What was the cheese’s strategy when it ran for president?
Make America grate again.
What do you get when you cross a pickle with an alligator?
A crocodill.
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
Wife told me to grow a pear.
I did. It tasted delicious.
The baker just felt this incredible knead to make bread. That’s certainly the truth.
What do you call a sweet onion? Caramelized!
How should you live your life? By seasoning the moment.
If Jim has 15 watermelons and throws one at Mary, what does Mary have?
“A really bad headache!”
What covers the floor of the motzarella forest?
Cheese sticks.
What kind of eggs does a confused chicken lay?
Scrambled eggs.
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
How do little avocados get what they want?
They spread it on thick.
What is a vampire who loves eating strawberry jam called? A jampire.
What do you get when you cross a human and a pear?
A pear-son.
What happens when you rub two oranges together?
You get Pulp Friction.
What do you see at a funeral for a piece of fruit? Apple-bearer.
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
I tried to change my email password to “beef stew” the other day. It was refused because it was not stroganoff.
Pumpkin Spice season is finally here, better latte than never.
Mandy: Our teacher went on a special banana diet. Andy: Did she lose weight? Mandy: No, but she sure could climb trees well!
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
My mother says: “Leave that peach cobbler alone on the table!” However, I cannot help myself and sneak in to watch it making beautiful peach shoes.
What fruit loves chocolate?
A cocoa nut.
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
What do you call cheese that is sad? Blue cheese.
Why doesn't cheddar like to party with crackers? Someone always cuts the cheese.
What is a cheese’s favorite kind of philosophy?
Epistemology and fetaphysics.
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
Whats green and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog's finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
Someone told me I looked like a salt shaker. I took it as a condiment.
“My favorite color is tangerine- isn’t that orange-inal?”
Why did the cookie monster rob the keebler elves? Because they had a lot of dough.
Who wrote the book "Great Egg-spectations"?
Charles Chickens.
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
I recently went to a soft fruit party, where all the food was berry based. It was cherrific.
The soup was too spicy to be had by us. It was the borscht soup I had ever had.
That wide loaf has a decent bread-th. Nice.
What do you get when you cross a smurf and a cow?
Blue cheese.
So yesterday I saw a bottle of ketchup steal a bottle of mustard
'Twas saucepicious
Why did the butchers meating end soon? Because one of them started beef.
In the middle of the night yesterday, I dreamt that I was swimming in a sea of oranges only to wake up and realize that it was just a Fanta-sea.
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? De-brie went everywhere!
Why does a little cherry always look up to its parents? It tries to follow in their fruitsteps.
How does the recipe for German chocolate cake begin? First, invade ze kitchen.
I fed my wife some ground chick peas and she choked to death
The police are treating it as a hummuside.
"Everything happens for a riesling, right?"
Why did the hare go to the taco truck?
He couldn't beat the tortas.
How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it?
By dropping it seven feet. It won’t break for the first six.
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