Which type of wine only comes in a box?
Carbordeaux.
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
How does a hen leave its house?
Through the eggs-it.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
If Megan Fox is a cake, then what is Amanda Bynes? A fruitcake.
What did the pickle say when he was told he was going in to a salad?
I relish the thought.
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
Why did the banana go out with the prune? Because he couldn't find a date.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
I am a huge fan of local cuisine, and cooking is my soup-er power!
What did the oranges do after concluding the meeting?
They peeled the deal.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
What happened to the men who lost their lettuce?
I don't know, but apparently they lost their heads.
"Love the wine you're with."
Mom: Did you watch the movie with the little pumpkins?
Dad: I stopped it early because it was too gourdy for me.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
Eating no meat except fish is really bothersome.
I should stop being a Pesky-tarian.
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
My wife just started an all-fruit diet.
There was enough food to make a mango crazy.
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
What did the corn farmer give to his therapist?
An ear full.
I stopped for lunch at a German restaurant, but unfortunately got food poisoning. It really was the wurst.
Why don't bananas snore?
Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
I think therefore I yam.
I squeezed a lemon on my wife's lap two hours ago...
She's been a sourpuss about it ever since.
What is the easiest way to make a banana split? Cut it in half.
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
What is the best way to cook alligator meat? With a croc pot!
This year for Valentine's day I got my wife the ace of hearts and packets of corn flour, rice flour and self raising flour
She wasn't happy. Apparently it wasn't what she meant when she said she just wanted a card and flowers.
How do you fix a broken pizza?
With tomato paste.
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.The Peach President lost the presidential race because he got im-peached.
Did you hear about the sign on the bakery that got everyone talking? It said “I knead dough to live.”
Are avocados good for your heart?
Yes, they make for great avo-cardio.
What do you call bacon with salt on it?
Salt and Peppa.
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
When the mama peach found out that his child had failed his class, she was s-peach-less.
What is a basketball players favorite kind of cheese? Swish cheese!
The soup chef changed the design of his menu. He said his new favorite font is Times New Ramen.
I don’t wanna taco ‘bout it
The baby strawberries were berry upset when they heard that both their parents were in the jam.
What’s the best thing to put in a donut?
Your teeth.
How busy was the donuts day? It was jam packed!
Did you hear about the cheese lover who took his girlfriend for granted?
How dairy.
My wife made gluten free, carb free, salt free spaghetti last night
It was not real food, it was an impasta.
Did you hear about the pick-up artist who only ever wears green leaves on his head? Yeah, he’s definitely a pineapple smoothie.
They fired the loaf of bread from her job. They say that she kept breaking down and would rye on the job.
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
My wife asked me this morning "Do you want a bacon omelette?"
I said "No, I'd rather fry one."
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
Go to BabaMail
