If you are a fan of alphabet soup, then you might also know times new ramen.
When should you take a cookie to the doctor? When it feels crummy. What do the cookie and the computer have in common? They both have chips.
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
Join us for a slice of fun.
There are two types of people in this world: People who love chocolate and liars. A study says that chocolate may lower your chances of a stroke. That is, a swimming stroke, a golf stroke, a tennis stroke.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
Did you hear about the salad race the other day?
The Lettuce was ahead, but the Tomato was ketchoping up...
A peach biologist was looking for a peach-tree-dish for his upcoming experiment.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
If a crocodile makes shoes, what can you make out of a banana?
Slippers!
Last night I dreamt I was swimming in a sea of oranges. I guess it was just a Fanta-sea!
The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.
Why did the donut go to the dentist? It needed a filling!"
On what radio station would you hear Bob Dill-on?
Vlasic rock.
Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory?
“Lack of concentration.”
What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything.
My Dad told me why Busch is the only brand of beer he ever drinks.
"It's the only beer that says it's name when you open it."
Be careful what you say in a corn maze. The walls have ears.
Where do eggs go on holiday?
New Yolk.
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
What do you call a pastry that is a priest?
A Holy Donut!
The pancake thought he was the best breakfast food because nobody stacked up to him.
What is the best way to make gold soup? By adding 22 carrots in it.
What do you give a horse that has just won the Kentucky Derby? An Appletini.
What's the difference between French fries and orange juice?
You can make orange juice out of orange, but not French fries out of French
Did you hear about the guy who opened up a store where they only sell Swiss cheese?
It’s a hole business strategy.
You've really struck a gourd with me...
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
Did I invite you to the Barbecue?
Then why are you all up in my grill?
"Is that a yay or cabernet?"
What do sophisticated fish drink? Salt-Tea.
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
The strawberry was scared of the cream. They were afraid it had gone bad.
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he ate his soup before it was cool.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
What did the cherry say to the cherry pie? I really crust you.
The orange said to the melon, “You are one in a melon.” The melon replied, “You are so appealing.”
Q: Why can’t oranges be pirates?
A: They don’t get scurvy.
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.
Which language do oranges use to speak to each other? Mandarin.
What did the Egg say to the boiling water? It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
What is a chocolate covered car called?
A Ferrari Rocher
They fired the loaf of bread from her job. They say that she kept breaking down and would rye on the job.
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
What goes in dry and comes out wet. The longer I'm in, the stronger I get.
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said I was jammed.
Why did the burglar break into the bakery?
Because he heard the cakes were rich.
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