What's a cow's favorite moosical note? Beef-flat
This is a taco and burrito conversation.
Nachos.
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a watermelon by it’s diameter? Watermelon PI.
Do you want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind it's too cheesy.
What kind of cheese to beavers eat?
Edam.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
I got a pear stuck in my toilet. All I needed to do was flush and it was gone.
Because a flush always beats a pair.
How do playful monkeys go down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster!
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
What do people with ambition drink? Loft-Tea.
What do you do when you try to bake a cherry pie for the first time and it doesn't turn out so well? Just wait for the second bite of the cherry.
Why did Oreo go to the dentist? …
Because he lost his filling!
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
I met a chicken once; she was desperate to join a band. She even had her own drumsticks.
A pine and an apple talk to a pineapple “Poor you, my friend! You are certainly adopted, dude.”
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
Mom, what do we have for dinner? I cannot tell you, son, it is a soup-rise! Is it soup? I soup-pose it would be.
A strawberry usually needs batteries when it runs out of juice.
What does a cat lady say on Friday night?
I am drinking wine and feline fine!
What did the toast say to the psychic?
You bread my mind!
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
Why are tomatoes the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.
If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and leave, it could spell disaster.
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese!
What do you call a pickle doctor?
A dill pusher.
What do you call someone who steals from the keebler elves? A crook-ie
What do you call a group of cows that are on top of a hill? High steaks.
Cows don’t make very good cops. They refuse to go on steak outs.
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
What did the boss pig say to the pig worker for not working fast enough? “chop chop slow pork”.
People really liked the new king's coronation day peach. He truly deserves the throne.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
I’m a wrapper, so I get a lot of dough. A bread wrapper, that is.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
Why did the donut go to the doctor?
He was feeling crumby.
Why did the hipster burn his lips?
He ate his pizza before it was cool.
A strawberry usually gets stuck often when it gets jammed.
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
What's the manliest fruit to eat?
Mango.
Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? Kevin Bacon
Where do cows go to celebrate New Years Eve? To a meat ball!
Nobody would ask the strawberry to go to the prom because it was past her sale by date.
Despite the pun being so orange-inal, it wasn’t all that funny.
Why don't bananas snore?
Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
I always get pickle and chutney mixed up.
It makes me chuckle.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
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