What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
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