Did you hear about the scientist that studied nectarines? He won the Nobel Peach Prize.
What did the banana say to the monkey? Nothing, bananas can't talk!
What kind of pizza do you order on Christmas?
Cheeses Crust.
What kind of keys does a kid skeleton use on Halloween? Cook-keys.
My father loves eating reams of soup. That is the reason why I think he should be nominated to the Soup – ream – court!
It is a bad film because good ones tend to have created atop day-old soup.
Shucking takes lots of corn-centration.
Today, I am eating a bun filled with pineapple and ham for my dinner. That is Hawaii roll.
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
What’s the only fruit that never gets lonely?
A pear.
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye
What did the egg do when it saw the frying pan?
It scrambled.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
When I went to the shop to buy some strawberries, they didn't have any. It was such a fruitless trip.
If tomatoes are a fruit
Then ketchup is a smoothie.
What do you call a piece of cheese that likes to shoot hoops? Swiss!
How does Reese eat her ice cream?
Witherspoon.
What were the cheese’s wedding vows?
To havarti and to hold.
When it comes to seasonal drinks, more and more are converting to the church of pumpkin spice,
but I choose to remain eggnogstic.
What is a terrorist's preferred kind of wine?
White Infidel.
What’s a balanced diet like?
A slice of cake in each hand!
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
What did the man say after his boss threw cheese, milk, and creamer in his face? How dairy!
What kind of tea do babies drink? Tit Tea.
Love is also like a pineapple: They both are undefinable and sweet.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
A packing plant received a load of lettuce to process. The workers grabbed the boxes quickly from the top and the bottoms fell out spilling the produce.
The boss yells, grab the boxes by the bottom, or heads are going to roll!
Why are bananas never lonely?
Because they hang around in bunches.
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
What happened when an orange, an apple, and a banana all went on a picnic together?
They had a “fruit-ful” day.
I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts I won’t lie, it was a Rocky Road.
What's black, white, orange, and waddles? A penguin carrying a Jack-o-lantern.
How do you know it’s cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get
chocolate ice cream.
What's the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg? Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose.
What do you call leftover lettuce?
The romaines.
Why did Eve want to leave the garden of Eden and move to New York ? She fell for the Big Apple !
What do you feed the son of god? Cheeses of Nazareth.
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
Why did the fruit bat eat the orange?
“Because it had appeal.”
How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
Why did the orange go to the doctor?
“It wasn’t peeling well.”
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? De-brie went everywhere!
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
What do people with ambition drink? Loft-Tea.
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
What drives cheese crazy?
That everyone around them is crackers.
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