What do bandages like to put on their salad?
A wound dressing.
What does a pirate pay for his corn?
A buccaneer!
Why does everyone want ice cream to be on their team?
Because with them, anything is popsicle.
Why didn't the butcher cross the road? He didn't want to brisket!
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk
What is the best way to make gold soup? By adding 22 carrots in it.
The soup was too spicy to be had by us. It was the borscht soup I had ever had.
This might sound corny, but I think you’re a-maize-ing.
Why was the orange the valedictorian of her class?
She was the zest in class.
What do chemists make guacamole out of?
Avogadros.
My favorite fruit is the pear.
Because if you have two and you eat one, you still have a pear left.
I went to the store today and bought some really oddly shaped eggs.
Now I can't find them. I think they've been mislaid.
Why do ice cream cones make such good journalists?
They always get a scoop.
How do the New England Patriots eat their soup? In a Super Bowl.
A boy lines up to get some apple juice and a girl lines up to get some orange juice
This would be funny but there’s no punchline.
When the peach pit farewell to his friend, he said, "See you later, peach out".
What type of relationships do hotdogs like to have? A frank relationship, they can’t stand lies.
I was gonna make a joke about Mediterranean food...
But hummus have missed the mark, and now I falafel.
What is a potato’s favorite baseball team? The New York Yamkees
Why’d the lettuce blush?
It saw the salad dressing.
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
Why can't the bankrupt Hindu complain? He's got no beef.
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
Did you hear about the crime family that took over the wine importing business?
They call themselves the Sip-ranos!
What does a priest put on his salad?
Lettuce spray.
Mum, you are my soup-er star.
Strawberries love to travel. Their favorite mode of transport is the wind-jam-mer.
What did the tortilla chip say to the avocado?
“Well, this is guacward.”
What does the watermelon say to its girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? – “You are one in a melon!”
What’s worse than finding a worm in your pear?
Finding half a worm.
I’ve been told that I need to stop making puns about meat… But I just can’t stop cold turkey.
My banana grandad got in an accident last year, he bruised like a peach!
What did one orange say to its friend telling a wild story?
“That’s un-peel-ievalbe!”
Why was the orange skeptical of everyone around him?
He was planted with a seed of doubt.
Why did the orange go to the doctor?
“It wasn’t peeling well.”
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
You can never make a crumble with just 3.14 strawberries because that would make a pi.
What did the steak say to his enemy? I have a T-bone to pick with you!
Why did the hare go to the taco truck?
He couldn't beat the tortas.
How can you tell the difference between a monster and a banana? Try picking it up. If you can't, it's either a monster or a giant banana.
What do you call a stolen yam? A hot potato.
Why was the burger sad? Because he had the blue cheese.
How do you make dog bread? You use collie flour.
The forecast said that we’re in for a hot summer; better make sure I watermelon everyday or else the yard will dry up.
Whats the best cheese to coax a bear down a mountain? Camembert (Come On Bear)
Why did the orange help the old lady cross the road?
To do a random act of rindness.
What did the grilled cheese sandwich say to their date?
“You make me melt.”