Why could I not imagine to have milk in the afternoon? Because it was beyond my wildest creams.
Saw a great offer on cheese in Tesco today!
It was buy one get one brie.
What do you call a pickle lullaby?
A cucumber slumber number.
I’ve been told that I need to stop making puns about meat… But I just can’t stop cold turkey.
How do the New England Patriots eat their soup? In a Super Bowl.
What's the difference between a bipolar person and a loft full of lemons?
One's a bit erratic and the other's a bitter attic.
There’s muffin I wouldn’t do for breakfast.
The best thing ever to put in a strawberry pie is your teeth.
What did the Mexican wrestler say after he ate a taco that was too spicy?
“It’s okay, I’ll just guac it off”
What did the guy at the party say when he realized there was nothing left to dip his tortilla chip in?
“I’ve hit guac bottom.”
Inviting cherries over for a drinks party is easy. Simply start your invitation with “You are cordially invited…”
What do you calla watermelon that just won’t stop committing crimes? A watefelon.
What is the left side of an apple? The part that you don't eat.
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
How do you know when a potato is high? When it looks baked!
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
What’s the best time to eat a peach while watching a NASCAR race? During the pit stop!
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
What do you call a pastry that is a priest?
A Holy Donut!
What do bandages like to put on their salad?
A wound dressing.
Why do bananas have to wear sunscreen?
Because they peel.
What did the corn say when it was being followed?
“I’m being stalked!”
Why do baby seals swim in salt water? Cause pepper water makes them sneeze.
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do? Keeps everyone away.
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What do you call 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? Won Ton.
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
Q: What video games do fruits play?
A: Peach ball.
How did the coconut hit on the pineapple? It said ” you are the pina to my colada.”
When you come across oranges wearing suntan lotion, don’t judge them harshly. They do so in order not to peel.
What do we call a plumb pineapple? It is called a pineapple chunk!
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
If you eat too many cherries, you can sometimes end up with digestive issues. It really is the pits.
What kind of tea does Billy like?
Ability.
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
What is the similarity between a superhero and an onion? They both have layers.
Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." Doctor: Next time, take off the candles.
I had thought of a lot of good bread puns, but they seem to have gone a rye. I know the feeling.
Despite the pun being so orange-inal, it wasn’t all that funny.
What is a chillin' banana's favorite song?
Mellow Yellow!
If that’s the case, would it be wrong to say that the unfaithful watermelon had an illegitimate daughtermelon?
Don't be a jerk-o-lantern
I just had the most manly craft beer at my Israeli restaurant.
It was called He-Brew.
This joke is like the time I slipped and fell into a salad.
Corny on the Cobb.
How old was the cave man on his birthday?
Stone Age.
Why does everyone invite ice cream to the party?
It’s cool.
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