Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.
I rarely put orange slices in my beer.
Once in a Blue Moon.
I hear you like wine, too. Grape minds think alike.
What do you call juice with no ice in it?
Ju.
Where do connoisseurs lock up their best bottles?
In a wine cabernet.
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
So I was standing in the grocery store comparing the prices of a couple packs of hummus when my roommate came up to me and suggest the off brand roasted red pepper kind to which I replied:
"Ya, I'm not really sure about that brand. They seem to be very hit and hummus for me."
He was not impressed.
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
How did the pine propose to the apple? With a pineapple ring.
What's the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg? Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose.
We’re a perfect mash.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
I love the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies They smell just like burned toast
What do you call half a head of lettuce?
The Romaine-der.
What do you call a sloppy Joe made with taco seasoned beef?
Sloppy José
My mother told me to leave the peach cobbler alone on the table. But I couldn't help but watch the cobbler make the beautiful peach shoes.
National Herbs and Spices Day is celebrated annually on June 10.
What did the pear say to the other pear when they just got together?
It’s good to be a pair.
People order potatoes a lot because they look a-peeling on the menu.
I can’t help but laugh a little when I see a pun about chocolate bars… snickers
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?
Through the grapevine.
What's a baby gherkin's favorite TV channel?
Pickleodeon.
What did the duck eat for lunch? Soup and Quackers.
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
How do little avocados get what they want?
They spread it on thick.
What did the guy at the party say when he realized there was nothing left to dip his tortilla chip in?
“I’ve hit guac bottom.”
Why do ice cream cones make such bad athletes?
They always get licked.
What do you call Chewbacca when you have chocolate stuck in your hair?
chocolate chip wookiee.
When you come across oranges wearing suntan lotion, don’t judge them harshly. They do so in order not to peel.
What is ice cream’s favorite day of the week?
Sundae.
Where were the first orange trees planted?
“In Orange County.”
What did an angry donut say to his wife?
Donut talk to me.
What would you call a dairy product that is horrible? “Udder bullshit.”
Did you hear that the diet clinic was doing great business? They say that it’d really take your breadth away.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
What did the therapist say to the pineapple? Look on the bright side.
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
What's a vampire's most favorite fruit? It must be a neck-tarine peach.
What do strawberries wear to bed?
Jammies!
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
I am pretty sure that the favourite soup of Dracula is the Scream of tomato.
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
The man on the table found hair in his soup. He said in rage "I will take the chef to soup-reme court".
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
Which is the Richest Cheese in the world? Paris Stilton.
How does cabernet like to travel abroad?
On a cruise sip.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
Strawberries are the most bullied of the fruits.
They're always getting picked on.
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