Why are apples afraid to grow in the United States? Because they don't want to be as American as apple pie.
I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite track and field event?
The curdles.
A thesaurus' favorite thing to eat for breakfast is a synonym roll.
What would a peach say to its girlfriend or boyfriend? – “You will always have a peach of my heart, baby!”
My decision to become a Hindu was a missed steak
What do you call an evil lemon?
Sour On
Did you hear about the pear that fell off of the tree and fell to its death?
The damage was irreparable.
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
The healthy soup recipe was suggested to us by the nutritionist. It soup-erseded the old unhealthy creamy soup we used to have for dinner.
How many tacos can an octopus eat?
Ten tacos.
Why did the two slices of bread disappear in the middle of the night? They wanted to e-loaf together.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?
Because it was marble cake!
What kind of candy is never on time? ChocoLATE
This joke is like the time I slipped and fell into a salad.
Corny on the Cobb.
"Love the wine you're with."
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you're bacon my heart melt.
My wife looked at me and said “You think you’re pretty sharp, don’t you?”
What does a cheese say when they look in the mirror in the morning?
Halloumi.
Whenever I give my daughter cherries, she stuffs them in the chair
Now we call them chairries
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
Wondering about a peach's favorite sci-fi novel? It's 'When You Peach Me'.
Why did the donut go to the doctor?
He was feeling crumby.
What happened to the pig who liked pineapple? He turned into a porky-pine!
What do you call a pear with loose morals?
A prostifruit.
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
Some cherry puns are just pit-i-ful.
Did you hear about the pick-up artist who only ever wears green leaves on his head? Yeah, he’s definitely a pineapple smoothie.
What cut of meat do you get from an extremely tired butcher?
A filet mid-yawn
If you can't get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries.
I dropped a bottle of ketchup on my foot.
It caused immense pain to ma toes.
What did the duck eat for lunch? Soup and Quackers.
How can you make a computer system cry? Delete his cookies.
Q: What would a peach love to pet?
A: A Pit Bull.
What do you call a chicken staring at a salad?
Chicken sees a salad.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
Why don’t these children eat their soup? Because all of them is stew-pid.
HELP! It's a taco emergency!
Dial 9 Juan Juan!
How do two cherries make up after an argument? They cherry the hatchet.
This is a taco and burrito conversation.
Nachos.
Despite his puns being so orange-inal, nobody really likes them.
You’re wine in a million.
What’s the best view you can get in our galaxy? A view of the milky way from mars.
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
A cup of coffee is the ideal start to a brew-tiful morning!
The late actor Sir Sean Connery was a big fan of the onion because well, he usshed to love them shh-allot.
What did the cherry say when it won its third Olympic gold medal? That's just the cherry on top of a successful career.
The only thing that looks like half a strawberry is the other half.
There’s this corn on the cob stand that I really like, but it started making ads
They were really corny.
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