The other day I asked an Alaskan guy if he wanted to eat some seal meat.
He wasn’t really inuit
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
Cows love music. In fact, they even have a favourite note: beef flat.
What did the steak say to his enemy? I have a T-bone to pick with you!
What did the skeleton order for lunch? Spare ribs!
You really ate dog meat? How was it?
.... ruff
What is a butcher’s favorite Elvis Presley song? Love Meat Tenders.
Sheep have a clever way of keeping all their four feet warm in the winter; they wear muttons.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
Hot dog, I love a good meat pun.
Our local butcher had to go to the doctor the other day. He didn’t know what was wrong, but said that he was feeling offal.
What’s the best part of a cow? The topside, of course.
Vegans really have a beef with meat.
I met a girl in a vegetarian restaurant who said she recognized me, but I have literally never seen herbivore.
Did you hear about the butcher who got into danger? His life was at steak!
What do you call a pig that practices karate? A pork chop!”
You might be startled to see a hamburger working out in your local gym. Don’t worry, they’re just there because they want better buns.
What’s the best pick up line for someone you meet in a steak restaurant? “Nice to meat you”, of course.”
What cut of meat do you get from an extremely tired butcher?
A filet mid-yawn
Make no bones about it, home made stock is a really good base for soups.
Which is a meat patty's least favourite day of the week? Fry-day!
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
The cow intestine dish was offal, but the pig organ tacos was grocer!
Why are burgers bad at telling jokes? Because they all are cheesy.
Did you hear about the man who used to be addicted to eating raw meat? Don't worry, he's cured now!
Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
Meat cutters are really no good at stand up comedy; they tend to butcher all the best jokes.
Have you heard about the new meat that’s taking the world by storm? It’s a cross between a cow and a chicken. They call it “roost beef”.
The hotdog severely fell behind in school which is why he has to ketchup.
What is a cow's favorite deli meat? Bull-ogna!
What is the most affordable type of meat? Deer, it is always under a buck a pound.
I’m bacon you! Please stop with the meat puns!
How do you defeat a meat-loving vampire? With a steak to the heart!
What do you call a steak hurtling through space? A meat-ior!
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef!
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
What did the hamburger coach tell his team after they lost the first round? “You have to keep frying, you can’t give up”.
My doctor told me to cut down on red meat.
So, could you brown it up a bit?
I’ve been told that I need to stop making puns about meat… But I just can’t stop cold turkey.
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
What a load of bologna.
Pirates used to make a delicious snack for themselves by crossing pate with flowers. They called it “lily livered”.
What became of the pig who got fired from his job? He became canned ham.
What do you call seasoned and dried robot meat?
Beep chirpy
I love meat. I think going vegetarian would be a big missed steak.
What did the steak say when he came across his nemesis? Ah, we meat again!”
My friend was totally addicted to the cold meat section in our local supermarket. It got so bad, they had to quit cold turkey.
Some people have to stop telling meat puns, because they simply butcher every single joke.
Why did the cow and the bull become so close? Because they became beef-friends.
What would you call a steak that leaped off the table and ran away? Fast food, of course.
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