What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
What’s a potatoes favorite horror movie? The Silence of the Yams.
What do you call a very little cherry? Pit-iful.
How do monkeys get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
Why did the orange cry?
Someone hurt its peelings.
What’s that green head of something that is the main part of a salad?
Lettuce think about it.
Do you know what is so special about the alphabet soup of Twitter? It only allows 140 letters.
Why is the corn army so dysfunctional?
Cause there are too many Kernels.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
What's the most musical cut of chicken? The drumstick!
How many grams of protein are in an apple pi? 3.14159265
What do you call bananas that don't stick up for themselves? A bunch of pansies.
I don’t like mangoes. I asked my boyfriend if he thinks they’ll grow on me one day.
He said “I think they can. You just need to be watered properly.”
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
Why did you find a stoned able Sherlock Holmes applying ketchup to your front yard ??
Because he's a high-functioning sauce-your-path.
How do two cherries make up after an argument? They cherry the hatchet.
I never count my chickens before they're hatched.
Because they're eggs.
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
Today, I am eating a bun filled with pineapple and ham for my dinner. That is Hawaii roll.
When I went to the shop to buy some strawberries, they didn't have any. It was such a fruitless trip.
If you can't beat them...
Just have your eggs fried.
Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." Doctor: Next time, take off the candles.
When do they smother a burrito in cheese? In best queso scenario.
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter? Pi a'la mode.
"You're the wine that I want."
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
If we cross lobster bisque and Elon Musk, what we have is a soup-er car
What do you call a very tall cherry blossom tree in Italy? The leaning flower of Pisa.
Milk aliens have landed. They said 'take me to your litre'.
What song do young peaches love listening to? 'Papa don't peach'.
What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish? A crab apple !
What do you call bacon with salt on it
Salt and Peppa
Why did the orange’s musical number receive a bad review?
Because it wasn’t an “orange-inal.”
"Love the wine you're with."
I tried to make my own condiments but, the recipes change so fast, it's hard to ketchup.
Why did the butter keep talking? Because he felt like he was really on a roll.
What do you call a baker with a cold?
Coughee cake.
Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!
I’m chocolate to my appointment!
Why should you always bring a bag of tortilla chips to a party?
In queso emergency.
Remember to stop and smell the rosé.
What type of window do donuts prefer in their homes?
Double glazed.
I thought about making a new condiment that was a mixture of Ketchup and Mustard.
But then I decided the name KetchTard would be pretty MustUp.
What do you call corn that joins the army?
Kernel.
Boil ’em, mash ’em, stick ’em in a stew. Happy Birthday from me to you!
Why did the pineapple’s phone die? It needed juice.
Why did black chocolate cry over his wine glass?
Because it was his bitter half.
What do you call a potato that’s reluctant to jump into boiling water? A hesi-tater.
A person who only loves himself and waffles in the entire world is an Eggomaniac.
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