"Sip, sip hooray."
My boss accused me of "acting the monkey" at work.
I almost choked on my banana.
Ugh.. I ate too much hummus..
And now I filafel.
What is an astronauts favorite chocolate? A marsbar!
What did the guy at the party say when he realized there was nothing left to dip his tortilla chip in?
“I’ve hit guac bottom.”
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
What do you call it when 13 preschoolers have just had their juice?
A Daycare's Buzzin'.
What's worst than a monkey eating bananas? A monkey going bananas.
Where do pepperonis go on vacation?
The Leaning Tower of Pizza.
What makes the soup of a dragon so delicious is the addition of firecrackers.
Why’d the lettuce blush?
It saw the salad dressing.
Pirates used to make a delicious snack for themselves by crossing pate with flowers. They called it “lily livered”.
Why couldn’t the donut reach enlightenment? Because it was already holy.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
I met him yesterday, he was on his way to meet the counselor for a peach therapy session.
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
My father is a farmer who grows strawberries. However, his business has recently gone into liquidation after he made smoothies.
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
What does a cat lady say on Friday night?
I am drinking wine and feline fine!
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
How do you defeat a meat-loving vampire? With a steak to the heart!
A lemon says to an orange, “What are you up to?”
The orange replies, “Not much. Just hanging ‘round.”
Why do donuts make terrible teachers?
They’re always glazing over the important stuff.
Q: Why did the cherry stop in the middle of the road?
A: It ran out of juice.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
What do you drink if you want to freshen your breath? Mint-Tea.
If you eat too many cherries, you can sometimes end up with digestive issues. It really is the pits.
Q: Where do fruits manufacture their money?
A: Peach Mint.
Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.
Why did the crazy man lose his job at the dairy factory? He was a danger to himself and udders.
What did the skeleton order for lunch? Spare ribs!
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
My wife asked me this morning "Do you want a bacon omelette?"
I said "No, I'd rather fry one."
I invited a turkey over for dinner. He was very late for dinner – when I asked him about it, he said he was busy getting dressed.
Why are bread puns the greatest? They never grow mold.
Why doesn’t anyone like to hang out with crackers?
Someone always cuts the cheese.
Who is the superhero who loves to have soup all the time? Souper-man.
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
Do librarians like white wine?
No, they like theirs well red!
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
Some people prefer milk after it has churned. I guess they find it butter that way.
Having chicken broth before the game was a sure shot way to maintain energy for the Soup-er Bowl.
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
What do we call a beautiful picture drawn by a peach artist? – It is a great peach of work.
What do we call a plumb pineapple? It is called a pineapple chunk!
What did the priest say before he and his family ate their salad?
Lettuce pray.
Why doesn’t anyone invite an ice cream cone to their party?
They’re a drip.
When I was younger, I once smashed up a nest of heron's eggs.
No egrets.
What do you call a punctual citrus fruit?
A Clockwork Orange.
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