"What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?" "I want you inside me!"
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
I steal my eggs from my next door neighbor.
I prefer them poached.
Did you hear about the cheese failed to medal at the olympics? It fell at the final curdle
I wasn’t sure if I ordered enough tacos from Taco Bell.
So I got a just in quesadilla.
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
What is the chemical formula of the molecules in sweets? Carbon-holmium-cobalt-lanthanum-tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
The pie-maker couldn't eat any more strawberries because she was already stuffed.
What do you call a fruit that is rough around the edges? A bad apple.
Did you know that if you poured salt on a cat's tail it will fall off?
It's true! And if you pour pepper on a cat's tail, the pepper will also fall off.
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
I just watched someone try to steal a pumpkin from a bull.
He got gourd.
If your team loses the Souper Bowl, then be prepared for a lot of boouillons from your fans.
What does a pizza wear to smell good?
Calzogne.
Did you hear about the salad race the other day?
The Lettuce was ahead, but the Tomato was ketchoping up...
Nowadays oranges have decided to go out with prune. The reason is that it is becoming so hard to find a date.
How do hot dogs greet each other? They say “give me some skin!”
What happened when the orange broke out of prison?
All heck broke juice.
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
I got my paycheck with a lemon slice on it today...
turned out my ex-wife was garnishing my wages.
There are two types of people in this world: People who love chocolate and liars. A study says that chocolate may lower your chances of a stroke. That is, a swimming stroke, a golf stroke, a tennis stroke.
Did you know that Beethoven's favorite fruit
Ba Na Na Naaa...Ba Na Na Naaa...
What do you call meat balls falling from the sky? A meat-ior shower.
What are ice cream cones like as parents?
They’re big softies.
What do you call bananas that don't stick up for themselves? A bunch of pansies.
What is a potato’s favorite baseball team? The New York Yamkees
Q: What’s red and goes up and down, up and down?
A: A cherry in a lift.
Which type of wine only comes in a box?
Carbordeaux.
When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
How did the cheese professor start class every day?
Oh queso…
What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
Nut cookies are the best gifts for nutty friends.
Why do you always bring a bag of chips to a party? In queso emergency.
It was the pie piper who had led the strawberries to the bakery.
I am a peach, and when my husband accompanies me, we are a pear.
How do you know that beer makes you smarter?
Because it made bud wiser.
What do citrus fruits use to get dates?
Pickup limes.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
The peach couple from school is totally in love. They seem so perfect for peach other.
When do franks tell insults? At a wienie roast!
How do you describe an onion which is in its early stages after birth? You say it is in its onion-ic period of its life.
What did the cornfield say when it heard rain coming?
That’s music to my ears!
In the last peach race, I put $30 peach way on two new racers.
Cows don’t make very good cops. They refuse to go on steak outs.
What did one slice of bread say to the other before the race?
You’re toast!
American cherries generally do pretty well at high school. Many of them end up on the cherryleading squad.
Where did Vegans come from?
Hummus Sapiens