My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
I have to spill my guts, I love Halloween!
What is a cheese lover’s favorite rap artist?
Feta wap.
What do you call a sloppy Joe made with taco seasoned beef?
Sloppy José
How do you get a raise at the bread factory?
Butter up your boss.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
When an unripe strawberry saw the ripe strawberry, it went green with envy.
Did you hear about the policeman who tried to make love to a bacon slicer?
He had a tip off.
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
When does Oliver Stone eat ice cream? Any Given Sundae.
I replaced the milk in the milk carton with lemon juice.
People were really sour about it.
Why don't bananas snore?
Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
“How was your day? ” “It was tater-ible”
What do you call Chewbacca when you have chocolate stuck in your hair?
chocolate chip wookiee.
Q: Who is Peach’s favorite actor?
A: Brad Pit.
When everyone agreed with Hulk at breakfast that they love waffles more, he said, "Not all heroes wear crepes."
Why does it take a while before a peach leaves a fruit basket? They have to give a goodbye peach first.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
Why shouldn't you buy illegal seasonings? It's always a shady dill.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
You shouldn’t put orange slices in your beer. Well, maybe once in a Blue Moon.
Why did the cherry blossom tree seem scared when it was trying to make a cherry pie? Because it was baking like a leaf.
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
What is the hippest kind of fruit? A bae-nae-nae.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
It is a bad film because good ones tend to have created atop day-old soup.
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are at the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
In the last peach race, I put $30 peach way on two new racers.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
I can’t help but laugh a little when I see a pun about chocolate bars… snickers
How do you get a mouse to smile? Say cheese!
Since her parents wanted to become wealthy fast, they ensured their daughter had an orange-d marriage.
What did the steak say to his enemy? I have a T-bone to pick with you!
Why does the jellybean go to school? Because he wants to become a smartie.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ice cream!
Ice cream who?
Ice cream if you throw me in the cold, cold water!
Digital burgers are nothing but processed meat.
What does a cheese like to drink after a long day?
Morbier.
They're not going to grow bananas any longer.
Apparently, they're long enough already.
Where do bananas go to learn to be sweet?
Sundae School.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
Did you hear about the butcher who got into danger? His life was at steak!
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
Why do hens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they'd break.
The fruit stutters because it suffers from a peach impediment.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
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