I was souper excited to hear some soup puns for the comic chef - but his performance did not excite miso much.
"You can't sip with us."
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
When potato chips don’t sell fast enough, the maker knows it will soon be crunch time.
Did you hear what happened to the cheese after its breakup?
It got provolonely.
When the giant cannibals started to soak me in vinegar, I'd had enough.
"Why don't you pickle someone your own size?" I shouted.
I saw an egg behaving oddly today.
It was probably just a bit egg-centric.
"Personally, I like people who peach on time, and are always punctual," said the strawberry.
What do strawberries wear to bed?
Jammies!
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
My wife made gluten free, carb free, salt free spaghetti last night
It was not real food, it was an impasta.
My mum makes peas for every meal. I'm sick of her reci-peas.
I fed my wife some ground chick peas and she choked to death
The police are treating it as a hummuside.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
Where do you put nectarines when you want to freeze them? Inside the peach-zer.
What does a dragon eat with his soup? Firecrackers.
What do they call Chris Christie in New Jersey? Cake Boss.
In some way, being a bowl of soup is like being a man. You are only blown when you are hot!
Why does everyone invite ice cream to the party?
It’s cool.
Did you hear about the butcher who sat on his bacon slicer?
He got a little behind in his deliveries.
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
When I was learning how to cook soups, my mum asked me to follow my instinct. She asked me to go with the pho.
What did the skeleton order for lunch? Spare ribs!
Why did the orange go to the doctor? He wasn’t peeling well.
What did the Mexican heavy metal guitarist say to his bandmates?
“Rock out with your guac out.”
Why don't potatoes go to parties?
They're scared of the Monster Mash.
Why is cherry pie so legendary? Because it is history in the baking.
Why can't you tease egg whites?
Because they can't take a yolk.
How can you spot a fashionista donut?
They’re into all the latest glazes.
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
Lately my wife has been looking at me as if I'm a piece of meat....
And it wouldn't bother me, if she wasn't a vegan.
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are on the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
My friends say that I cannot cook alphabet soup for this dinner. And now they are eating their words.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling
What do you call a watermelon that spends all day at the beauty spa? Must be a hottermmelon.
What do you call a group of cows that are on top of a hill? High steaks.
What’s a potatoes favorite horror movie? The Silence of the Yams.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
What do you call referential cheese?
Feta.
Why is pumpkin pie so much better than sweet potato pie?
Sweet potatoes are ungourdly.
"Are you sure about this?"
"Crust me, I'm on a roll."
Where do you store peach juice? Inside of a peach-er.
What do you find if you hang from a cherry tree for hours and hours? You find that your arms get sore.
A magnetic strawberry is always red and points north.
What did mamma orange say to little orange after he spilled his milk? It’s no big peel!
What type of a computer does a horse like to eat? A Macintosh
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
How does the Cheese Detective choose his clients?
On a queso by queso basis.
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