What song do young peaches love listening to? 'Papa don't peach'.
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
What do you call a strawberry in math?
A berry-able.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
I’m bacon you! Please stop with the meat puns!
What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish? A crab apple !
"No wine left behind."
Did you hear about the banana who went to the doctor's because he wasn't peeling very well?
Eating no meat except fish is really bothersome.
I should stop being a Pesky-tarian.
What do you call a house that likes food? a Condoment!
I told my kids that ketchup can go on anything.
You know, It’s the least condiment denominator.
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
When the orange started peeling, he was glad it was finally cutting some weight.
Q: What happened to the peach who went to meet the knife?
A: He came back in many peaches.
Why do milking stools only have three legs? The cows keep the udder safe.
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite game, it's peach ball.
Why are you eating a banana with the skin on? Oh, it's all right. I know what's inside.
What do oranges have after a hard work out? Juice!
Why did the daddy peach teach the child peach to shave? He was starting to grow peach fuzz.
What do murderers drink? Cruel-tea.
My doctor tells me I've got a bacon addiction.
Thankfully he thinks I can be cured.
Where do Eskimos keep their eggs?
In the egg-loo.
I lost my grip, and my beer shattered on the floor.
This Corona outbreak is really getting out of hand.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
Although many other vegetables live above the ground, onions live underground. This is because they have many lairs.
What do politicans need to drink? Honest-Tea.
What do you call a pastry that is a priest?
A Holy Donut!
What word backwards can predict the future? Cookies (Seikooc as in psychic of you say it).
Why does Satan not eat the bread part of the pizza?
Because he's the Anti-Crust!
I know a pea that's a famous singer. He's a VIP.
What do you get when you cross a pickle with an alligator?
A crocodill.
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it round the garden.
Why do the hot dogs with ketchup spoil early?
Because the sauce ages.
How do monsters like their eggs?
Terri-fried.
How do you make soup rich? Add 24 carrots.
I can't stand Greek salads.
I like un-feta'd access to my greens.
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are at the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
Potatoes that are medi-tators maintain calm and peace even when uprooted.
What did the Mexican wrestler say after he ate a taco that was too spicy?
“It’s okay, I’ll just guac it off”
The daddy strawberry got the job to perform at the circus because he was a berry straw-ng man.
Why did the farmer feed his pigs a mixture of sugar, vinegar, and soy sauce? He wanted sweet and sour pork.
I grew up in a really rough area. I would walk out of the house and other kids would leap out and sprinkle me with cream, cherries and shaved chocolate. Life was tough, growing up in the gateau.
Breakfasts with my family always feel like a party because they're always making toasts.
They asked how the watermelon farmer felt after winning the lottery; clever bugger said he felt like a melon bucks.
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