Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
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