What did the blind man say after being handed a cheese grater? "That's the most violent book I've ever read."
What does a cheese say when you ask him to share a secret?
He cantal.
Did you hear about the cheese lover who took his girlfriend for granted?
How dairy.
What do you call cheese that is sad? Blue cheese.
Why does cheese look normal? Because everyone else on the plate is crackers.
What do you tell your friend after she breaks up with a cheese lover?
You’re cheddar off without him!
Why should you always bring a bag of tortilla chips to a party?
In queso emergency.
Do you want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind it's too cheesy.
Did you hear about the guy who forgot to use the colander when making mac and cheese?
His wife gave him a restraining order.
What does a real cheese freak say when they come to your door?
“I’d like to talk to you about Cheesus.”
What kind of cheese protects a castle?
Moat-zarella.
Why doesn't cheddar like to party with crackers? Someone always cuts the cheese.
Who were the first cheese lovers ever?
Edam and Eve.
What do you call it when a cheese goes #2?
Fondue-due.
What is a cheese’s favorite kind of philosophy?
Epistemology and fetaphysics.
What do you feed the son of god? Cheeses of Nazareth.
Saw a great offer on cheese in Tesco today!
It was buy one get one brie.
Why did the wheel act so bossy? Cause he was the "Big Cheese."
What do they say when you leave the cheese store?
Have a gouda day!
Which is the Richest Cheese in the world? Paris Stilton.
Did you hear about the cheese failed to medal at the olympics? It fell at the final curdle
What wisdom did the daddy cheese pass down to his son?
A curd in the hand is worth two in the bush.
What did one cheese say to the other during philosophy class?
“I dis a brie.”
What is the name of the country near Iraq that is made entirely of cheese? Curd-istan
Did you hear what happened when the decorator painted his wife with cheese? He double Gloucester!
How do you know it’s getting kind of serious with a cheese lover?
They tell you they are pretty fondue you.
What do you call cheese that is acting crazy? A basket queso.
Why did the cheese lover hide cheese in the back of his fridge?
In queso emergency.
What do you call an oriental cheese? Parm-asian
What do you call a cheese that is an alcoholic? Livarot
What is a lion’s favorite cheese?
Roarquefort.
What cheese should you use to hide a horse? Mascarpone.
What do cheese makers dance to on halloween? The muenster mash!
What do you get when you cross a goblin and cheese? Muenster cheese.
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort
What kind of cheese do rodents like? Mousearella.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite musician?
Mozart-arella.
What drives cheese crazy?
That everyone around them is crackers.
What’s a good way to start a conversation with a cheese plate on Tinder?
“Hello. Is it brie you’re looking for?”
What does a cheese say when they look in the mirror in the morning?
Halloumi.
What cheese do beavers like? eDam
What does a cheese like to drink after a long day?
Morbier.
What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory? All that was left was de brie.
When shouldn't you believe a word your cheese is saying? When it's too Gouda to be true.
How did the cheese get such curly hair?
It got a permasan.
Did you hear about the cheese shop that was destroyed by a tornado?
All that’s left is da brie.
What did the mom cheese tell the little boy cheese when he got hurt on his bike?
“Gotta take the gouda with the bad.”
What is a cannibal’s favorite cheese?
Limb-burger.
What was the cheese’s strategy when it ran for president?
Make America grate again.
What cheese surrounds a medieval castle? Moatzeralla