What did the orange do the night before the exam?
He put his nose to the “g-rind-stone” and read the entire textbook.
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
What should you do if you see a blue banana?
Try and cheer it up.
Why did the banana go out with a lemon?
Because it couldn't find a date!
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
What do you call a watermelon that spends all day at the beauty spa? Must be a hottermmelon.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
Why did the pirate have a pumpkin strapped to his arm?
He was a squash-buckler.
What does the watermelon say to its girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? – “You are one in a melon!”
Why was the pizzeria desperate for business?
Because they kneaded the dough!
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
What kind of candy never arrives on time? Chocolate
Man wins award after he died eating appetizers at a Mediterranean restaurant
It was a Post-Hummus award.
What do you call a cow with no legs at all? Ground beef
What do you call a pickle you got at a cheap price?
A sweet dill.
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
Why are cherries unassuming? Because they often get made into humble pie.
Cherry pie can be a bit aggressive. Rumor has it they go around saying, “Hey! You want a piece of me?”
The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.
Why was red in awe of orange?
“Because orange blue green.”
What do you tell your friend after she breaks up with a cheese lover?
You’re cheddar off without him!
When I was learning how to cook soups, my mum asked me to follow my instinct. She asked me to go with the pho.
We're like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It's making me quite unhap-pea.
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
What would a pineapple say to a pineapple pie? You have some crust.
Hot dog, I love a good meat pun.
Why did the potato wear socks?
To keep his pota-toes warm.
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
Which hand should we use to stir the soup? It is better to stir the soup with a spoon!
What did the Apple say to the lemon & lime when he found out they were correct?
Yeah, I guess you’re Sprite
When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"
What sport are eggs best at?
Running.
What do bandages like to put on their salad?
A wound dressing.
The pineapple is pining for the summer.
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
Why did the cow fall down while being milked? Because the rug was pulled out from udder it.
What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter? Ketch-up!
Ever heard of French Donuts?
They’re the Beigne of my existence.
hat’s the most sophisticated kind of bread?
The upper crust.
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
Join us for a slice of fun.
If you bake an oatmeal raisin cookie at a temperature of 666 degrees, what do you call it? Raisin hell!
Why are candles lit on top of birthday cakes?
It’s impossible to light them on the bottom
The manager at the bread store told the baker that he had to stop loafing around. The baker said that it was his job.
How do you make dog bread?
Just use collie flour.
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
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