How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
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