What's grandma's favorite fruit?
a Ba-nana.
I watched a documentary about corn fields
It was really quite amaizeing
Sherlock Holmes enters a room carrying a box of lemons
"Where'd you get those?" asks Watson.
"A lemon tree, my dear Watson. A lemon tree."
Breakfasts with my family always feel like a party because they're always making toasts.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite rap artist?
Feta wap.
What do you call corn with red, white and blue kernels?
Americorn.
What's a pickle's life philosophy?
Never a dill moment.
A boy lines up to get some apple juice and a girl lines up to get some orange juice
This would be funny but there’s no punchline.
What do you call a pig thats wrong? Mistaken bacon.
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
What do you call a cow in a rooster costume? Roost beef.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
The oranges hadn’t been peeling well for a week when they finally decided to seek medical attention.
Did you hear about the Italian chef with the terminal illness?
He pastaway. Now he’s just a pizza history.
Why did Bill's friend get covered in beer?
Because William Shakes Beer.
Tobacco companies have made an orange flavored cigarette?
“They call it “Nico-tang”
Why do bananas have to wear sunscreen?
Because they peel.
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
hat did the pizza slicer say when he wanted to rob the pizza?
“Hand over the dough or I’ll cut you!”
What’s Another Name For iPhone Chargers?
Apple Juice.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commentater!
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
What do you do if you see a blue banana? Try to cheer it up.
I had a meal recently that was made with ketchup and mustard.
It was delicious! My condiments to the chef!
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? Milk and Quackers!
Why did the pumpkin pie go to a dentist?
Because it needed a filling.
The tiny bag of flour got in trouble, so his mother sent him to bread early. He kneaded to be punished.
I was hoping my friend would catch the lemon-lime soda i tossed her.
But unfortunately Sierra Mist
On Mother's Day we went strawberry picking and made a jam from the fruits of our labor.
I’d like to tell a joke about salt but then said to myself: "Na."
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
I switched labels in my wife's spice cabinet.
She hasn't noticed, but the thyme is cumin.
My father loves eating reams of soup. That is the reason why I think he should be nominated to the Soup – ream – court!
If Megan Fox is a cake, then what is Amanda Bynes? A fruitcake.
What’s the most supportive beer?
Root beer.
I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”
What can you make with 6.02 x 10^23 avocados?
Guaca-mole.
Why do winos love cheap wine puns?
Because wine snobs hate them!
Can I have your last avocado?
Avocadon’t you dare.
Q: Why couldn’t the orange believe that her friend had let her down?
A: This was because citrus-ted him!
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
What kind of cheese to beavers eat?
Edam.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport? Plane Chocolate!
Have you heard about the new meat that’s taking the world by storm? It’s a cross between a cow and a chicken. They call it “roost beef”.
What did the Mexican wrestler say after he ate a taco that was too spicy?
“It’s okay, I’ll just guac it off”
Why don't cows have any money? Because farmers milk them dry
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