How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
How do you know that beer makes you smarter?
Because it made bud wiser.
What did one cherry say to the other cherry? If you weren't so tasty we wouldn't be in this jam.
Did you see the award-winning movie about a hot dog? It was an Oscar wiener!
I was surprised at the number of onions needed for this dish- it calls for shallot of onions.
Even though Jake was a heartthrob Casanova, he just had to break up with his long-time watermelon vending girlfriend; said she was always melondramatic about everything.
Why did the banana go out with a lemon?
Because it couldn't find a date!
This year for Valentine's day I got my wife the ace of hearts and packets of corn flour, rice flour and self raising flour
She wasn't happy. Apparently it wasn't what she meant when she said she just wanted a card and flowers.
Did you hear about the butcher who sat on his bacon slicer?
He got a little behind in his deliveries.
What's an egg's favorite tree?
A y-oak tree.
When she asked me if I like soup, I replied saying "I am crazy pho soups".
What is the pineapple’s relationship status? Pineapply married.
What do you give to a sick lemon?
lemonaid.
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
Q: Why did no one like peach’s personality?
A: Because it had a heart of stone.
What did the perverted pumpkin use for his pick-up line?
Hey gourd-geous! Wanna go back to my place and squash?
A musical strawberry jam that knows how to play the trumpet is called Tooty fruity.
Don't be a jerk-o-lantern
A fruit was madly in love, it was peachy–keen.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow-weenie!”
Don’t ask me why I love wine. I have my rieslings.
Apparently there's a fruit that is naturally radioactive.
I think that's bananas!
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
I am pretty sure that the favourite soup of Dracula is the Scream of tomato.
Potato puns are a-peeling.
There’s a hair in my wine. The grapes must have been fur-mented.
I tried looking up ice cream puns on the Internet...
But then my browser froze.
Why did the baker quit making donuts?
Because he was fed up with the hole business!
What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
An eggomaniac.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
Q: How do two cherries make up after an argument?
A: They cherry the hatchet.
Q: What happens when two oranges collide?
A: They get en-tang-led!
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
The bowl of soup you bought yesterday from the Chinese restaurant was souper terrible.
Did you hear what happened to the cheese after its breakup?
It got provolonely.
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
I hate it when I run out of bread for breakfast. I am lack-toast intolerant.
Why did you find a stoned able Sherlock Holmes applying ketchup to your front yard ??
Because he's a high-functioning sauce-your-path.
What happened to the men who lost their lettuce?
I don't know, but apparently they lost their heads.
A sad peach can be really pit-iful, sometimes.
What is the left side of an apple? The part that you don't eat.
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?
Strawberries.
I saw a pun on chocolate bars but it wasn’t that fun
So I just snickered.
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
Strawberries love to travel. Their favorite mode of transport is the wind-jam-mer.
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
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