What kind of milk do people drink in Mexico? Soy milk.
How do you get a musician off your front porch?
Pay for the pizza.
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
What do pizza delivery guys and porn stars both see too much of?
Stiff tips.
Why did the orange fall out of the tree?
It went out on a limb.
What does a pirate pay for his corn?
A buccaneer!
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
What happens when you go on an all-cheese diet?
You cheddar few pounds.
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
How can you spot a fashionista donut?
They’re into all the latest glazes.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
Where were the first orange trees planted?
“In Orange County.”
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
Why does the Pope love Swiss cheese so much?
It’s hole-y.
How do astronauts like to eat their ice cream?
Floats.
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
I went to watch a play and there were so many peach errors in the dialogues.
Why does Satan not eat the bread part of the pizza?
Because he's the Anti-Crust!
What did Gorgonzola say to Cheddar? Lookin' Sharp.
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
Why was the orange skeptical of everyone around him?
He was planted with a seed of doubt.
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
Why are tomatoes the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.
Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill? It ran out of juice.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
I need to take this picture for my instayam
Why didn't the butcher cross the road? He didn't want to brisket!
What did an angry donut say to his wife?
Donut talk to me.
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
Someone asked me recently why I don't put any ketchup or mustard on my hotdog
And I told them it's because I just wanna relish it.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
Q: Why was the cherry by himself?
A: Because the banana split.
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
What did the pear say to the other pear when they just got together?
It’s good to be a pair.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
Some people have to stop telling meat puns, because they simply butcher every single joke.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
Did you hear about the unlucky man who bought some bananas? They were empty.
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort.
Why did the principal bring Clam Chowder to school? For the Soup-erintendent.
How did the vineyard launch the new champagne making business?
They crashed a small boat into it.
What is soap's favorite brand of beer?
Sud-light
How do you get the most apples at Halloween? Take a snorkel.
What happens after you eat an entire gallon of "All Natural" ice cream? You get Breyer's remorse!
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