Wondering about a peach's favorite sci-fi novel? It's 'When You Peach Me'.
Did you hear that the diet clinic was doing great business? They say that it’d really take your breadth away.
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
Why is corn popular around Halloween?
Because it’s so earie.
My love for you sprouts more and more everyday!
What do you feed the son of god? Cheeses of Nazareth.
Apples and oranges had a conversation one day. Guess what the apples were saying the oranges, nothing stupid, apples don’t talk.
Why do milking stools only have three legs? The cows keep the udder safe.
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? De-brie went everywhere!
Did you know that bread that you make into buns is always relaxed? Yes, they just like to roll with it.
Where’s a donut’s favorite vacation spot?
The Sahara dessert!
What do you call an overly cautious cup of tea?
Uncertaintea.
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
Why did the thief steal a pig? Because he was a hamburglar.
I never count my chickens before they're hatched.
Because they're eggs.
There are two types of people in this world: People who love chocolate and liars. A study says that chocolate may lower your chances of a stroke. That is, a swimming stroke, a golf stroke, a tennis stroke.
I figured out a way to chop onions without crying...
The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
People really liked the new king's coronation day peach. He truly deserves the throne.
Whenever the peach gets angry, it looks at my face and screams: “You are just a peach of sh*t!”
What do they call Chris Christie in New Jersey? Cake Boss.
Dog Joke: What do you call a Collie with a mango on it's back?
Mango Lassie.
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
My doctor told me "No more spicy food.", but I decided to have one last fennel fling.
What do you call a cute donut?
A-dough-able.
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
I slept with a lemon once. Now I have lemonaids.
Remember to stop and smell the rosé.
Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon.
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
A new bakery in town began ding extremely well. They said that business was definitely on the rise.
What do u get from a perverted apple? Hard Cider.
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in Cuba for $1.50, but in Jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?
Those are the pie rates of the Carribean.
I think I drank some expired milk. I just have a gut feeling.
Beer doesn't make you fat
It makes you lean.
Why is green ice cream so serendipitous?
It was mint to be.
I had a salad pun, but I tossed it
Q: What kind of decisions do peaches make?
A: Fruitful ones.
What happened when the orange broke out of prison?
All heck broke juice.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
What do you call a group of cows that are on top of a hill? High steaks.
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
Why wouldn’t the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone? He desperately wanted a scoop.
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef!
Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam's banana.
What happened to the cheery that showed up for the tomato auditions? He was called an imposter.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
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