How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
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