I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
Why was the guy looking for fast food on his friend? Because his friend said dinner is on me.
Happy Birthday to my best spud….get it? ? Spud…bud? ?
The mother helped her child bake bread because it was a labor of loaf. True enough.
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
My son just tried to tell me a joke about pumpkins.
Oh, gourd, was it awful.
Did you hear the one about the watermelon pirate who went to the Caribbean? Must have desperately wanted to catch some arrgh and arrgh.
What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you're bacon my heart melt.
How did the cheese professor start class every day?
Oh queso…
There are actually two types of apple: pine – apple and bad – apple.
What Christmas carol do candy bars sing? Almond Joy To The World.
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
Someone told me I looked like a salt shaker. I took it as a condiment.
What do you call a rapper working at Cold Stone? Scoop Dogg.
How do you get a mouse to smile? Say cheese!
When do you put paprika on eggs? Fry-Day.
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
How does a restaurant get the freshest ingredients? They cut a dill.
What did the newspaper say to the ice cream? What's the scoop
The soup that she cooks is so thick that the kitchen would go around when she stirs it.
What do you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
What do leprechauns love to barbecue? Short ribs!
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
When does Oliver Stone eat ice cream? Any Given Sundae.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
Why was the chef surprised that anyone like her bread?
She thought it was crumby.
What do you call an ant dipped in chocolate? Decad-ant.
Have you heard about the new meat that’s taking the world by storm? It’s a cross between a cow and a chicken. They call it “roost beef”.
Do you hear about the pineapple and honeydew who try to get married? The court says that they cant – eloupe.
What did one avocado half say to the other?
Without you, I’m empty inside!
Why does Elton John HATE lettuce?
Becuase he's a ROCKET MAN...
My wife asked me this morning "Do you want a bacon omelette?"
I said "No, I'd rather fry one."
What do the ducks have for dinner? They have Quackers and soup.
Why did Mrs. Wine Grape run away from home?
She was tired of raisin a family.
Strawberries love delicious food. Their favorite is Jam-balaya.
My wife looked at me and said “You think you’re pretty sharp, don’t you?”
What type of keys does the gingerbread man unlock his door with? cook-keys!
What did the baby corn call his dad?
Pop corn!
Wino Woe: Forgive me, for I have zinned!
I yam what I yam.
What do pigs drive? Pigup trucks.
Why was the white wine's off-beat pun so boo-ed?
Because it was too corky.
What do you get when you cross an orange with a parrot? A carrot.
What do athletes drink before games? Sport-Tea.
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.
"Scone be a lot of fun. Wheat love for you to join us."
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
What did one orange say to its friend telling a wild story?
“That’s un-peel-ievalbe!”
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