The only fruit that makes me feel fuzzy and warm is a peach.
What drink do goalies hate? Penal-tea.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
What do you call it when a taco stands in your way ?
An obs-taco
When strawberries, blueberries or blackberries meet another berry they like and want to get married who do they go see?
The marionberry
The peach started acting all funny because it was really fuzzy.
My doctor tells me I've got a bacon addiction.
Thankfully he thinks I can be cured.
What did the cherry say when it was given a bunch of flowers? You are cherry sweet.
Where do astronauts buy their milk? From the milky way!!!
Wholey-grain! You really bread my mind!
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
What do you call it when you order the same donut every day?
A do-rut!
What did the man say after his boss threw cheese, milk, and creamer in his face? How dairy!
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
What do you get when you cross a human and a pear?
A pear-son.
Join us for a slice of fun.
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
I caught my sister click and post a picture of the soupy noodles yesterday. She was actively instagramen.
What do peach soldiers say to each other before they are sent into combat? – “Good luck and make sure you come back in one peach!”
My favorite fruit is the pear.
Because if you have two and you eat one, you still have a pear left.
My bag of fruit snacks had all grapes
Today’s gonna be a grape day!
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
What do you call an evil lemon?
Sour On
When you cross a train engine with a strawberry tart, you make a puff pastry.
Somebody was doing a speech and said, "This might be corny," and pulled out a couple of canned corns. Guess what happened next?
Total pundemonium.
What happened when the beer got divorced?
It became bitter.
Back in the early 2010s, the peach children loved to flock around to listen to Peach Pit.
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
Love is also like a pineapple: They both are undefinable and sweet.
what does a female corn do when she likes a male corn?
she corn-fesses.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
What is the most affordable type of meat? Deer, it is always under a buck a pound.
What kind of candy is never on time? ChocoLATE
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? Chicken Caesar Salad
I’m opening a grocery store that specializes in Swiss cheese and donuts.
I’m calling it Hole Foods.
Why did the ice cream truck break down? Because of the Rocky Road.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
If you bake an oatmeal raisin cookie at a temperature of 666 degrees, what do you call it? Raisin hell!
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
What kind of potatoes are in the best shape? Hash browns; they’re totally shredded!
Why did the FBI surround the president with cows? They were beefing up security!”
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
What do you say when a fruit wins the talent show? How about them apples?
What do you call a pickle from the southern backwoods.
A hill-dilly.
What do fruits look for at a talent show? A berry that can really cherry a tune.
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