Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.