I went to watch a play and there were so many peach errors in the dialogues.
What do you call a lamb covered in chocolate? A Candy Baa. Did you hear about the love affair between Mr. Goodbar and Peppermint Patty? They had a baby, Ruth.
Hey you like cherry preserves ?
Never mind, its probably not your jam
What do you get if you cross a lemon with a dinosaur
Tyrannosourest Rex.
How did I make the mango tree fit in my flower-pot?
I planted it.
I have so mushroom in my heart for you.
In a world that is full of apples, it is much better to be a pineapple.
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
What’s the perfect gift for someone who is always raisin’ the bar? Oatmeal
raisin.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
The guilty conscience of stealing and consuming a whole peach is getting to me. I feel like there's a pit in my gut.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
What time do ladies drink wine?
At Wine O'Clock.
Why does salt make everything taste better
Because it's sodi-yummm!
What do you call half a head of lettuce?
The Romaine-der.
When the mama peach found out that his child had failed his class, she was s-peach-less.
An egg walks into a bar...
And makes a real mess.
There’s a great new rock and roll cover artist doing the rounds at the moment – his name is Chuck Cherry.
Why did the baker keep putting too much flour in the bread? Because he was a gluten for punishment.
Which tool does a peach biologist often use for its experiment? – A peachtree dish (Petri dish).
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
Why did the farmer hang raincoats all over his orchard? Someone told him he should get an apple Mac
What did the pineapple say to the pineapple chunk? Stay golden.
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
I watched a documentary about corn fields
It was really quite amaizeing
I wasn’t sure if I ordered enough tacos from Taco Bell.
So I got a just in quesadilla.
Dad fertilized the garden with corn starch.
The plot thickens.
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What do you call mountain climbing corn?
Mountain-ears.
Q: What’s red and goes up and down, up and down?
A: A cherry in a lift.
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
Strawberries have berry good eyesight because they are packed with a lot of Vitamin See.
Party Host: Would you like to try some mulled wine?
Party Guest: I'll have to think it over...
"Is that a yay or cabernet?"
Why did the teapot get in trouble? Because he was Naught-Tea.
If we played hot potato I’d lose, because I’d never let you go.
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
Despite the pun being so orange-inal, it wasn’t all that funny.
In the middle of the night yesterday, I dreamt that I was swimming in a sea of oranges only to wake up and realize that it was just a Fanta-sea.
Why did the butchers meating end soon? Because one of them started beef.
What did one bread say to another after a long day? Don’t worry because tomorrow will be butter.
I love meat. I think going vegetarian would be a big missed steak.
What does a cheese say when you ask him to share a secret?
He cantal.
What do fruits do when they are avoiding a problem? They cherry their heads in the sand.
Despite his puns being so orange-inal, nobody really likes them.
You don't know jack-o-lantern
I can’t help but laugh a little when I see a pun about chocolate bars… snickers
My mother says: “Leave that peach cobbler alone on the table!” However, I cannot help myself and sneak in to watch it making beautiful peach shoes.
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
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