What did baby clock ask mama clock? Where's father Thyme.
How did the corn farmer get to be so successful?
He corn-ered the market!
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
Who is the superhero who loves to have soup all the time? Souper-man.
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.
Why did the lettuce stop dating the mushroom?
He though she was a pretty fungal, but didn't have mushroom on its schedule.
What did the duck eat for lunch? Soup and Quackers.
Did you hear about the Italian chef with the terminal illness?
He pastaway. Now he’s just a pizza history.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
What is the perfect name for a sad strawberry? It is called a blueberry.
What did you just call me? Just because we’re Dark Chocolate does not give you the right to call us “Snickers”.That’s OUR word.
What's an egg's favorite movie?
Over Easy Rider.
The watermelon thief was charged with robbery with violence, but the judge later changed that to a minor felony; or melony as he put it.
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
Where did the garlic clove go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
What's grandma's favorite fruit?
a Ba-nana.
Fruit puns intended
Does he avacado? Because If not you should let that mango.
Did you hear about the policeman who tried to make love to a bacon slicer?
He had a tip off.
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What do you call two pears?
A pair.
Thank you for helping me. Biscuit’s the yeast I could do.
What do you call Chewbacca with chocolate stuck in its fur?
chocolate chip wookiee.
Why do hens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they'd break.
“How was your day? ” “It was a total disas-tater”
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.The Peach President lost the presidential race because he got im-peached.
I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.
I thought of a new joke that started in a corn field.
But I'm not going to post it bc it's too corny.
How do you describe an onion which is in its early stages after birth? You say it is in its onion-ic period of its life.
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
Did you hear about the sign on the bakery that got everyone talking? It said “I knead dough to live.”
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
Sometimes a pea starts acting like a diva. We call them a pea-Madonna.
When do franks tell insults? At a wienie roast!
Where do pepperonis go on vacation?
The Leaning Tower of Pizza.
What do people with ambition drink? Loft-Tea.
Picking strawberries can be a very fruitful endeavor!
Did you hear what happened with the sourdough bread? It really rose to the occasion today.
What type of keys does the gingerbread man unlock his door with? cook-keys!
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
An egg walks into a bar...
And makes a real mess.
After the death of his wife a few years, the pineapple stands on the graveyard and says “I pine for you, sweetheart!”
I love the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies They smell just like burned toast
My mother is so fastidious that she eats her alphabet soup in the alphabetical order.
Why did Bill's friend get covered in beer?
Because William Shakes Beer.
A magnetic strawberry is always red and points north.
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