What is a ghosts favorite soup? Scream of Broccoli.
Make no bones about it, home made stock is a really good base for soups.
You have two cows, but only milk one. Your friend asks you…
"What about the udder one?"
The scientist was meticulous about his strawberry pies. He rounded up the protein content of his pie at 3.14.
I tried to make my own condiments but, the recipes change so fast, it's hard to ketchup.
Which type of wine only comes in a box?
Carbordeaux.
What do you call a fruit that doesn't take s**t from anyone? The top banana.
What cookie makes you rich? A fortune cookie!
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
What does a real cheese freak say when they come to your door?
“I’d like to talk to you about Cheesus.”
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
Everyone needs to eat bread because loaf is what makes the world go round. Loaf truly is.
Eggs - the original boneless chicken.
How did the fruit get to Hawaii? The pineapple express.
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
What do you call people avoiding healthy fats?
Avocadonts.
Why is the corn army so dysfunctional?
Cause there are too many Kernels.
I squeezed a lemon on my wife's lap two hours ago...
She's been a sourpuss about it ever since.
What do you call it when someone hits avocados repeatedly with a hammer?
Gu-whack-a-mole-e.
Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." Doctor: Next time, take off the candles.
Why shouldn't you shoot pool using a pickle?
Because you'll find the cue cumbersome.
Did you hear that the diet clinic was doing great business? They say that it’d really take your breadth away.
My wife was trying to feed our son a pear, and he was refusing.
I said, Good news. Our son is immune to pear pressure.
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
What did the mother bread tell her baby roll? You really are the apple of my rye.
What do you get when you cross a goblin and cheese? Muenster cheese.
Let's pumpkin spice things up a bit
I met him yesterday, he was on his way to meet the counselor for a peach therapy session.
What do we call a plumb pineapple? It is called a pineapple chunk!
Why was the guy looking for fast food on his friend? Because his friend said dinner is on me.
What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you're bacon my heart melt.
I got arrested for the way I eat corn.
They charged me with a salt and buttery.
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
What do you call a steak hurtling through space? A meat-ior!
I cut a dill with this spicy mami, but at the last minute she ginger mind.
Did you hear about the secret guild of bakers? They say that they only trade recipes on a knead to know basis.
Pigs, when out in public, have to keep an eye on their valuables as they are vulnerable to pigpockets.
The favorite drink for batman is a fruit punch.
What did the pickle say to the lemon?
I relish our time together
What group of cheese has been known to fly? Curds of prey!
Where's the best place to get information about eggs?
The hen-cyclopedia.
If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make ? Slippers
What’s sweet and goes woof?
Pupcakes!
The baker just felt this incredible knead to make bread. That’s certainly the truth.
What do you say when a fruit wins the talent show? How about them apples?
What did the steak say to his enemy? I have a T-bone to pick with you!
When is a pumpkin not a pumpkin? When you drop it; then it's squash!
What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.
My mum makes peas for every meal. I'm sick of her reci-peas.
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
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