What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
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