What did the annoyed peach say to the mango?
Man-go away!
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
Why is a pineapple so attractive? Because it keeps its juices flowing.
Why was the orange skeptical of everyone around him?
He was planted with a seed of doubt.
What kind of wine is aged to purr-fection?
Mos-cat-o!
How do you fix a broken pizza?
With tomato paste.
What was Valentine’s favorite dessert for the French cat?
Chocolate mousse
I don’t wanna taco ‘bout it
Do you know why a pineapple can be a good observer? Because it has a lot of eyes around its body.
I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
How do you get a raise at the bread factory?
Butter up your boss.
What do you call hot dogs in winter? Chilly dogs!
What did the worm want to do when he grew up? He wanted to join the Apple Core (Corps).
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
Did you hear about the lowest grade of steak? It's where the rubber meats the road.
Be careful! Theres a deadly fruit on the loose
He has 7 charges of armed Strawbbery.
What kind of ice cream to electricians eat?
Shock a lot.
What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair? Chocolate Chip Wookiee.
What do bread kids say during hide-and-seek?
Bready or not, here I crumb!
"I'd like to make a toast!", said the bread to the bride on her wedding day.
Why does a little cherry always look up to its parents? It tries to follow in their fruitsteps.
What do you call a piece of cheese that likes to shoot hoops? Swiss!
What do athletes drink before games? Sport-Tea.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
“How was your day? ” “It was tater-ible”
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
What did the daddy potato say to his son before his soccer game? I’m rooting for you!
Why will you never meet an ice cream workaholic?
They know how to chill out.
What happened to the criminal magician who ate to much salt?
Cardiac arrest.
What’s sweet and goes woof?
Pupcakes!
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
Who tells the best egg jokes?
Comedi-hens.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
A cued peach visual communication system is used with people suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
Unlike peaches, nectarines don't have any fuzz, because they suffer from Alo-peach-ea.
Interesting fact: A nectarine can also be a peach if it does not have peach fuzz.
What’s yellow and swings from cake to cake?
Tarzipan.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
When you push a strawberry down a hill, you make a strawberry turnover.
I was caught smuggling a taco into the new star wars movie...
...they now call me Rogue Juan
Why was the slice of bread upset with her husband?
He told her she was being too kneady.
What did the watermelon wife say to his stinky husband? You’ve got a strange smelon you today.
“We are experiencing slight tuber-lence on the flight”
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do? Keeps everyone away.
I've just got my hand stuck in a jar of gherkins and I can't get it out.
I'm in a right pickle!
Why doesn’t anyone invite an ice cream cone to their party?
They’re a drip.
Did you know that if you poured salt on a cat's tail it will fall off?
It's true! And if you pour pepper on a cat's tail, the pepper will also fall off.
Lately my wife has been looking at me as if I'm a piece of meat....
And it wouldn't bother me, if she wasn't a vegan.
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