The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
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