Do you know why does your mother often shave a peach when cooking? Because she only needs nectarines for the recipe.
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
Q: What do you call a really violent fruit?
A: A peach breaker
Why did the FBI surround the president with cows? They were beefing up security!”
What did one cherry say to the other cherry? If you weren't so tasty we wouldn't be in this jam.
Did you know that bread that you make into buns is always relaxed? Yes, they just like to roll with it.
The strawberry went out with the grape only because he couldn't find a date.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
What do you get from an Alaskan cow ? Ice Cream
What do you call the king of vegetables? Elvis Parsley.
Maturity is typically most rapid in a low latitude, where women and pineapples most do thrive.
Do you know what you call the outside of a watermelon?
“Rind of.”
Why did the man lose his job in a fruit packing firm? He kept throwing the bent bananas away.
It's my first day on the fishing boat and everyone keeps asking if I've found my sea legs.
I'm not falling for it though. I know for a fact that seals don't lay eggs.
The innocent blueberry got easily framed for the crime because the evidence was a strawberry plant.
The plural of mango should be changed to mengo
Don't drink too much coffee after breakfast. You might face a latte problems.
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
Where do cows go to celebrate New Years Eve? To a meat ball!
"Rosé all day."
How good is a Coney Island gyro? Feta than se*.
Who is the most powerful potato? Darth Tater.
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
What happens after you eat an entire gallon of "All Natural" ice cream? You get Breyer's remorse!
Why is cherry pie so legendary? Because it is history in the baking.
What do you call a potato that has turned to the dark side? Vader tots!
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday?
Mice cream and cake!
What kind of potatoes are in the best shape? Hash browns; they’re totally shredded!
Those people are preparing peach gelato because they want to demonstrate their rights to freeze peach!
What is red and goes putt, putt, putt? An outboard apple.
The watermelon plant didn’t like sharing a garden with passion vines; but they started to grow on him.
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
The soup was busy and preoccupied. He was stewing over something his friend said.
Husband: "These pears a perfect right now."
Me: "Would you say they're 'pear-fect'?"
Why was the white wine's off-beat pun so boo-ed?
Because it was too corky.
I got canned from a Orange juice factory...
Just couldn't concentrate.
What do you call royal pineapple? Your pine-ness.
I'm going to start a hummus brand that comes in really difficult to open containers.
It's gonna be called 'hummus posta eat this'.
The unripe strawberry wasn't added to the starting lineup of the game because he was too green.
Which is the most religious cheese? Swiss, because it is holy.
How do you make sweet corn?
You whisper sweet nothings in its ear!
Why was the slice of bread upset with her husband?
He told her she was being too kneady.
You’re the tater to my tot. I miss you a lot!
What do you get when you cross an avocado with a two way radio?
A Guackie-talkie
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
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