Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
Why did the banana go to the hostpital? Because it wasnt peeling very well
Knock, knock
Who’s there? CIA CIA, who? CI ate your last doughnut!
What drink do goalies hate? Penal-tea.
Are there any funny red wine puns at BabaMail Jokes?
You bet Shiraz there are!
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
Fake ramen noodles are also called the impasta.
Did you know there’s an app for corn growers?
It’s made in Sili-corn Valley!
How do you get a musician off your front porch?
Pay for the pizza.
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
What's grandma's favorite fruit?
a Ba-nana.
My son just tried to tell me a joke about pumpkins.
Oh, gourd, was it awful.
What did you just call me? Just because we’re Dark Chocolate does not give you the right to call us “Snickers”.That’s OUR word.
The peach couple from school is totally in love. They seem so perfect for peach other.
When do bakers stop making donuts?
When they get tired of the hole thing.
My boss accused me of "acting the monkey" at work.
I almost choked on my banana.
Cow's that eat strawberries give strawberry milk.
It is really rare to find the most perfectly cooked steak.
When I said "God, Thank you for this delicious noodle soup", my dad said "Ramen".
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
How many grams of protein are there in that slice of chocolate pie? 3.14159265.
Strawberries are berry healthy. They pack a punch when it comes to beating cancer and other diseases.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
Why didn't the watermelon marry the strawberry?
They cantaloupe.
What's the most popular American cheese sitcom? Curd Your Enthusiasm
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
Nut cookies are the best gifts for nutty friends.
My father is a farmer who grows strawberries. However, his business has recently gone into liquidation after he made smoothies.
What do you call a baby potato? Tater tots!
Why does bread hate hot weather?
It just feels too toasty.
What’s an apple’s favorite restaurant? Applebee’s.
I have a friend who has been diagnosed with a phobia of sausages. She always fears the wurst.
What do you call a steak hurtling through space? A meat-ior!
The easiest way to know that you are eating a bowl of rabbit soup is to take a look inside and find a hare in it.
My sister thinks that she is so intelligent. She says onion is the only food which makes her cry. That is the reason why I threw a pineapple at her face.
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
Chopping down other people’s cherry trees is definitely frowned upon. However, you likely won’t get into too much trouble for it – as long as you keep hold of the axe!
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
What happened when rockers couldn't get their favorite dessert? Rage against the Broken Ice Cream Machine.
Did you know you can make a really good music player out of a cherry cake? It’s called a gateau blaster.
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
"Love the wine you're with."
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
Why did the two slices of bread disappear in the middle of the night? They wanted to e-loaf together.
What is a terrorist's preferred kind of wine?
White Infidel.
What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up? It blossoms.
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