What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
Why did no one drink the youngest milk? Its parents spoiled it.
Cashier: Sir, would you like me to put your milk in a bag?
Dad: I would much rather keep it in the carton!
I tried wild ox milk
Turns out I'm yak-tose intolerant
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
Why do milking stools only have three legs? The cows keep the udder safe.
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
Why is milk taller than you?
Because it's always pasteurize
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
Did you hear about the CEO that got fired at the dairy farm? He was skimming a little bit off the top.
Where do astronauts buy their milk? From the milky way!!!
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
You have two cows, but only milk one. Your friend asks you…
"What about the udder one?"
I think I drank some expired milk. I just have a gut feeling.
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
What did the expired milk say after being picked up way past its due date? It was well beyond their wildest creams.
Some people prefer milk after it has churned. I guess they find it butter that way.
My milk found all these jokes to be pretty fun. He said they were a-moo-sing!
Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
Milk aliens have landed. They said 'take me to your litre'.
What do you call a bee that makes a milk?
Boo-bee
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
Why did the crazy man lose his job at the dairy factory? He was a danger to himself and udders.
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
What did the man say after his boss threw cheese, milk, and creamer in his face? How dairy!
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
What would you call a dairy product that is horrible? “Udder bullshit.”
I'm worried that the milk I got this morning was from a cloned cow. It tasted exactly like the milk I had yesterday.
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
Which cow has great pickup lines? A cow which is smooth as milk.
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.
Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
Why could I not imagine to have milk in the afternoon? Because it was beyond my wildest creams.
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!