I didn’t know you could vape a chocolate bar until my wife told me to stop inhaling them.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake?
Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!
Did you know, you can actually hide a gigantic elephant in a cherry tree? All you need to do is paint its toenails red. I bet you don’t believe me – but have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? I rest my case.
Who does the nectarine just do a hair transplant? Because it wants to become a peach.
I like you a latke!
The hotdog severely fell behind in school which is why he has to ketchup.
My wife asked me why I bought a pear tree.
I told her "what, you told me to grow a pear."
Q: Why did no one like peach’s personality?
A: Because it had a heart of stone.
Why did the cheese lover hide cheese in the back of his fridge?
In queso emergency.
Do you know why a pineapple can be a good observer? Because it has a lot of eyes around its body.
What did one maggot say to the other who was stuck in an apple? Worm your way out of that one, then!
My peach friend shaved for the first time the other day, he looks like a nectarine!
When the unripe strawberry saw the ripe one, it was green with envy.
Q: Why was the fruit not selected for the singing competition?
A: He has a flat peach.
What do you call a baker with a cold?
Coughee cake.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
If you eat too many cherries, you can sometimes end up with digestive issues. It really is the pits.
The soup chef changed the design of his menu. He said his new favorite font is Times New Ramen.
When the orange started peeling, he was glad it was finally cutting some weight.
What do you call pears with no ears?
Deaf.
"Sip, sip hooray."
What is a corn's favorite song?
Corn fields forever.
I need to take this picture for my instayam
What did one Jack-o-lantern say to the other? Cut it out!
Grandma: Do you like Hummus? Me: I love Hummus....and I sometimes like to singus!
What's the difference between a pickle and a psychiatrist?
If you don't know, you ought to stop talking to your pickle!
What is a monkey’s favourite cookie?
Chocolate Chimp!
What kind of fish is only made of salt.
A tu-na.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
What do we call a plumb pineapple? It is called a pineapple chunk!
What type of keys does the gingerbread man unlock his door with? cook-keys!
If you’re looking for Valentine’s Day inspiration for a meat loving crush, try “Will you beef my Valentine?”
What did the corn say when it was being followed?
“I’m being stalked!”
When you find a blue strawberry, try to cheer it up.
While cutting the onions, my eyes were leek-ing tears
What do you call a cup of leaf juice that doesn’t want to be a dad?
Absent-tea parent.
What is the suckiest fruit?
A strawberry.
Why didn’t I believe what the cheese salesman told me?
It was too gouda to be true.
Why was the slice of bread upset with her husband?
He told her she was being too kneady.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
"What do tofu and a dildo have in common?" "They are both meat substitutes!"
What do you call referential cheese?
Feta.
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
What’s the only fruit that never gets lonely?
A pear.
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
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