The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.