What did the waitress say to the customer who wanted free guacamole?
“You can kiss my Hass.“
What do fruits do when they are avoiding a problem? They cherry their heads in the sand.
What are the four seasons?
Salt, Pepper, Sugar and Flour.
Have you ever wondered if illiterate people would get the full effects of alphabet soup?
What do you call an oriental cheese? Parm-asian
What do you call a pumpkin that can slam dunk a basketball?
Michael Gourdan.
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
Cows love music. In fact, they even have a favourite note: beef flat.
What happened when the orange broke out of prison?
All heck broke juice.
What can a whole orange do that half an orange can never do?
“Look round!”
What's a pickle's life philosophy?
Never a dill moment.
My dog is sad after eating her favorite fruit and getting wet from the juice.
She's a watered melancholy watermelon collie.
What’s the healthiest part of a donut?
The middle.
I lost my grip, and my beer shattered on the floor.
This Corona outbreak is really getting out of hand.
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate?
A Kitty Kat bar.
Why shouldn’t you take corn on an airplane?
Your ears will pop!
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
A lorry load of pears has crashed on the motorway. It’s caused a huge jam.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.
My wife's been on a banana diet.
She hasn't lost any weight, but you should see her climb trees now!
A strawberry usually gets stuck often when it gets jammed.
This Halloween I'm gourd out of my mind!
What group of cheese has been known to fly? Curds of prey!
Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn't get his stilton.
What did the banana say to the monkey? Nothing, bananas can't talk!
What did one cherry say to the other cherry? If you weren't so tasty we wouldn't be in this jam.
How does the Cheese Detective choose his clients?
On a queso by queso basis.
I had a salad pun, but I tossed it
I always tend to forget the french word for strawberry sometimes. But, then I eventually remember the fraise.
Have you heard about the movie that involved haunted dairy items? I believe it is called Paranormal Activia.
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
What do you call a rapper working at Cold Stone? Scoop Dogg.
What does a priest put on his salad?
Lettuce spray.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
My Dad told me why Busch is the only brand of beer he ever drinks.
"It's the only beer that says it's name when you open it."
How do eggs get around?
On a s-egg-way.
I saw a fruit running from the police recently
It was a water felon.
I stopped for lunch at a German restaurant, but unfortunately got food poisoning. It really was the wurst.
What is the national fruit of Afghanistan?
Talibanana.
Apparently there's a fruit that is naturally radioactive.
I think that's bananas!
Q: Why did the fruit finish her homework so quickly?
A: Because the homework was a peach of cake.
What is red and goes putt, putt, putt? An outboard apple.
All the contestants at the pig Olympics were very happy with their prizes. They each won pork medallions.
Why shouldn’t you go into business with a watermelon?
“They’re seedy.”
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
What do you call a cheese that is an alcoholic? Livarot
Q: Who is Peach’s favorite actor?
A: Brad Pit.
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