What do you call really scared pasta?
Chicken noodles.
What did the pastry chef say when a banana cream pie he made completely satisfies a tyrannical ruler?
It hit despot.
What do you call meat balls falling from the sky? A meat-ior shower.
How do you make soup rich? Add 24 carrots.
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
Time to celery-brate.
What’s the best thing to put in a donut?
Your teeth.
When the chef asked me how I would like my soup, I said "I would like minestrone".
The retiring orchard gardener made a farewell peach that was really heart-warming.
Me: I think I'll take a dip in the pool.
Lifeguard: What ya got there?
Me: Hummus.
What song was the peach listening to? 'Stronger with Peach Tear'.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
What happens when you try to eat 5 candy bars at once? You're gonna choke alot.
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
My peach friend shaved for the first time the other day, he looks like a nectarine!
A skeleton walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer and a mop.
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
"It's wine o'clock."
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite musician?
Mozart-arella.
There are two types of people in this world: People who love chocolate and liars. A study says that chocolate may lower your chances of a stroke. That is, a swimming stroke, a golf stroke, a tennis stroke.
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
Made the mistake of offering my realtor some lipton iced tea
I forgot that he only drinks realty.
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
Why did the thief steal a pig? Because he was a hamburglar.
Why does bread looks so bad in photographs?
It’s just too grainy.
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
You really ate dog meat? How was it?
.... ruff
When the orange started peeling, he was glad it was finally cutting some weight.
What did the grilled cheese sandwich say to their date?
“You make me melt.”
Why was the girl staring at the carton of orange juice?
“It said concentrate.”
What did the girl dinosaur ask her pet dog?
"Do you want some tea, Rex?"
What do you call an ant dipped in chocolate? Decad-ant.
My daughter picked up a piece of fruit and asked, "Is this a pear?"
"No," I replied, "there is only one."
I ran out of toilet paper, so started wiping using lettuce leaves
But I'm scared this is the tip of the iceberg.
What do you call cheese who attends art openings?
Cultured.
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
The cow intestine dish was offal, but the pig organ tacos was grocer!
Broccoli: I look like a tree. Walnut: I look like a brain. Mushroom: I look like an umbrella. Banan Can we change the topic?
I am a peach, and when my husband accompanies me, we are a pear.
What do you find if you hang from a cherry tree for hours and hours? You find that your arms get sore.
Why do Jack-o-lanterns have silly smiles on their faces? You'd have a silly smile, too, if you had just had all your brains scooped out!
While breaking up with Princess Peach, Mario said "You are so peachy, I can't take it anymore".
What kind of ice cream to electricians eat?
Shock a lot.
Q: Why are cherries never lonely?
A: Because they hang around in bunches.
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his donut?
He was stuffed!
What kind of donuts fly? Plain ones!
One day, my stepfather ordered some fish tacos. I asked him what kind of fish goes in a fish taco.
He said, "Dead."
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