What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
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