The healthy soup recipe was suggested to us by the nutritionist. It soup-erseded the old unhealthy creamy soup we used to have for dinner.
Why was the orange feeling sad?
It lost its zest for life.
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
Did you hear about the CEO that got fired at the dairy farm? He was skimming a little bit off the top.
What wisdom did the daddy cheese pass down to his son?
A curd in the hand is worth two in the bush.
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
Dog Joke: What do you call a Collie with a mango on it's back?
Mango Lassie.
What is the best part of Valentine’s day?
The day after, when all the chocolate goes on sale.
Why did you find a stoned able Sherlock Holmes applying ketchup to your front yard ??
Because he's a high-functioning sauce-your-path.
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
What's the only tea an Englishman can't stand?
Humidity.
What kind of ice cream to electricians eat?
Shock a lot.
If you speak Hebrew and life gives you lemons...
You're an acidic Jew.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk,
It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.
Eggs - the original boneless chicken.
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
Why were the kids throwing flour and bread at their school? They wanted to rise to the occasion.
What type of window do donuts prefer in their homes?
Double glazed.
Where do connoisseurs lock up their best bottles?
In a wine cabernet.
What's the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg? Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose.
Why was red in awe of orange?
“Because orange blue green.”
Sheep have a clever way of keeping all their four feet warm in the winter; they wear muttons.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
My dad said he wanted to steal a pumpkin
but all the stores were well-gourded.
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite video game, well it's definitely 'Super Princess Peach'.
Why shouldn't you buy illegal seasonings? It's always a shady dill.
What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A plumpkin!
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
What do you call a sweet onion? Caramelized!
He says to the doctor, "Help me Doc, what's the matter with me?"
The doctor replies, "That's easy. You're not eating properly."
The young lady had to throw her toaster in the trash. She was diagnosed as black-toast intolerant.
In the middle of the night yesterday, I dreamt that I was swimming in a sea of oranges only to wake up and realize that it was just a Fanta-sea.
How does Bob Marley like his donuts?
Wi’ jam in.
The bowl of soup you bought yesterday from the Chinese restaurant was souper terrible.
You knead me in your loaf.
Did you hear about the little people starting a beer making operation?
It's a micro brewery.
Everyone needs to eat bread because loaf is what makes the world go round. Loaf truly is.
I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”
When does a hot dog have a close shave? At the barber-cue!
What is a pizza’s favorite movie?
Pie hard.
Wino Woe: Forgive me, for I have zinned!
What is a corn's favorite song?
Corn fields forever.
Why did black chocolate cry over his wine glass?
Because it was his bitter half.
What do bandages like to put on their salad?
A wound dressing.
Why does Britain like tea so much?
Because tea leaves.
What is a dessert called with an extra chromosome?
A chocolate downie.
Did you hear what happened with the sourdough bread? It really rose to the occasion today.
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