My brother gave me whole milk, but I can only have nut milk with my cereal. How dairy!
What are strange donuts made out of?
Weird-doughs.
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a 🍲. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
If you want to ask someone to borrow their peas, you have to say pea-lease.
What does a real cheese freak say when they come to your door?
“I’d like to talk to you about Cheesus.”
I earned money by selling broth. Now I am a bouillonaire.
At a get-together, one fruit asked another "I was wondering how have you been". The other replied "Just peachy, isn't that grape?"
What kind of cheese do rodents like? Mousearella.
Q: What is a peach’s favorite book?
A: War and Peach
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
How does a hen leave its house?
Through the eggs-it.
What kind of apple isn't an apple? A pineapple. What did the apple say to the apple pie? "You've got some crust."
What do you get when you throw lettuce into the ocean?
I don't know lettuce sea.
What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag
A tea bag stays longer in the cup.
Did you hear about the cheese shop that was destroyed by a tornado?
All that’s left is da brie.
Back in the early 2010s, the peach children loved to flock around to listen to Peach Pit.
What did the street cheese say after he got attacked by several blades? I've felt grater.
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
If you want day-old soup, then come back here tomorrow!
What is red and goes putt, putt, putt? An outboard apple.
Why did the orange get insurance?
Zest in case.
Why do ice cream cones make such good journalists?
They always get a scoop.
Why did the baker quit making donuts?
Because he was fed up with the hole business!
Why does bread looks so bad in photographs?
It’s just too grainy.
Why do winos love cheap wine puns?
Because wine snobs hate them!
National Herbs and Spices Day is celebrated annually on June 10.
"Everything happens for a riesling, right?"
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
What happened to the pig who liked pineapple? He turned into a porky-pine!
What can you only drink in the Middle East? Dust-Tea.
Why will the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch!
My favorite fruit is the pear.
Because if you have two and you eat one, you still have a pear left.
Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
Do you know what the common thing between a pineapple and a king is? Both of them wear a crown proudly on their top.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
Why did the lemon like the orange? He’s not from concentrate.
What was the watermelon’s naughty pick-up line?
“Want to see my melons?”
When you find a blue strawberry, try to cheer it up.
What do bread kids say during hide-and-seek?
Bready or not, here I crumb!
Where does a potato go to college? DeFry
What’s a potatoes favorite horror movie? The Silence of the Yams.
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
What are pig criminals known for? Pigpockets.
I think I drank some expired milk. I just have a gut feeling.
What does a man consider a seven-course meal? A hot dog and a six pack of beer.
A strawberry usually gets stuck often when it gets jammed.
The peach sports organization rended a commercial peach for a game of peach ball.
Whenever I give my daughter cherries, she stuffs them in the chair
Now we call them chairries
Hello my name is lettuce, and I was going to the grocery store...
Ah, I’m getting ahead of myself
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