“How was your day? ” “It was a total disas-tater”
Interesting fact: A nectarine can also be a peach if it does not have peach fuzz.
Is an argument between two vegans, still called a beef?
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
Q: Did you hear about the cherry that liked to explode?
A: It was da’ bomb.
What do you get when you cross a human and a pear?
A pear-son.
I’m a wrapper, so I get a lot of dough. A bread wrapper, that is.
Wine Lovers Rhyme: A friend of wine is a friend of mine!
No one laughed at my milk jokes. They said they were too cheesy.
If you bake an oatmeal raisin cookie at a temperature of 666 degrees, what do you call it? Raisin hell!
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
Did you hear about the man who used to be addicted to eating raw meat? Don't worry, he's cured now!
What group of cheese has been known to fly? Curds of prey!
Why did the teapot get in trouble? Because he was Naught-Tea.
How do you know you in "love" with spicy food? After getting to third basil.
I told my kids that ketchup can go on anything.
You know, It’s the least condiment denominator.
What did the pastry chef say when a banana cream pie he made completely satisfies a tyrannical ruler?
It hit despot.
What did the two onions who were lovers say to each other before being separated? "Our love will forever go-nion on!"
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
How many atoms are in guacamole?
Avocados number.
Was your guacamole salad good?
Yes, it was avocado this world.
John, you have so much po(tato)tential!
Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." Doctor: Next time, take off the candles.
The IT peach-guy is an expert in the field of peach synthesis.
What do you call fake oranges?
“Pulp Fiction”
Why should you bake bacon on an asteroid on its way to Earth ?
It's meteor.
What do sophisticated fish drink? Salt-Tea.
My wife came home angry from the gynecologist after he told her she had to stop using lemon douche
She's been such a sour puss about it.
What is a Malaysian chocolate factory called?
Oompa Lumpur
You might be startled to see a hamburger working out in your local gym. Don’t worry, they’re just there because they want better buns.
just witnessed a chicken try to pick up a piece of corn for 5 minutes,
ImPeck-able.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
What do prison tennis matches and strawberry jam have in common?
Cons-serve
The baby strawberries were berry upset when they heard that both their parents were in the jam.
Why are cherries unassuming? Because they often get made into humble pie.
What did the street cheese say after he got attacked by several blades? I've felt grater.
Did you hear about the scientist that studied nectarines? He won the Nobel Peach Prize.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
What do you call a group of cows that are on top of a hill? High steaks.
What do bandages like to put on their salad?
A wound dressing.
Why shouldn't you buy illegal seasonings? It's always a shady dill.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
Mandy: Our teacher went on a special banana diet. Andy: Did she lose weight? Mandy: No, but she sure could climb trees well!
How do you know the French Onion is Canadian?
Because the oignon est!
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
What type of bar is kid friendly?
A chocolate bar.
I've just invented a new Canadian beer
It's a form of I.P.Eh
What is the most affordable type of meat? Deer, it is always under a buck a pound.
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym?
Hard core.
Go to BabaMail
