What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
I was souper excited to hear some soup puns for the comic chef - but his performance did not excite miso much.
What do horses like to put on their egg salad sandwiches?
MayoNAYS!
What kind of evidence can a donut not take to trial?
Anecdoughtal evidence.
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.
Why did the orange lose the race?
“Because it got Im-peached.”
What did the farmer say when someone complimented him on his corn harvest?
Aww, shucks!
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
What currency do fruit use to make purchases?
Banana bread!
What is a monkey’s favourite cookie?
Chocolate Chimp!
Join us for a slice of fun.
Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods?
Because they're in-bred.
Lettuce stop these governmental leeks.
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
While cutting the onions, my eyes were leek-ing tears
I had a salad pun, but I tossed it
I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts I won’t lie, it was a Rocky Road.
If Santa made love to a pickle, what would they call their baby?
Claussen.
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
I’m a wrapper, so I get a lot of dough. A bread wrapper, that is.
Why are bananas never lonely?
Because they hang around in bunches.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
I had no clue how much lettuce to buy, so I called my wife from the grocery store.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
Where did the onion find his family history?
In the archives
Q: Why could the fruits not see anything?
A: It was peach black there.
What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up.
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
What cheese is made backwards?
Edam.
What do you call a potato wearing glasses? A spec-tater!
Why do potatoes make good detectives? Because they keep their eyes peeled.
What kind of ice cream to electricians eat?
Shock a lot.
Fruit puns intended
Does he avacado? Because If not you should let that mango.
What did one cheese tell the other cheese on Valentine’s day?
Brie mine.
What do you call a group of butchers coming together? A meating.
Why was the guy looking for fast food on his friend? Because his friend said dinner is on me.
A dog in a pumpkin patch is called...
a pumpkin pooch.
What do you say when a fruit wins the talent show? How about them apples?
A lorry load of pears has crashed on the motorway. It’s caused a huge jam.
Why do ice cream cones make such good journalists?
They always get a scoop.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
When potato chips don’t sell fast enough, the maker knows it will soon be crunch time.
Subway - Lettuce know how we did.
You have two cows, but only milk one. Your friend asks you…
"What about the udder one?"
Why couldn’t the donut reach enlightenment? Because it was already holy.
How did the coconut hit on the pineapple? It said ” you are the pina to my colada.”
What is a pizza’s favorite movie?
Pie hard.
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
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