Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain? He's got no beef.
Sherlock Holmes enters a room carrying a box of lemons
"Where'd you get those?" asks Watson.
"A lemon tree, my dear Watson. A lemon tree."
What do you call a cheese that is an alcoholic? Livarot
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
What's a pickle's favorite book?
To Dill A Mockingbird.
What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up? It blossoms.
What kind of cake do you get at a cafeteria?
A stomach-cake!
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
What did the waitress say to the customer who wanted free guacamole?
“You can kiss my Hass.“
An inspirational speaker came to speak at the fruit stand today. He told us to peach for the stars.
When banana growers are heart broken, what do they sing? What else but Peelings?
What do you call two banana skins?
A pair of slippers.
Be like a pineapple: wear a crown, stand tall, and be always sweet on the inside.
What do French cherry parents say to their little cherries at home? You are mon cherry.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
You should never give milk to someone who is open minded and hasn't yet had breakfast. They're lack-toast and tolerant.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
What do you call who has been electrocuted? You call it anion.
What’s a good way to start a conversation with a cheese plate on Tinder?
“Hello. Is it brie you’re looking for?”
What do you call a pastry that is a priest? A Holy Donut!
What happens when you go on an all-cheese diet?
You cheddar few pounds.
What do you call a serial killer watermelon? A slaughter melon.
If Jim has 15 watermelons and throws one at Mary, what does Mary have?
“A really bad headache!”
Why will the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch!
When my friend Frank died, his body was cremated and his ashes were placed in a decorative German beer tankard.
Now he's Frank in stein.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
When potato chips don’t sell fast enough, the maker knows it will soon be crunch time.
What do you call a healthy dinosaur? Tea-Rex.
The fruit teacher taught figures of peach in today's class.
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
How sweet is only for girls?
Her-shey’s kisses.
What did the banker want from the baker?
To pump her nickels.
I was caught smuggling a taco into the new star wars movie...
...they now call me Rogue Juan
When strawberries, blueberries or blackberries meet another berry they like and want to get married who do they go see?
The marionberry
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter? Pi a'la mode.
"Giving you more reasons to wine."
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
Did you hear about the pick-up artist who only ever wears green leaves on his head? Yeah, he’s definitely a pineapple smoothie.
What do you do if you see a blue banana? Try to cheer it up.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over? Doughnuts!
Why are some cake jokes not as good as the others?
They tend to grow mold.
I’m a wrapper, so I get a lot of dough. A bread wrapper, that is.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
How did the egg get up the hill?
It scrambled up.
The fruit stutters because it suffers from a peach impediment.
Why does the Pope love Swiss cheese so much?
It’s hole-y.
What’s an orange’s favourite animal? An orange-utan.
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