Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
This foundation is rock salad.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
I hope for world peas.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
What a spud muffin.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
I yam what I yam.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
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