What’s the best thing about being a butcher? You get to meat the best people.
As a butcher, let me advise you never to back up into the meat grinder. It will make you get a little behind in your work.
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
How do you defeat a meat-loving vampire? With a steak to the heart!
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
Why didn't the butcher cross the road? He didn't want to brisket!
Where do cows go to celebrate New Years Eve? To a meat ball!
Did you hear about the man who used to be addicted to eating raw meat? Don't worry, he's cured now!
Lately my wife has been looking at me as if I'm a piece of meat....
And it wouldn't bother me, if she wasn't a vegan.
I met a chicken once; she was desperate to join a band. She even had her own drumsticks.
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye
Which is a meat patty's least favourite day of the week? Fry-day!
I’m bacon you! Please stop with the meat puns!
Why did the FBI surround the president with cows? They were beefing up security!”
Meat cutters are really no good at stand up comedy; they tend to butcher all the best jokes.
What is a cow's favorite deli meat? Bull-ogna!
I invited a turkey over for dinner. He was very late for dinner – when I asked him about it, he said he was busy getting dressed.
Why are burgers bad at telling jokes? Because they all are cheesy.
Hot dog, I love a good meat pun.
What's an astronaut's favorite meat? Launch meat!
Cows love music. In fact, they even have a favourite note: beef flat.
What did the boss pig say to the pig worker for not working fast enough? “chop chop slow pork”.
Why did the butchers meating end soon? Because one of them started beef.
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
What do you call hot dogs in winter? Chilly dogs!
What do you call a steak hurtling through space? A meat-ior!
Vegans really have a beef with meat.
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
What do you call meat balls falling from the sky? A meat-ior shower.
No one likes sausage puns, they are the wurst!
My local restaurant recently lost out on an entire order of the best local beef. No one has herd what happened to it.
I met a girl in a vegetarian restaurant who said she recognized me, but I have literally never seen herbivore.
What is the most affordable type of meat? Deer, it is always under a buck a pound.
What did the skeleton order for lunch? Spare ribs!
What do butchers say after they meet someone new? “Mince to meat you.”
I’ve been told that I need to stop making puns about meat… But I just can’t stop cold turkey.
What do you call a group of butchers coming together? A meating.
My friend was totally addicted to the cold meat section in our local supermarket. It got so bad, they had to quit cold turkey.
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
What type of relationships do hotdogs like to have? A frank relationship, they can’t stand lies.
What do you call seasoned and dried robot meat?
Beep chirpy
What would you call a steak that leaped off the table and ran away? Fast food, of course.
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
Digital burgers are nothing but processed meat.
Some people think anyone who sells meat is gross. But, people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
Pigs, when out in public, have to keep an eye on their valuables as they are vulnerable to pigpockets.
Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
How did the hotdog overcome his fear of ketchup? He mustered up the courage.
You really ate dog meat? How was it?
.... ruff
The other day I asked an Alaskan guy if he wanted to eat some seal meat.
He wasn’t really inuit