Why did the aging bread roll retire?
Her career was already toast.
How is bacon like southern Europe?
It's got a lot of Greece in it.
How do little avocados get what they want?
They spread it on thick.
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
Me: "Alexa check my bank balance and tell me which apple product can I buy?"
Alexa- "Apple juice."
"Great minds drink alike."
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
Q: What do you call a scary berry?
A: A boo-berry.
What do donuts think about donut puns? They donut like them!
What did mutter say to paneer? Tu cheese badi hai mast mast.
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
I got arrested for the way I eat corn.
They charged me with a salt and buttery.
What did the orange say before he started his new job?
“The zest is yet to come!”
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
What is an elf’s favorite kind of birthday cake?
Shortcake!
Why do potatoes make good detectives? Because they keep their eyes peeled.
When the peach pit farewell to his friend, he said, "See you later, peach out".
What is the name of the dancing chocolate bar?
Nestle Crunk bar.
What would you call a dairy product that is horrible? “Udder bullshit.”
What did one bread lover say to the other?
Before I break down and rye, I want you to know that I loaf you.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
If your doctor tells you to go on a low sodium diet, do you take his advise with a grain of salt?
In Australia, they have a scary lemon dessert that keeps coming back.
They call it Boo-Meringue.
What do you call a pear who plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity.
If we cross lobster bisque and Elon Musk, what we have is a soup-er car
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
Made the mistake of offering my realtor some lipton iced tea
I forgot that he only drinks realty.
Why do the hot dogs with ketchup spoil early?
Because the sauce ages.
What sport are eggs best at?
Running.
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite game, it's peach ball.
Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today's onions from onionderthals.
Interesting fact: A nectarine can also be a peach if it does not have peach fuzz.
As a butcher, let me advise you never to back up into the meat grinder. It will make you get a little behind in your work.
I heard that my neighbor, who loved dried fruit, has passed away. May his soul rest in peach.
What did Yoda say when he turned a patron away for ordering a pie?
“Dough. Or doughnut. There is no pie.”
What did the steak say to his girlfriend? You're the apple of my rib-eye!
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
Eggs are going up again.
That'll surprise a few chickens.
You say "easy peasy lemon squeezy"
... but I prefer "depressed stressed lemon zest."
When a man went to the doctor to get rid of the strawberry that was growing out of his head, the doctor told him, "Don't worry. I'll give you some cream for that".
Happy Birthday to my best spud….get it? ? Spud…bud? ?
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets Jalapeno business.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.
Remember to stop and smell the rosé.
Why did the peach think he was a pear for a while? He was feeling awfully green at first, but eventually his face became red.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
What drives cheese crazy?
That everyone around them is crackers.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
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