It’s too bad that bread puns are always so crumby. Mmm . . . crumbs.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin?
Gourdgeous.
Who did the Caribbean jerk fall in love with? The Spice Girl next door.
Why was the man holding a bottle of ketchup? Because it was raining cats and hot dogs.
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
Whenever the peach gets angry, it looks at my face and screams: “You are just a peach of sh*t!”
What is a cheese lover’s favorite Village People song?
Nacho Man.
Do you hear about the pineapple and honeydew who try to get married? The court says that they cant – eloupe.
What do oranges like to listen to?
Musical com-peel-ations.
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
What do you call fake ramen noodles? An impasta.
Eating no meat except fish is really bothersome.
I should stop being a Pesky-tarian.
People say nothing rhymes with orange. It seems very strange to me.
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
What is the most sophisticated class of bread?
The upper crust.
What do you call a barking pumpkin?
A gourd dog.
What do you get when you cross a smurf and a cow?
Blue cheese.
What is the correct answer to Hummus?
A cow.
Why did the kid keep falling off his bike? It had a banana seat.
What do a pregnancy test and hummus have in common?
They both require a chickpea.
My wife asked me this morning "Do you want a bacon omelette?"
I said "No, I'd rather fry one."
What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy? Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
Who wrote the book "Great Egg-spectations"?
Charles Chickens.
What do you get when you play Tug-of-War with a pig? Pulled-Pork
Digital burgers are nothing but processed meat.
What did the grilled cheese sandwich say to their date?
“You make me melt.”
What cheese is made backwards?
Edam.
The unluckiest berry in the group is the one that drew the short straw-berry.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
You’re the tater to my tot. I miss you a lot!
How does the Cheese Detective choose his clients?
On a queso by queso basis.
What is a dessert called with an extra chromosome?
A chocolate downie.
The jam bank went bankrupt because of the series of strobberies in the last quarter.
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
I think it’s funny when I ask girls whether they would spit or swallow my seed if I was a watermelon. Unfortunately, almost all of them reply not in a hundred melon years.
Berries are the most fashionista of the fruits, they can really cherry off the wildest outfits.
How does an ice cream cone congratulate you on the anniversary of your birth?
It’s sherbert day!
Why didn't the kids eat their soup? Because they're stew peed.
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
Q: What’s a donut’s favorite drink?
A: Hole-y water!
What does a hippy cherry wear to a festival? A pie dye T-shirt.
My local restaurant recently lost out on an entire order of the best local beef. No one has herd what happened to it.
Every girl is just like a pineapple: They both have many pointy defences, but they are still sweet and adorable.
Why don’t these children eat their soup? Because all of them is stew-pid.
What’s a balanced diet like?
A slice of cake in each hand!
When do they smother a burrito in cheese? In best queso scenario.
My father gave me a peach. I told him that I wanted a pear. So he gave me another peach.
Do you know what you call the outside of a watermelon?
“Rind of.”
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