Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.