Why do Communists only drink herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft.
What’s the best view you can get in our galaxy? A view of the milky way from mars.
They fired the loaf of bread from her job. They say that she kept breaking down and would rye on the job.
I never count my chickens before they're hatched.
Because they're eggs.
Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
This special peach school is for those Peach kids who are suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
What do you call the king of vegetables? Elvis Parsley.
Wino Woe: Forgive me, for I have zinned!
“I can’t breathe” One potato said to the other. “What happened? ” The other said. The potato replied “I
feel I dropped my nose somewhere”
What is a corn's favorite song?
Corn fields forever.
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
What do you call a Boston creme donut that’s a straight-A student?
The creme of the crop.
A strawberry screamed at the other, "Were it not that ripe, we wouldn't have ended up in this jam."
I love the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies They smell just like burned toast
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
"Everything happens for a riesling, right?"
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
A fruit was madly in love, it was peachy–keen.
Why did the banana go to the hairdressers? Because it had split ends!
What do you call someone who steals from the keebler elves? A crook-ie
Whats green and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog's finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
What did the cheese say to the other cheese? I smell something swiss-picious!
What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything.
I really like corn, but I can't find it because this time of year it's never in stalk
I thought of a new joke that started in a corn field.
But I'm not going to post it bc it's too corny.
Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice
The bread did not believe that he could work at his job much longer. He was feeling too crusty.
As a butcher, let me advise you never to back up into the meat grinder. It will make you get a little behind in your work.
Sometimes a pea starts acting like a diva. We call them a pea-Madonna.
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.The Peach President lost the presidential race because he got im-peached.
What's slimy cold long and smells like pork? Kermit the frogs finger!
Why do Jack-o-lanterns have silly smiles on their faces? You'd have a silly smile, too, if you had just had all your brains scooped out!
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
What's the difference between a pickle and a psychiatrist?
If you don't know, you ought to stop talking to your pickle!
Did you hear about the CEO that got fired at the dairy farm? He was skimming a little bit off the top.
The baby strawberries were berry upset when they heard that both their parents were in the jam.
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
It's my first day on the fishing boat and everyone keeps asking if I've found my sea legs.
I'm not falling for it though. I know for a fact that seals don't lay eggs.
What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?
Strawberries.
I had lunch once with a chess player at a restaurant with checked tablecloths. It took him 3 hours to pass me the salt.
What should you drink before you workout? Sweat-Tea.
The daddy strawberry got the job to perform at the circus because he was a berry straw-ng man.
What's a vampire's most favorite fruit? It must be a neck-tarine peach.
An owner of a pizza shop has just been found dead covered with pineapple, ham, mushrooms, and pepperoni. Word is that he topped himself.
During World War 2, sending food to the troops was a challenge. Researchers had to concentrate to figure out how to send orange juice.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
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