Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
He heard it was a Goodyear!
Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?
Through the grapevine.
"Be kind, re-wine."
"Sip happens."
"Cabernet. More like, caber-yay!"
My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine. I added fruit and orange juice, and now she sangria than ever!
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
"My day just went from super to sip-erb, real quick."
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
Somehow they knew I wanted champagne. It was chilling.
"I'm not a wino. I'm a wineYES!"
"You can't sip with us."
"I need to re-wine my life."
My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
"Oh, sweet child of wine."
Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
The Reds!
"You're the wine that I want."
"Let's get fizzical. Pass the prosecco."
What kind of wine is aged to purr-fection?
Mos-cat-o!
Some people like beer goggles. I prefer wine glasses.
Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
.
I’m not old. I’m aged to perfection. And full bodied.
"Wine a little, laugh a lot."
Wine Lovers Rhyme: A friend of wine is a friend of mine!
"Alcohol you later."
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
Wino Woe: Forgive me, for I have zinned!
"Partners in wine."
"Adulting makes me wine."
"Hakuna Moscato. It means drink wine."
"I mead more wine."
Party Host: Would you like to try some mulled wine?
Party Guest: I'll have to think it over...
Which type of wine do horses request most often?
Chardon-neigh.
"Here for the right riesling."
Why have less scato when you can have mo’ scato?
Why do winos love cheap wine puns?
Because wine snobs hate them!
Gluten-free, dairy-free, fat-free – I love this new Champagne Diet!
"On cloud wine."
What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy?
Sauvign-yawn blanc!
"You had me at merlot."
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