I love meat. I think going vegetarian would be a big missed steak.
What did the duck eat for lunch? Soup and Quackers.
If we played hot potato I’d lose, because I’d never let you go.
Did you hear about the lowest grade of steak? It's where the rubber meats the road.
“Waiter, will my pizza be long?”
“No sir, it will be round!”
Why did the donut go to the dentist? It needed a filling!"
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?
Because it was marble cake!
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
Q: How do two cherries make up after an argument?
A: They cherry the hatchet.
What's an egg's favorite tree?
A y-oak tree.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
I lost 90 pounds in 30 days on the juice diet
Every day I bought one juice for 3 pounds.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer?
Because his wife told him to ice it!
Why was red in awe of orange?
“Because orange blue green.”
I allow myself only one donut per year.
This morning I had 433 B.C., 1731, and 1952.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
Did you hear about the guy who opened up a store where they only sell Swiss cheese?
It’s a hole business strategy.
What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
What do fruit wear when they go swimming? A one-peach bathing suit.
When strawberries, blueberries or blackberries meet another berry they like and want to get married who do they go see?
The marionberry
What do a pregnancy test and hummus have in common?
They both require a chickpea.
I got arrested for the way I eat corn.
They charged me with a salt and buttery.
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
What is the best way to cook alligator meat? With a croc pot!
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
I yam rooting for you my sweet potato and I won't mash your heart
What is a cannibal's favourite cheese? Limburger
What do you call who has been electrocuted? You call it anion.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
What do you get when you cross Ice, chocolate, a big strawberry, a giant pineapple, and cold milk? The worlds best Sundae!
How can we tell the difference between a can of beef soup and a can of pork soup? Just read the labels.
What do you call a person who spends a lot of time sitting and staring at potatoes? A medi-tator.
Broccoli: I look like a tree. Walnut: I look like a brain. Mushroom: I look like an umbrella. Banan Can we change the topic?
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
What do you call two watermelons that are not allowed to get married? A couple of can’t- elopes.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
What’s that green head of something that is the main part of a salad?
Lettuce think about it.
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
What do you call someone who chokes on their tea?
A cough-y drinker.
“How was your day? ” “It was tater-ible”
What did the man say after his boss threw cheese, milk, and creamer in his face? How dairy!
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