Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
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