How do astronauts eat their ice cream? In floats!
I saw a pun on chocolate bars but it wasn’t that fun
So I just snickered.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commentater!
What do you call a very tall cherry blossom tree in Italy? The leaning flower of Pisa.
Saw a great offer on cheese in Tesco today!
It was buy one get one brie.
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
I asked my nectarine friend how she was doing after her break up and she said 'It's the pits, man.'
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
Which tool does a peach biologist often use for its experiment? – A peachtree dish (Petri dish).
What do you call people avoiding healthy fats?
Avocadonts.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
The only type of cookies a cookie monster loves to eat during Halloween is Ghoul Scout Cookies.
What do you call a talkative drink? Chai Tea.
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
What is a cow's favorite lunch meat? Bullogna
Why are hot dogs angry? Because they are always getting roasted.
Time fries when you’re having fun!
They're not going to grow bananas any longer.
Apparently, they're long enough already.
What did the worm want to do when he grew up? He wanted to join the Apple Core (Corps).
Taco Bell overcooked my food
I asked for a brrrr-ito and an en-chill-ata.
He is the best chef in the city. His soups take my broth away.
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
What do we get when we cross a pineapple and a pig? We have a porky – pine!
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
My business that sells strawberry juice has gone into liquidation
It’s common for people with heartbreaks to crumble.
Soft fruits make really supportive parents. Whenever their youngsters fail at something, they just smile and say “Have another bite at the cherry.”
What do you call a lazy spud? A couch potato.
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen Pregnant? He forgot to wrap his whopper!
I went to my fridge to get some lettuce for my salad
But there was none Romaine-ing.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
Having pineapple on a pizza is quite like going down on a cousin: It might taste good, but something is not right.
Why don't anarchists drink green tea?
Because it helps fight free radicals.
Nearly got knocked off of my bike by a council salt lorry.
You idiot, I shouted. Through gritted teeth.
What is a cannibal’s favorite cheese?
Limb-burger.
Why did the lettuce stop dating the mushroom?
He though she was a pretty fungal, but didn't have mushroom on its schedule.
During the summer break, I enrolled myself in a peach coding course.
Why did the farmer hang raincoats all over his orchard? Someone told him he should get an apple Mac
What do you calla watermelon that just won’t stop committing crimes? A watefelon.
What does a cheese lover say when someone keeps messing around with them?
“You gouda brie kidding!”
Did you hear about the little people starting a beer making operation?
It's a micro brewery.
What did mamma orange say to little orange after he spilled his milk? It’s no big peel!
If you search for pictures of corn on Google you'll only get stalk pictures.
What did the cherry say when it was given a bunch of flowers? You are cherry sweet.
Why did the orange get pulled over while driving?
He kept peeling out.
Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.
One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.
“What are you doing?” I asked him.
“Preparing.”
Donut even think about taking another donut!
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?
When it’s been sliced.
hat did the pizza slicer say when he wanted to rob the pizza?
“Hand over the dough or I’ll cut you!”
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