Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
Go to BabaMail
