Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
He heard it was a Goodyear!
Where do connoisseurs lock up their best bottles?
In a wine cabernet.
"Say you'll be wine."
Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy?
Sauvign-yawn blanc!
How can you tell a wine taster is a newbie?
By the blanc look on her face.
You’re wine in a million.
Some people like beer goggles. I prefer wine glasses.
My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine. I added fruit and orange juice, and now she sangria than ever!
Why was the white wine's off-beat pun so boo-ed?
Because it was too corky.
Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!
"Oh, sweet child of wine."
"Cabernet. More like, caber-yay!"
"Rosé all day."
"It isn't good to keep things bottled up."
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
What kind of wine is aged to purr-fection?
Mos-cat-o!
The problem with collecting wine is that you always end up getting screwed.
"Be kind, re-wine."
Party Host: Would you like to try some mulled wine?
Party Guest: I'll have to think it over...
Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
.
I’m not old. I’m aged to perfection. And full bodied.
Do librarians like white wine?
No, they like theirs well red!
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
"I mead more wine."
"I make pour decisions."
"Sip happens."
"Here for the right riesling."
"Great minds drink alike."
Why have a mer little when you can have a merlot?
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
"Giving you more reasons to wine."
"Everything happens for a riesling, right?"
"Partners in wine."
Like a pro wrestler in a headlock, I’m indulging in a little Sham pain.
Wine if you must. It’s not good to bottle up your emotions.
"Another glass? Wine not?!"
Which type of wine only comes in a box?
Carbordeaux.
"Time to wine down."
Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
The Reds!
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