Q: Did you hear about the pea that changed careers?
A: He went into a different field!
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
We're like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It's making me quite unhap-pea.
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
I sat on some peas in the car. It was a bumpea ride.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters?
A: Because they want peas and quiet.
If you're in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
My dad tried to put peas into an orange once. It didn't appeal to me.
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
My mum makes peas for every meal. I'm sick of her reci-peas.
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.