Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
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