What do you say when a fruit wins the talent show? How about them apples?
What do you call an onion that carries electromagnetic waves? A photonion.
Why did the orange become juice?
It couldn't handle the pressure.
I’m zesting a lemon for a recipe right now
It’s really appealing
What does a mommy cherry say to her children? I love you cherry much.
What did the pastry chef say when a banana cream pie he made completely satisfies a tyrannical ruler?
It hit despot.
Cherry pie will set you back 10 dollars in Antigua, but 15 in Barbados. Yes, those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
I got my paycheck with a lemon slice on it today...
turned out my ex-wife was garnishing my wages.
What did the newspaper say to the ice cream? What's the scoop
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
"Great minds drink alike."
What kind of cookies do poor people want during Halloween? Fortune cookies.
Potatoes have skin. I have skin. Ergo, I am a potato
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
During World War 2, sending food to the troops was a challenge. Researchers had to concentrate to figure out how to send orange juice.
Did you hear about the man who stole thousands of dollars worth of rare tea?
He went to prison for Oolong time.
You can fix a broken strawberry with a strawberry patch.
What do you call young avocados?
Avokiddos.
What did baby clock ask mama clock? Where's father Thyme.
And speaking of meloncholy, I heard that’s what you get when you cross a watermelon and broccoli.
A lettuce farm was busted by the FDA on suspicion of combining plant and human DNA to create a new protein hybrid.
When they dug up the grounds the found human romaines.
What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
Having pineapple on a pizza is quite like going down on a cousin: It might taste good, but something is not right.
So, what do you do with an epileptic watermelon? Simple, you make a seizure salad.
Mum, you are my soup-er star.
What do we call a plumb pineapple? It is called a pineapple chunk!
Why are oranges the smartest fruit?
Because they are made to concentrate.
What did Shakespeare say as he was making a cheese plate?
To brie or not to brie.
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
Did you hear about the guy who had an addiction to cheddar cheese?
It was only mild.
How do you know it's cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get chocolate ice cream!
Mom: Did you watch the movie with the little pumpkins?
Dad: I stopped it early because it was too gourdy for me.
Love is also like a pineapple: They both are undefinable and sweet.
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
I have been trying to write a new pizza joke…
But I can’t work out the delivery.
What does an onion say when you are upset because of it one day? It says, "I am sorry that I made you cry!"
Remember to stop and smell the rosé.
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice
Strawberries are only made in the strawberry plant.
Do you know why does your mother often shave a peach when cooking? Because she only needs nectarines for the recipe.
Vegans really have a beef with meat.
On Father's Day my family went strawberry picking. Later on, we decided to make a jam...
...from the fruits of our labor
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
Why did the clock in the donut shop run slow?
It always went back four seconds
The jam bank went bankrupt because of the series of strobberies in the last quarter.
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
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