Why do we love wine puns?
Because they're grape!
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
My banana grandad got in an accident last year, he bruised like a peach!
Why was the sweet potato too shy to ask out the russet potato? Because he was a real spud.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
What happens after you eat an entire gallon of "All Natural" ice cream? You get Breyer's remorse!
Why did I start making a cherry pie? Bake-cause I love it.
Knock Knock.
Who’s there? Donut. Donut who? Donut ask, it’s a secret!
When I got mugged on my way back from the greengrocers, I was peach-less!
the difference between a pizza and my pizza jokes?
My pizza jokes can’t be topped!
Whenever the peach father gets mad at his son, he just screams loudly: “You are the son of a peach!”
What was the event of the onion family getting back together called as? A family reonion.
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
What did one cheese tell the other cheese on Valentine’s day?
Brie mine.
What do magician avocados say?
Avocadabra!
What do you find if you hang from a cherry tree for hours and hours? You find that your arms get sore.
I saw a fruit running from the police recently
It was a water felon.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
Why is Mrs Mayo mad at Mr Ketchup?
She caught him watching the salad dressing again.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
What do you call a mislabeled orange juice container?
Pulp fiction.
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Taking a bite and finding half a worm.
How far can a mango,
If he's got a license but doesn't avocado ?
What's the most musical cut of chicken? The drumstick!
Why is the pickle container always open?
Because it's ajar.
Potatoes that are medi-tators maintain calm and peace even when uprooted.
I ran out of toilet paper, so started wiping using lettuce leaves
But I'm scared this is the tip of the iceberg.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commentater!
The police officer only had soups for dinner. He was a soup-erintendent.
When the orange started peeling, he was glad it was finally cutting some weight.
Mom: Why did you shave the peaches!
Dad: The recipe asked for nectarines.
How does the Skywalker family like their tea?
Lukewarm.
What do two tomatoes do after not seeing each other for a long period of time?
They ketchup.
Why is corn popular around Halloween?
Because it’s so earie.
What happens if you swallow a whole corn cob?
You get corn-stipated!
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
Why does everyone invite ice cream to the party?
It’s cool.
What do you call an evil lemon?
Sour On
Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? Frankenswine, or you can go see Hamlet.
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
How do astronauts like to eat their ice cream?
Floats.
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
Knock Knock
Who’s there Justin Justin who? Justin time to make the donuts!
What did the oranges do after concluding the meeting?
They peeled the deal.
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
What type of bar is kid friendly?
A chocolate bar.
Sorry kids - we won't be carving pumpkins this year... Sorry to squash your enthusiasm.
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