Why did the fruit bat eat the orange?
“Because it had appeal.”
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym?
Hard core.
What’s the best view you can get in our galaxy? A view of the milky way from mars.
Cows love music. In fact, they even have a favourite note: beef flat.
So, how on earth did the police catch the watermelon thief without a solid description? Don’t really know; guess the bloke was acting seedy.
The fruit politician is losing its support in the country because of hate peach.
What type of relationships do hotdogs like to have? A frank relationship, they can’t stand lies.
Even though Jake was a heartthrob Casanova, he just had to break up with his long-time watermelon vending girlfriend; said she was always melondramatic about everything.
What type of person doesn’t like pizza?
A weir-dough.
Be careful what you say in a corn maze. The walls have ears.
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
Onions are great at being psychologists as they let people cry their hearts out in front of them.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
Our local butcher had to go to the doctor the other day. He didn’t know what was wrong, but said that he was feeling offal.
My wife asked me why I bought a pear tree.
I told her "what, you told me to grow a pear."
I was very surprised to hear those insane rapping skills from my green onions. It had lived up to its name of rapscallion.
What type of keys does the gingerbread man unlock his door with? cook-keys!
I really like corn, but I can't find it because this time of year it's never in stalk
Where do eggs go on holiday?
New Yolk.
I always tend to forget the french word for strawberry sometimes. But, then I eventually remember the fraise.
What do you call half a head of lettuce?
The Romaine-der.
I’m a wrapper, so I get a lot of dough. A bread wrapper, that is.
What do you call it when Satan steals your guacamole?
Playing Devil’s Avocado.
It’s too bad that bread puns are always so crumby. Mmm . . . crumbs.
How did the cheese professor start class every day?
Oh queso…
Why does the Pope love Swiss cheese so much?
It’s hole-y.
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his donut?
He was stuffed!
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
Where do bananas go to learn to be sweet?
Sundae School.
What did the pickle say to the lemon?
I relish our time together
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
Say this aloud: Eye Yam Stew Peed
What do you call a potato that’s reluctant to jump into boiling water? A hesi-tater.
Q: Which basketball players eat fruits?
A: The ones who like to cherry pick.
What is the suckiest fruit?
A strawberry.
Soft fruits make really supportive parents. Whenever their youngsters fail at something, they just smile and say “Have another bite at the cherry.”
I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
Accidentally I spilt some tomato ketchup in my eye.
In Heinze sight, it was my mistake.
What type of window do donuts prefer in their homes?
Double glazed.
“I only like lemons,”
Said Michael zestfully.
What is a chillin' banana's favorite song?
Mellow Yellow!
Why did the teapot get in trouble? Because he was Naught-Tea.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
Why shouldn’t you go into business with a watermelon?
“They’re seedy.”
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday?
Mice cream and cake!
What do red berries say during the season they love best? Cherry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Did you hear about the salad race the other day?
The Lettuce was ahead, but the Tomato was ketchoping up...
A truck with an entire load of strawberries has crashed on the motorway. It's caused a real traffic jam.
Why is ice cream so bad at tennis?
They have a soft serve.
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