What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
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