What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
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