What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
What do ghoul scouts hope to achieve by selling halloween cookies? They hope to make a good first impression.
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
What do you call a lamb covered in chocolate? A Candy Baa. Did you hear about the love affair between Mr. Goodbar and Peppermint Patty? They had a baby, Ruth.
Why did the blonde throw her favorite doll on the grill? She thought it was a Barbie-Q.
What did man say to the guacamole?
Avocado crush on you.
What do you call it when you order the same donut every day?
A do-rut!
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
What do you call a pear with loose morals?
A prostifruit.
What is the most affordable type of meat? Deer, it is always under a buck a pound.
What did the glass of wine say to the beer?
Nothing... They barley knew each other.
Why did the orange lose his job at the factory? He didn’t concentrate.
What rhymes with orange?
No, it doesn’t.
What did the salad lover say to his girlfriend?
You will Romaine in my heart forever.
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
What do you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers
I recently went to a soft fruit party, where all the food was berry based. It was cherrific.
Did you hear about the guy who opened up a store where they only sell Swiss cheese?
It’s a hole business strategy.
“How was your day? ” “It was a total disas-tater”
Why is it called Almond Milk?
Because no one would buy it if it was called Nut Juice.
What did Katy Perry drink when she was little? Bust-Tea.
Shucking takes lots of corn-centration.
How can you spot a fashionista donut?
They’re into all the latest glazes.
What did the parmesan say when it broke up with the mozzarella?
Sorry but I am too mature for you.
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid in existence? It’s pasteurized before you ever notice.
So I was cleaning my spice cabinet...
and now I have a lot of thyme on my hands!
National Herbs and Spices Day is celebrated annually on June 10.
A lemon says to an orange, “What are you up to?”
The orange replies, “Not much. Just hanging ‘round.”
How do you defeat a meat-loving vampire? With a steak to the heart!
What kind of cheese do rodents like? Mousearella.
What do you drink before you audition for "The Voice" ? Tea-Lo Green
Why did the banana go to the hairdressers? Because it had split ends!
A cable TV installer walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender says, "You'll be served sometime between 7am and 2pm."
When I was younger, I once smashed up a nest of heron's eggs.
No egrets.
What did the baby corn call his dad?
Pop corn!
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
What did the hamburger coach tell his team after they lost the first round? “You have to keep frying, you can’t give up”.
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
My father loves eating reams of soup. That is the reason why I think he should be nominated to the Soup – ream – court!
Mom: Why did you shave the peaches!
Dad: The recipe asked for nectarines.
What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea?
Boo tea!
Are avocados good for your heart?
Yes, they make for great avo-cardio.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
Why did the orange go to the doctor?
“It wasn’t peeling well.”
What candy is only for girls? HER-SHEy's Kisses!
Why shouln’t you rub avocado in your eyes?
You might get guacoma.
The oranges have great eyesight because they always keep their eyes peeled.
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