What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
I felt like telling you the joke about a strawberry jam on a piece of bread, but I won't. You might go around spreading it.
In the 1970s, hippies loved going to a Grateful Dead concert and getting toasted. That’s certainly the truth.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s sea salt.
What did the expired milk say after being picked up way past its due date? It was well beyond their wildest creams.
What did the avocado say to the fork? “You guac my world.”
What did the salt say when the phosphate asked to bond with it?
"NaCl ater."
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
Where do connoisseurs lock up their best bottles?
In a wine cabernet.
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
Why did the donut go to the dentist? It needed a filling!"
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
Strawberries are great musicians because they make perfect jam sessions.
Do you know what the common thing between a pineapple and a king is? Both of them wear a crown proudly on their top.
What cookie makes you rich? A fortune cookie!
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
Did you hear about the cheese lover who took his girlfriend for granted?
How dairy.
What do you call seasoned and dried robot meat?
Beep chirpy
What covers the floor of the motzarella forest?
Cheese sticks.
Why does the lettuce always win the bodybuilding competition?
Cuz it starts a head and is usually shredded.
What is the left side of an apple? The part that you don't eat.
When I went to the shop to buy some strawberries, they didn't have any. It was such a fruitless trip.
Why does everyone want ice cream to be on their team?
Because with them, anything is popsicle.
What do you call a potato that smokes weed? A baked potato.
I tried looking up ice cream puns on the Internet...
But then my browser froze.
How do you know when guacamole has gone bad?
When it turns guaca-moldy.
The pancake was quiet because it did not like to waffle.
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
I got arrested for the way I eat corn.
They charged me with a salt and buttery.
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
One strawberry said to the other, “Were it not that you were so sweet, you wouldn’t have ended up in this jam.”
The watermelon plant didn’t like sharing a garden with passion vines; but they started to grow on him.
You are the best, I feel so peachy when I am with you!
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
One should always practice what they peach.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
A berry funny strawberry candy is called a Laffy taffy.
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
I hear Jake finally broke up with his crazy grocer girlfriend; never could tell water problem was.
How do you know when a potato is high? When it looks baked!
How many tacos can an octopus eat?
Ten tacos.
How busy was the donuts day? It was jam packed!
I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts I won’t lie, it was a Rocky Road.
Why were the kids throwing flour and bread at their school? They wanted to rise to the occasion.
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