How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.