What is the hippest kind of fruit? A bae-nae-nae.
If my Hindu girlfriend thinks I'm going to eat Indian food, she has another think cumin.
The best thing ever to put in a strawberry pie is your teeth.
What do you get when you cross a human and a pear?
A pear-son.
What would you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers!
What’s the worst thing about a bread pun?
It tends to get stale.
What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!
There are actually two types of apple: pine – apple and bad – apple.
What is the similarity between a superhero and an onion? They both have layers.
What is a chocolate covered car called?
A Ferrari Rocher
Did you hear that the diet clinic was doing great business? They say that it’d really take your breadth away.
Why did the farmer buy a brown cow?
He wanted chocolate milk.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
What is a cow's favorite deli meat? Bull-ogna!
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
It's Taco Night, so on my way home, I grabbed a bag of shredded cheese at the store, queso we needed some more.
.
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog.
Q: Why was the fruit not selected for the singing competition?
A: He has a flat peach.
Mum, you are my soup-er star.
What is Whitney Houston's favorite kind of lettuce?
Ennnnnnndddiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivvvee.
How do you get the most apples at Halloween? Take a snorkel.
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
What does a good spice rack help you win? The Hunger Games.
Having chicken broth before the game was a sure shot way to maintain energy for the Soup-er Bowl.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal?
Megadeath by Chocolate.
You had to use rennet to curdle the milk for making Ricotta, not lemon juice!
This is not the right whey.
Why couldnt the pumpkin have kids?
He had a halloweener.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
What do donuts wear to weddings? Tuxe-doughs!
Pizza: the only time top-less isn't fun
What does a loaf of bread say when breaking up with his girlfriend?
You deserve butter.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
Why was the white wine's off-beat pun so boo-ed?
Because it was too corky.
What does an ice cream lawyer say?
You got served.
What did the cherry say when it won its third Olympic gold medal? That's just the cherry on top of a successful career.
What's an astronaut's favorite meat? Launch meat!
Mom, what do we have for dinner? I cannot tell you, son, it is a soup-rise! Is it soup? I soup-pose it would be.
I had a meal recently that was made with ketchup and mustard.
It was delicious! My condiments to the chef!
What's the difference between Hummus and Humus?
"mmmm"
How do hot dogs greet each other? They say “give me some skin!”
My favorite fruit is the pear.
Because if you have two and you eat one, you still have a pear left.
Why did the cheese lover hide cheese in the back of his fridge?
In queso emergency.
“We are experiencing slight tuber-lence on the flight”
What do they say when you leave the cheese store?
Have a gouda day!
What do you call it when Satan steals your guacamole?
Playing Devil’s Avocado.
What kind of wine is aged to purr-fection?
Mos-cat-o!
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
Every December, I really like making an emulsion of egg yolks, melted butter and lemon juice.
So its guaranteed to be a Happy Hollandaise
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