the pear say to the other pear when they just got together?
It’s good to be a pair.
I squeezed the innards of a pumpkin into a glass, and the result was just beautiful
In fact, it was gourdjuice.
I've been on a real hummus kick lately, so as I came home from work tonight, my sister says to me "You're always bringing home hummus now." To which I replied, "Hummus where the heart is!"
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener
What's the opposite of Green Tea? Fat-Tea.
What do you get when you cross a human and a pear?
A pear-son.
The fruit politician is losing its support in the country because of hate peach.
What do fruits do when they are really really afraid? They run away as fast as their legs can cherry them.
If my Hindu girlfriend thinks I'm going to eat Indian food, she has another think cumin.
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
Apples and oranges had a conversation one day. Guess what the apples were saying the oranges, nothing stupid, apples don’t talk.
Why was the orange skeptical of everyone around him?
He was planted with a seed of doubt.
What did the watermelon wife say to his stinky husband? You’ve got a strange smelon you today.
How does a hen leave its house?
Through the eggs-it.
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
A mathematician walks into a bar and says, “One beer for me, and 10 beers each for all my friends!”
Bartender: "Now that’s an order of magnitude!"
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