What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate?
A Kitty Kat bar.
How does a cookie wish his friends for Christmas? I whisk you a merry Christmas.
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SpongeBob SquarePants!
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
Why did the banana go out with a prune?
Because he couldn't find a date.
Due to unusually successful harvests of chickpeas this year, the price of hummus is going to fall dramatically.
Buy the dip.
I saw a strawberry with a gun, robbing a man. I am guessing he was in a jam.
Ciabatta stay away from me because I don’t want naan of that. That’s one way to tell someone to keep away.
Do you know why does your mother often shave a peach when cooking? Because she only needs nectarines for the recipe.
Why did the hamburger dress up as a computer? Because he wanted to be a Big Mac.
Why can't chefs play baseball? They always get caught trying to steal a basil.
Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods?
Because they're in-bred.
Why did the aging bread roll retire?
Her career was already toast.
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
How can you tell if you are in love?
If they stole a pizza your heart.
Did you hear the little loaves playing hide-and-seek earlier? They kept yelling, “Bready or not, here I come!”
Fish taco says why don't you want to taco about it And the nacho says cause I'm nacho friend.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
Which type of wine only comes in a box?
Carbordeaux.
How does a robot eat it’s guacamole?
Microchips.
Why did the orange turn into orange juice?
It couldn’t handle the pressure.
Corn mazes should be renamed Maize mazes.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
Why did the watermelon go crazy?
“He lost his rind.”
What did the pear say to the other pear when they just got together?
It’s good to be a pair.
Vampires love cookies too, they love No-stake cookies.
The hotdog severely fell behind in school which is why he has to ketchup.
Why do golfers love donuts?
Always a hole-in-one!
Tony, where do I even starch? I yam so happy we’re best spuds!
What did the Mexican wrestler say after he ate a taco that was too spicy?
“It’s okay, I’ll just guac it off”
What does a cheese say when you ask him to share a secret?
He cantal.
My wife just started an all-fruit diet.
There was enough food to make a mango crazy.
I was walking past the store today when I saw a sign saying, "All items one-third off."
So I bought a dozen eggs. Unfortunately four of them were rotten.
What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A tea party.
What does a pizza wear to smell good?
Calzogne.
You better watch out before you play a game with any bread? Baguette ready to lose.
How do the Vietnamese like their soup? Purrrrrfect.
Why are oranges the smartest fruit?
Because they are made to concentrate.
What happened to the pineapple who was turned down for a date? Crushed pineapple.
The only type of berry you will ever find in a barn is a straw-berry.
A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.
The bartender asks, "Why have you got a fried egg on your head?"
The man replies, "Because boiled eggs fall off."
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
What do you call a pig that practices karate? A pork chop!”
"What do tofu and a dildo have in common?" "They are both meat substitutes!"
What is a butcher’s favorite Elvis Presley song? Love Meat Tenders.
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
"I hate tacos!"
Said no Juan ever.
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