The bread actor was sad because he lost a juicy roll.
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
What do you call a single, solitary kernel of corn?
A unicorn!
Do you want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind it's too cheesy.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
When the orange started peeling, he was glad it was finally cutting some weight.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
I once attended the saddest watermelon funeral I’ve ever been to. I gotta say, I’ve never seen anything so meloncholy in my life.
A cabbage said to a DJ “lettuce turnip the beet!”
Why are watermelons, such good entrepreneurs?
“They always have seed money.”
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
What is a ghost peppers favorite Leonardo Dicaprio film? Catch me if you Cayenne.
What do you call a banana who gets all the girls?
A banana smoothie.
How can we tell the difference between a can of beef soup and a can of pork soup? Just read the labels.
What do magician avocados say?
Avocadabra!
How do you celebrate orange drink that doesn't expire?
Woo! Tang is forever!
What does bread say to a friend after doing them a favor?
It’s the yeast I could do.
What did the parmesan say when it broke up with the mozzarella?
Sorry but I am too mature for you.
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
What do you call a cow that has 2 legs? Side of beef
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
Why did the cheese get in trouble?
It was up to no gouda.
Digital burgers are nothing but processed meat.
Q: What’s a nectarine?
A: A peach with balding problems.
Just found a fly in my beer. I'm feeling buzzed.
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
My bag of fruit snacks had all grapes
Today’s gonna be a grape day!
A cream-filled donut and an eclair decided to get a divorce.
It’s a sad story, but the real victims are their children. They’re in for a grueling custardy battle.
What kind of face cream does a strawberry buys?
Blackhead removal cream and scrub
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
Did you hear about the pick-up artist who only ever wears green leaves on his head? Yeah, he’s definitely a pineapple smoothie.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
Why is cherry pie so legendary? Because it is history in the baking.
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
What's a baby gherkin's favorite TV channel?
Pickleodeon.
What beer does everyone at the orphanage drink?
Foster's.
When banana growers are heart broken, what do they sing? What else but Peelings?
What do you call a pastry that is a priest?
A Holy Donut!
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
Why are you eating a banana with the skin on? Oh, it's all right. I know what's inside.
What do you call corn that joins the army?
Kernel.
A magnetic strawberry is always red and points north.
When would an apple be not an apple? When it is a pineapple!
My car smelled like bacon when I got home.
My porking brake was on.
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
Time to celery-brate.
When you accidentally step on a cheerio, you become a cereal killer.
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