How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
I'm the pun King of Halloween.
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
This might sound corny, but I think you’re a-maize-ing.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes?
To make them light and fluffy.
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
"Thanks a brunch for the meal!", said the punny man when he sat to eat.
A never-ending natural supply of beer?
Hops springs eternal.
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
What did the boss say to his pizza during their meeting?
There’s mushroom for improvement.
Wine Lovers Rhyme: A friend of wine is a friend of mine!
My doctor tells me I've got a bacon addiction.
Thankfully he thinks I can be cured.
Why did the daddy peach teach the child peach to shave? He was starting to grow peach fuzz.
What does a birthday cake and a baseball team have in common?
They both need good batters.
My brother gave me whole milk, but I can only have nut milk with my cereal. How dairy!
What do you call fake oranges?
“Pulp Fiction”
What kind of birthday cake do they serve in heaven?
Angel food cake.
Why doesn't Daniel Tosh eat Hot Dogs? He can't find the zipper
What kind of ice cream to electricians eat?
Shock a lot.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
Fish taco says why don't you want to taco about it And the nacho says cause I'm nacho friend.
What do you get when you cross a goblin and cheese? Muenster cheese.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
What do you call a serial killer watermelon? A slaughter melon.
How many French eggs do you need?
One egg is un oeuf.
Why does the cookie monster fear the gingerbread man? Because he’s one tough cookie.
What are the four seasons?
Salt, Pepper, Sugar and Flour.
Why did the donut go to the dentist? It needed a filling!"
What rhymes with orange?
No, it doesn’t.
Not only did I have a good time at Taco Bell
I had a Baja Blast
What’s the best thing you can put in a halloween cookie? Your teeth.
What do you call a watermelon that spends all day at the beauty spa? Must be a hottermmelon.
How did the Iceland repel the bananas attack? By freezing them
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
A candy baa.
Apples are red. Grapes are blue. Pineapples are sweet. And so are you.
Did you hear about the frozen dessert whose wife had a baby?
Now he’s a popsicle.
Who wrote the book "Great Egg-spectations"?
Charles Chickens.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
Why is cherry pie so legendary? Because it is history in the baking.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
What kind of eggs does a confused chicken lay?
Scrambled eggs.
Which Star Wars character was the orange cast for?
Emperor Pulpatine.
Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
Do librarians like white wine?
No, they like theirs well red!
What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.
Join us and let’s make pizza cheese grate again.
What kind of socks do you need to plant cayenne pepper? Garden hose!
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
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