Why can't chefs play baseball? They always get caught trying to steal a basil.
What did the pickle say when he was told he was going in to a salad?
I relish the thought.
No one likes sausage puns, they are the wurst!
Why did the orange get insurance?
Zest in case.
Why did the fruit run for president? He wanted world peach.
What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer nuts are $2.50. Deer nuts are under a buck
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
I loved the soup that they served at the local restaurant yesterday. It was simply pho-nomenol.
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
My doctor recommended exercise to slim down as well as some orange juice for vitamins
It’s the weight and C approach I guess.
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
The oranges have great eyesight because they always keep their eyes peeled.
What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy?
Sauvign-yawn blanc!
Did you hear what happened when the decorator painted his wife with cheese? He double Gloucester!
Don’t hang around booze hounds. They’re wine-y bitches.
What do you call a pear with loose morals?
A prostifruit.
Knock Knock
Who’s there Justin Justin who? Justin time to make the donuts!
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
If we cross lobster bisque and Elon Musk, what we have is a soup-er car
What do you call an onion that carries electromagnetic waves? A photonion.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
What would you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers!
I can’t help but laugh a little when I see a pun about chocolate bars… snickers
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SpongeBob SquarePants!
What is a cheese lover’s favorite musician?
Mozart-arella.
Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
The Reds!
What did the tortilla chip say to the guacamole?
“You are all I avo wanted.”
What did the worm want to do when he grew up? He wanted to join the Apple Core (Corps).
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
Husband: "These pears a perfect right now."
Me: "Would you say they're 'pear-fect'?"
This foundation is rock salad.
Why are bread puns the greatest? They never grow mold.
The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
What drink scares defense lawyers? Guilt-Tea.
Last time I was in France I wanted to ask a question about strawberries
But I wasn't sure how to fraise it.
"I make pour decisions."
How did the vineyard launch the new champagne making business?
They crashed a small boat into it.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
What does a cheese like to drink after a long day?
Morbier.
Have you heard of the garlic diet? You don't lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner!
We all know that the New England Patriots have their soup in the Super Bowl.
When the peach pit farewell to his friend, he said, "See you later, peach out".
What do you get when you throw lettuce into the ocean?
I don't know lettuce sea.
What did the therapist say to the pineapple? Look on the bright side.
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
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