What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
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