I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
What do they call Chris Christie in New Jersey? Cake Boss.
What happens after you eat an entire gallon of "All Natural" ice cream? You get Breyer's remorse!
The young lady had to throw her toaster in the trash. She was diagnosed as black-toast intolerant.
I wasn’t sure if I ordered enough tacos from Taco Bell.
So I got a just in quesadilla.
What is the easiest way to make a banana split? Cut it in half.
Did you hear about the man who stole thousands of dollars worth of rare tea?
He went to prison for Oolong time.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener
If you are wondering about the fuzziest character in the gaming world, well it is definitely Princess Peach.
I squeezed the innards of a pumpkin into a glass, and the result was just beautiful
In fact, it was gourdjuice.
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
He is the best chef in the city. His soups take my broth away.
Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, what are you doing this fall? 'Cause I'd like to make you part of the season's harvest.
My car smelled like bacon when I got home.
My porking brake was on.
Some people think anyone who sells meat is gross. But, people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
What do politicans need to drink? Honest-Tea.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
I'm going to tell you all a story about strawberries.....
Once a punnet time....
Somehow they knew I wanted champagne. It was chilling.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
So I was standing in the grocery store comparing the prices of a couple packs of hummus when my roommate came up to me and suggest the off brand roasted red pepper kind to which I replied:
"Ya, I'm not really sure about that brand. They seem to be very hit and hummus for me."
He was not impressed.
“My favorite color is tangerine- isn’t that orange-inal?”
My decision to become a Hindu was a missed steak
What do we call a scientist who specializes in pineapples? He might be called a pineappleologist!
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin.
I told him I'd gourd it with my life.
What is John Lennon's favorite donut? Strawberry' Filled Forever.'
While leaving, the peach friend told his sad buddy, "If you need any help, just peach out, I will be there."
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
What's green and got two wheels?
A motorpickle.
What do you call a metalhead working at Cold Stone? Alice Scooper.
Strawberries are berry healthy. They pack a punch when it comes to beating cancer and other diseases.
What if someone made raisins with juice in them
That would be grape.
What do you call meat balls falling from the sky? A meat-ior shower.
We are thinking of spending the night at the peach house, by the shore.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
If you want day-old soup, then come back here tomorrow!
I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.
Which type of wine only comes in a box?
Carbordeaux.
What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog? Stop touching my buns!
Cows don’t make very good cops. They refuse to go on steak outs.
I don’t know who became more famous, Sir Francis Bacon or his son
Chris P. Bacon
What is a lion’s favorite cheese?
Roarquefort.
What did the baby corn call his dad?
Pop corn!
Q: What did the old orange see before it died?
A: The grim ripe-r.
What would Santa’s name be if he wore orange instead of red?
Fanta Claus.
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
How do you describe an onion which is in its early stages after birth? You say it is in its onion-ic period of its life.
The strawberry was scared of the cream. They were afraid it had gone bad.
Why are watermelons, such good entrepreneurs?
“They always have seed money.”
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