Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
Did you hear about the CEO that got fired at the dairy farm? He was skimming a little bit off the top.
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
Milk aliens have landed. They said 'take me to your litre'.
Why did no one drink the youngest milk? Its parents spoiled it.
Why do milking stools only have three legs? The cows keep the udder safe.
Where do they make all the decisions on a dairy farm? At the city cow-ncil.
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
What kind of milk do people drink in Mexico? Soy milk.
Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
Why did the crazy man lose his job at the dairy factory? He was a danger to himself and udders.
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
Cashier: Sir, would you like me to put your milk in a bag?
Dad: I would much rather keep it in the carton!
Some people prefer milk after it has churned. I guess they find it butter that way.
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
What do you call a fat kid who likes chocolate milk?
An OvalTeen
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
Why did the cow fall down while being milked? Because the rug was pulled out from udder it.
I'm worried that the milk I got this morning was from a cloned cow. It tasted exactly like the milk I had yesterday.
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
Why could I not imagine to have milk in the afternoon? Because it was beyond my wildest creams.
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
What did the expired milk say after being picked up way past its due date? It was well beyond their wildest creams.
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!