What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
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