Why do we enjoy wine jokes?
Because they're de-vine!
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
John, you have so much po(tato)tential!
Why didn't the unripe strawberry got any cards and chocolates for Valentine's Day? Because it was really sour.
What group of cheese has been known to fly? Curds of prey!
Why did the orange get insurance?
Zest in case.
Broccoli: I look like a tree. Walnut: I look like a brain. Mushroom: I look like an umbrella. Banan Can we change the topic?
What do you call a cow that has 1 leg? Steak
A sad peach can be really pit-iful, sometimes.
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
Why can't you tease egg whites?
Because they can't take a yolk.
How did the vineyard launch the new champagne making business?
They crashed a small boat into it.
I yam rooting for you my sweet potato and I won't mash your heart
Why did the monkey like the banana? Because it had appeal!
The big play is in seven days, you better work on your peach enhancement techniques.
What did bacon say to tomato? Lettuce get together.
What do cheese makers dance to on halloween? The muenster mash!
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
Why did the burglar break into the bakery?
Because he heard the cakes were rich.
How old was the cave man on his birthday?
Stone Age.
Why don't anarchists drink green tea?
Because it helps fight free radicals.
What type of window do donuts prefer in their homes?
Double glazed.
What's yellow and always points to the north? A magnetic banana.
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
What did the perverted pumpkin use for his pick-up line?
Hey gourd-geous! Wanna go back to my place and squash?
My friend mashed up some cherries on halloween and said they were blood. I was cherry-fied!
They fired the loaf of bread from her job. They say that she kept breaking down and would rye on the job.
"Chardonnay or should I go?"
How do you get a mouse to smile?
Say cheese.
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle?
“An Orange County Chopper.”
Why don't potatoes go to parties?
They're scared of the Monster Mash.
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
I saw a fruit running from the police recently
It was a water felon.
"Sip happens."
Today, I am eating a bun filled with pineapple and ham for my dinner. That is Hawaii roll.
Where do cows go to celebrate New Years Eve? To a meat ball!
Someone asked me recently why I don't put any ketchup or mustard on my hotdog
And I told them it's because I just wanna relish it.
What’s an apple’s favorite movie? Mr and Mr Smith.
Lately my wife has been looking at me as if I'm a piece of meat....
And it wouldn't bother me, if she wasn't a vegan.
A chap goes to see the doctor with salt on one ear and pepper on the other. The doctor says, “You need to start eating more sensibly”.
If you put your ear up to a Taco Shell
You can hear the Sí.
The informant obtained their information by burying themselves in the ground, disguised with a crown and some rind. Police called him the pineapple plant.
On what radio station would you hear Bob Dill-on?
Vlasic rock.
And speaking of meloncholy, I heard that’s what you get when you cross a watermelon and broccoli.
Why did one pineapple invite another to their party? Because they were real piner-pals.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
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