What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
What did baby clock ask mama clock? Where's father Thyme.
Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, what are you doing this fall? 'Cause I'd like to make you part of the season's harvest.
Young Billy had to mail a loaf of bread at the toast office today.
Q: Why did the fruit finish her homework so quickly?
A: Because the homework was a peach of cake.
What does a piece of cheese tell you during a game of tag?
Cheez it.
What's the difference between a bipolar person and a loft full of lemons?
One's a bit erratic and the other's a bitter attic.
Why did the corn farmer go to jail?
He was stalking someone in a field.
A man likes sending random stuff to his friends through the mail because he finds it funny.
This particular time the man takes some lettuce to the post office to ship to a friend from back home.
He tries to package it up but it won't fit unless he cuts it into smaller peices. He cuts it up and stuffs it in a large envelope, however he forgets to write out and attach a shipping label. He doesn't realize his mistake at the time and brings it to the counter to send.
The postal workers says: "You can't send a salad like that, it needs adressing".
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.
Q: Why could the fruits not see anything?
A: It was peach black there.
What’s a calendars favorite fruit?
Dates.
What is the easiest way to make a banana split? Cut it in half.
Have you seen that awesome video of a Koala drinking tea high up in the trees?
It’s super high Koala-tea
just witnessed a chicken try to pick up a piece of corn for 5 minutes,
ImPeck-able.
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
Who's a pickle's favorite artist?
Salvador Dilli.
When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.
Why did the donut go to the doctor?
He was feeling crumby.
Recently in a meeting at the greengrocer I work at, I asked my manager how he was doing. "Just peachy", he replied.
The soup that she cooks is so thick that the kitchen would go around when she stirs it.
Don't be too harsh on the bread. All it kneads is love.
How do eggs get around?
On a s-egg-way.
What do you drink with the Queen of England? Royal-Tea.
How did the fruit get to Hawaii? The pineapple express.
A strawberry feels most comfortable in its py-jam-as.
What type of relationships do hotdogs like to have? A frank relationship, they can’t stand lies.
What kind of milk do people drink in Mexico? Soy milk.
When you find a blue strawberry, try to cheer it up.
I was throwing oranges at tropical birds. One of them caught one then said: “Toucan play that game”
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a 🍲. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
Wondering about a peach's favorite movie? Well it has to be the 'King's Peach'.
How much does a corn flake weigh?
1 Kelloggram.
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
If they swam in pepper water they would sneeze.
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
I was caught smuggling a taco into the new star wars movie...
...they now call me Rogue Juan
What did the skeleton order for lunch? Spare ribs!
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
The IT peach-guy is an expert in the field of peach synthesis.
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
Why is the chef so mean?
He beats the eggs.
Broccoli: I look like a tree. Walnut: I look like a brain. Mushroom: I look like an umbrella. Banan Can we change the topic?
What do get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? Hot, diggety dog.
Did you hear about the cheese failed to medal at the olympics? It fell at the final curdle
Got the drive-thru girl at Taco Bell..
I pulled up and she said, "what can I get you?" And I replied, "I'll just have a moment for now."
What do you call a baby lion on lettuce?
Cub Salad.
What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!
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