What do you call corn with red, white and blue kernels?
Americorn.
Did you hear that they're trying to convict an orange?
It got wrapped up in appeal.
When strawberries, blueberries or blackberries meet another berry they like and want to get married who do they go see?
The marionberry
Why don’t oranges go around blind?
“Because they take Vitamin See!”
I always wondered why the watermelon loving librarian never touched any of the books; turns out she’d red them all.
I've been hitting the bottle pretty hard recently.
Still can't get the last of that ketchup out.
What do you call someone who steals from the keebler elves? A crook-ie
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
Where did Vegans come from?
Hummus Sapiens
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
If you’re looking for potato puns, you can count on me to chip in.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
What do prison tennis matches and strawberry jam have in common?
Cons-serve
What do you call people avoiding healthy fats?
Avocadonts.
I went to Taco Bell and order nacho fries
the person behind the counter wouldn't give them to me, just kept saying "nacho fries".
What did the therapist say to the pineapple? Look on the bright side.
What do you call chick peas in a cavern?
Humus Sapiens
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
Bananas, for breakfast, are such an a-peeling choice.
Eggs are going up again.
That'll surprise a few chickens.
I found a sour strawberry today. It was berry bad.
It is really rare to find the most perfectly cooked steak.
You really ate dog meat? How was it?
.... ruff
Did you hear about the elusive skating watermelon thief? Not really, the only description they got was a Caucasian melon wheels.
Why do wookies love chocolate chip cookies? Because they are chewy.
What do you get when you spill soup on a comic book? Souperman.
What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog.
How did the roommate who stole the last avocado from the fruit bowl justify her thievery?
“I know it’s wrong, but it feels so ripe!”
Knock Knock.
Who’s there? Donut. Donut who? Donut ask, it’s a secret!
Fake ramen noodles are also called the impasta.
What do you call an overly cautious cup of tea?
Uncertaintea.
What happened to the pig who liked pineapple? He turned into a porky-pine!
The peach started acting all funny because it was really fuzzy.
What do you get when you spice up date night? Netflix and Chilis.
What do you call a baby lion on lettuce?
Cub Salad.
What did man say to the guacamole?
Avocado crush on you.
What do you call two watermelons that are not allowed to get married? A couple of can’t- elopes.
Talking at the local chocolate factory is frowned on. When I’m there, I need to wispa.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
What do pigs drive? Pigup trucks.
Pizza: the only time top-less isn't fun
What sport are eggs best at?
Running.
What kind of evidence can a donut not take to trial?
Anecdoughtal evidence.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
If you want day-old soup, then come back here tomorrow!
What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish? A crab apple !
If Jim has 15 watermelons and throws one at Mary, what does Mary have?
“A really bad headache!”
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
What do you tell your friend after she breaks up with a cheese lover?
You’re cheddar off without him!
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
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