What do you call a cow that has 2 legs? Side of beef
The only fruit that makes me feel fuzzy and warm is a peach.
I went to my fridge to get some lettuce for my salad
But there was none Romaine-ing.
Me: I think I'll take a dip in the pool.
Lifeguard: What ya got there?
Me: Hummus.
Why do cherry trees smell?
Because George Washington cut one.
The strawberry went out with the grape only because he couldn't find a date.
What happens to Germans when they eat too many lemons?
They become sour krauts.
What did the waitress say to the customer who wanted free guacamole?
“You can kiss my Hass.“
What do chemists make guacamole out of?
Avogadros.
What did the banana do when he saw a monkey? The banana split!
Went to the doctor because I got a strawberry stuck in my ear
He gave me some cream for it
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
What does a loaf of bread say when breaking up with his girlfriend?
You deserve butter.
Why is the corn army so dysfunctional?
Cause there are too many Kernels.
The kindergarten kids were taught the alphabet and peach sounds at school.
My car smelled like bacon when I got home.
My porking brake was on.
My favorite fruit is the pear.
Because if you have two and you eat one, you still have a pear left.
I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer?
Because his wife told him to ice it!
What did the worm want to do when he grew up? He wanted to join the Apple Core (Corps).
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
What do cloves use for money? Garlic "Bread."
The daddy strawberry got the job to perform at the circus because he was a berry straw-ng man.
I saw a sign earlier that said, "Free Range Eggs."
I've never heard of Range Eggs before but at least they were free so I took some.
What happens when you rub two oranges together?
You get Pulp Friction.
What did the cheese call himself after he got dumped?
Forever provolone.
When you push a strawberry down a hill, you make a strawberry turnover.
Did you hear the little loaves playing hide-and-seek earlier? They kept yelling, “Bready or not, here I come!”
When an unripe strawberry saw the ripe strawberry, it went green with envy.
What do you call a potato that’s reluctant to jump into boiling water? A hesi-tater.
Why can't you tease egg whites?
Because they can't take a yolk.
How did the roommate who stole the last avocado from the fruit bowl justify her thievery?
“I know it’s wrong, but it feels so ripe!”
What do citrus fruits use to get dates?
Pickup limes.
“I only like lemons,”
Said Michael zestfully.
What's the manliest fruit to eat?
Mango.
Soft fruit is not always the best at doing research. They aren’t very thorough; they tend to cherry pick information.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
What did mamma orange say to little orange after he spilled his milk? It’s no big peel!
What is a butcher’s favorite Elvis Presley song? Love Meat Tenders.
In a romantic date, Romeo says to Juliette “Baby! You are the pineapple of my eyes!”
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
What did the pastry chef say to his unsupportive father?
“Donut hole me back.”
Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods?
Because they're in-bred.
Soup is only musical when it is piping hot.
Apples are red. Grapes are blue. Pineapples are sweet. And so are you.
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
Why don't the Maple Leafs drink tea? Because the Canadiens and Red Wings have all the cups.
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
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