I love you from my head tomato
Did you know, you can actually hide a gigantic elephant in a cherry tree? All you need to do is paint its toenails red. I bet you don’t believe me – but have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? I rest my case.
If you put your ear up to a Taco Shell
You can hear the Sí.
What did the insulted orange say to the kiwi? Ex-squeeze-me?
The peach was late for work because it had to make some pit stops on the way.
What do you call fake oranges?
“Pulp Fiction”
Some people like beer goggles. I prefer wine glasses.
"What do tofu and a dildo have in common?" "They are both meat substitutes!"
Boil ’em, mash ’em, stick ’em in a stew. Happy Birthday from me to you!
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
What is a cheese lover’s favorite rap artist?
Feta wap.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite type of music?
R n’ Brie.
Why do banana's do so well on the dating scene? Because they have Appeal!
Why do ice cream cones always carry an umbrella?
There’s a chance of sprinkles.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
If you’re looking for potato puns, you can count on me to chip in.
What do teapots wear to a tea party? A T-shirt.
Did you hear the little loaves playing hide-and-seek earlier? They kept yelling, “Bready or not, here I come!”
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
What did the pepperoni say to the cook?
You wanna pizza me?
How did the pine propose to the apple? With a pineapple ring.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
If you are wondering about the most important constitutional right of a peach citizen, well, it's none other than freedom of peach.
You better watch out before you play a game with any bread? Baguette ready to lose.
What is the perfect name for a sad strawberry? It is called a blueberry.
I don't like cutting up a peach. I think it's because of the pits.
Cows don’t make very good cops. They refuse to go on steak outs.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
What did one bread say to another after a long day? Don’t worry because tomorrow will be butter.
A strawberry will never help another strawberry because they tend to always get into jams.
I saw a strawberry with a gun, robbing a man. I am guessing he was in a jam.
What is a lion’s favorite cheese?
Roarquefort.
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
How does a cookie wish his friends for Christmas? I whisk you a merry Christmas.
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? CHICKEN CAESER SALAD.
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
What is a potato’s favorite baseball team? The New York Yamkees
The tiny bag of flour got in trouble, so his mother sent him to bread early. He kneaded to be punished.
If I buy you guacamole, will you sleep with me?
You must think I’m some kind of avocad-ho.
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
My dad always used to tell me, "Never put all your eggs in one basket."
Which is probably why we lost the Easter egg hunt.
Why don’t these children eat their soup? Because all of them is stew-pid.
What would you call a steak that leaped off the table and ran away? Fast food, of course.
What do you get when you put Cola in an oven?
Baking soda.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake?
Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!
What did the parmesan say when it broke up with the mozzarella?
Sorry but I am too mature for you.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
What do you call it when someone hits avocados repeatedly with a hammer?
Gu-whack-a-mole-e.
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