I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
Q: Did you hear about the pea that changed careers?
A: He went into a different field!
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas
What do you call chick peas in a cavern?
Humus Sapiens
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
If you're in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
We're like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It's making me quite unhap-pea.
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
My dad tried to put peas into an orange once. It didn't appeal to me.
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
Q: Why did peas jump out of an airplane?
A: They wanted to be air pods.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
I sat on some peas in the car. It was a bumpea ride.
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
My mum makes peas for every meal. I'm sick of her reci-peas.
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
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