Why did the orange lose his job at the factory? He didn’t concentrate.
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I’m not old. I’m aged to perfection. And full bodied.
Where did Vegans come from?
Hummus Sapiens
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.
Knock, knock
Who’s there? CIA CIA, who? CI ate your last doughnut!
What do the ducks have for dinner? They have Quackers and soup.
What is a Malaysian chocolate factory called?
Oompa Lumpur
I felt like telling you the joke about a strawberry jam on a piece of bread, but I won't. You might go around spreading it.
Why’d the lettuce blush?
It saw the salad dressing.
In a world that is full of apples, it is much better to be a pineapple.
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
Somebody was doing a speech and said, "This might be corny," and pulled out a couple of canned corns. Guess what happened next?
Total pundemonium.
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
What's green and wears a cape?
Super Pickle.
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal?
Megadeath by Chocolate.
What do you call a group of cows that are on top of a hill? High steaks.
Why did the orange fall out of the tree?
It went out on a limb.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
Not only did I have a good time at Taco Bell
I had a Baja Blast
How do you make a mango shake?
You take it to a scary movie.
Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods?
Because they're in-bred.
I tried looking up ice cream puns on the Internet...
But then my browser froze.
Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in Cuba for $1.50, but in Jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?
Those are the pie rates of the Carribean.
My wife asked me why I bought a pear tree.
I told her "what, you told me to grow a pear."
I once had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of carbonated orange juice.
Thankfully it was just a fanta sea.
What do you call who has been electrocuted? You call it anion.
One day a apple saw a banana without its peel. The apple asked banana, where is your peel? He replied, people are always taking off my clothes.
I was very surprised to hear those insane rapping skills from my green onions. It had lived up to its name of rapscallion.
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
How do you make a milkshake? Give a cow a pogo stick.
What did the boss pig say to the pig worker for not working fast enough? “chop chop slow pork”.
Q: Why did the cherry stop in the middle of the road?
A: It ran out of juice.
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
Like a pro wrestler in a headlock, I’m indulging in a little Sham pain.
How do berries start off the fruity olympics? They cherry the Olympic torch around the globe.
Be careful! Theres a deadly fruit on the loose
He has 7 charges of armed Strawbbery.
"Let's get fizzical. Pass the prosecco."
An artist painted a wonderful fruit painting. It was a beautiful peach of work.
What is the best way to stop a pizza curling?
Hide its brush.
What am I? A tea bag you dirty minded human...
What did the steak say to his enemy? I have a T-bone to pick with you!
I was surprised at the number of onions needed for this dish- it calls for shallot of onions.
What happened to the lost beef shipment? Nobody's herd.
The apple says to the pineapple “What? Go out with you tonight? It will not happen in a million years!” Since then, we have a crushed pineapple.
How do you know when a potato is in a bad mood? When they are acting salty
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