Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
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