Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
What do they call Chris Christie in New Jersey? Cake Boss.
Q: What’s red and invisible?
A: No cherries.
What's the difference between French fries and orange juice?
You can make orange juice out of orange, but not French fries out of French
Why are tomatoes the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.
What should you drink before you workout? Sweat-Tea.
What did the boss say to his pizza during their meeting?
There’s mushroom for improvement.
What did the boy say when his mom made him prepare the corn for supper?
This shucks!
How does the Cheese Detective choose his clients?
On a queso by queso basis.
What did the pickle say when he was told he was going in to a salad?
I relish the thought.
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
Which Oiler great had a soft spot for Indian food? Jari Curry.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice? It said concentrate.
Q: What’s a donut’s favorite drink?
A: Hole-y water!
Why did the cheese get in trouble?
It was up to no gouda.
When I told my friend an onion pun, he started crying. I asked whether they were tears of happiness?
What does a pirate pay for his corn?
A buccaneer!
I hear you like wine, too. Grape minds think alike.
“How was your day? ” “It was tater-ible”
It peels nice to be voted in as the most appeeling model in the contest.
Why shouldn't you be too inquisitive with a cherry? Ask no questions tell no pies.
Why did the slice of bread leave her boyfriend? She thought that he was just too knead-y.
When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"
I keep thinking I'll make breakfast pancakes, but I end up waffling.
Where do Eskimos keep their eggs?
In the egg-loo.
Why are bread puns the greatest? They never grow mold.
What does a hippy cherry wear to a festival? A pie dye T-shirt.
Berries are the most fashionista of the fruits, they can really cherry off the wildest outfits.
"Be kind, re-wine."
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today's onions from onionderthals.
Bananas, for breakfast, are such an a-peeling choice.
If you’re looking for potato puns, you can count on me to chip in.
Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
What is a ghost peppers favorite Leonardo Dicaprio film? Catch me if you Cayenne.
The hotdog severely fell behind in school which is why he has to ketchup.
What happened to the renegade donuts?
They went down in a glaze of glory.
Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." Doctor: Next time, take off the candles.
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
What do you call a male orange?
Mangerine!
Last time I was in France I wanted to ask a question about strawberries
But I wasn't sure how to fraise it.
Due to unusually successful harvests of chickpeas this year, the price of hummus is going to fall dramatically.
Buy the dip.
I asked my nectarine friend how she was doing after her break up and she said 'It's the pits, man.'
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
The manager at the bread store told the baker that he had to stop loafing around. The baker said that it was his job.
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