Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!
What do you call a bee that makes a milk?
Boo-bee
Why did the parmesan swipe left on the cheddar?
His pick-up line was too cheesey.
The fruit bat ate the orange because of its appeal. It had such a nice color.
How do you defeat a meat-loving vampire? With a steak to the heart!
What’s the most supportive beer?
Root beer.
What soup killed Rob Stark? Italian Wedding Massacre.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
When you accidentally step on a cheerio, you become a cereal killer.
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was ahead while the tomato tried to ketchup.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin?
Gourdgeous.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice
What’s an orange’s favourite animal? An orange-utan.
Q: Why did the fruit stop for some time while driving?
A: It wanted to make a quick pit-stop
What did the pinecone say to the pineapple? Nice to meet juice.
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
How can you tell if you are in love?
If they stole a pizza your heart.
What did one orange say to its friend telling a wild story?
“That’s un-peel-ievalbe!”
An angry fruit yells at traffic in front of them
“Mango!”
What do you get when you cross an orange with a parrot? A carrot.
Did you get a side of hummus?
It's a hummuside.
What do get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? A hot, diggety dog.
What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag
A tea bag stays longer in the cup.
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
Why does every watermelon want to be in the Guinness book of records? Because there’s a lot of watermelon smashing to be done.
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.
What kind of tea did the American colonists want? Liberty.
Here’s another one; what about an otter who lives in an emptied out melon? An ottermelon.
Happy Hour is at wine o’ clock
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef!
What do you call a potato that smokes weed? A baked potato.
The tiny bag of flour got in trouble, so his mother sent him to bread early. He kneaded to be punished.
When I went to the shop to buy some strawberries, they didn't have any. It was such a fruitless trip.
Did you hear the one about the watermelon pirate who went to the Caribbean? Must have desperately wanted to catch some arrgh and arrgh.
How did Reese eat her ice cream? Witherspoon.
You can fix a broken strawberry with a strawberry patch.
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
What do you call two banana skins?
A pair of slippers.
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
What do you call a group of cows that are on top of a hill? High steaks.
Due to unusually successful harvests of chickpeas this year, the price of hummus is going to fall dramatically.
Buy the dip.
The pancake was quiet because it did not like to waffle.
Breakfasts with my family always feel like a party because they're always making toasts.
What did the girl dinosaur ask her pet dog?
"Do you want some tea, Rex?"
Did you hear what happened to the cheese after its breakup?
It got provolonely.
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