Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
Whom did the cheesy Bible start with? Edam and Eve.
My wife just started an all-fruit diet.
There was enough food to make a mango crazy.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
Q: How do you call a magic berry?
A: Cherry Potter.
What do you drink before you audition for "The Voice" ? Tea-Lo Green
In Australia, they have a scary lemon dessert that keeps coming back.
They call it Boo-Meringue.
Did you hear about the pear that fell off of the tree and fell to its death?
The damage was irreparable.
Everything in this world is either a potato or not a potato
He was showing off his new gaming gadget, "it has the latest peach recognition technology" he said.
Where did the garlic clove go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
We had made everything for the party and the groom came in, did a quick assessment and didn’t seem amused. “Orange you glad we did this?” we asked him.
Why did the man keep punching his doughy friend?
To get a rise out of him!
Why did the orange get pulled over while driving?
He kept peeling out.
A turkey's favorite dessert is a strawberry gobbler.
What did Gorgonzola say to Cheddar? Lookin' Sharp.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
What did the orange say when a knife pierced it’s peel? Flesh wound.
Tobacco companies have made an orange flavored cigarette. They call it “Nico-tang”
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
What do you call someone who chokes on their tea?
A cough-y drinker.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
The mother helped her child bake bread because it was a labor of loaf. True enough.
What do you call a banana who gets all the girls?
A banana smoothie.
Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
My girlfriend was seasoning the soup. I asked, "What spice is that?", and she replied "Sage".
I said, "Sounds wise".
What did the Mexican heavy metal guitarist say to his bandmates?
“Rock out with your guac out.”
What do we call two thousand pounds of Chinese soup? It is called won – ton!
What drink do you need to steal? Virgin-tea. Why do hipsters only drink iced tea? Because ice was water before it was cool.
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he ate his soup before it was cool.
Why was the pear by himself? Because the banana split.
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was ahead while the tomato tried to ketchup.
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
How do you get the most apples at Halloween? Take a snorkel.
What do you call a potato that’s reluctant to jump into boiling water? A hesi-tater.
Why was the orange skeptical of everyone around him?
He was planted with a seed of doubt.
Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.
Lemonade and iced tea make an Arnold Palmer. What do you get when you Mix Lemonade with a tea bag?
Benedict Arnold Palmer
Every girl is just like a pineapple: They both have many pointy defences, but they are still sweet and adorable.
Why did the orange turn into orange juice?
It couldn’t handle the pressure.
What did the perverted pumpkin use for his pick-up line?
Hey gourd-geous! Wanna go back to my place and squash?
Why do girls scouts sell cookies? They wanna make a sweet first impression.
What do you call a pear who plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity.
How do you make Ohio State University cookies? Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
Due to unusually successful harvests of chickpeas this year, the price of hummus is going to fall dramatically.
Buy the dip.
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
I have a beer snob friend with Photophobia. He hates natural light.
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
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