What did the aged cheddar say when his mom told him he couldn’t see a movie that was rated R?
“I’m mature for my age.”
What do you call Chewbacca with chocolate stuck in its fur?
chocolate chip wookiee.
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
A lemon got a job in a vinegar factory last week...
Starting salary was $15 per sour.
When do franks tell insults? At a wienie roast!
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
Q: Why did the orange cross the road?
A: Because everyone thought he was a chicken.
I got my paycheck with a lemon slice on it today...
turned out my ex-wife was garnishing my wages.
What did the boss pig say to the pig worker for not working fast enough? “chop chop slow pork”.
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?
When it’s been sliced.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
What’s a donut’s favorite lullaby?
“Sprinkle, Sprinkle Little Star.”
What would you call a steak that leaped off the table and ran away? Fast food, of course.
Why doesn't cheddar like to party with crackers? Someone always cuts the cheese.
Who’s an apple’s favorite relative?
Granny.
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
Why don't cows have any money? Because farmers milk them dry
What do you call corn that joins the army?
Kernel.
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
An inspirational speaker came to speak at the fruit stand today. He told us to peach for the stars.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
My wife misplace the sugar with the salt in her sugar cookies.
It was sodium disgusting.
Why did the croissants take the donuts and bagels to Disneyland?
They thought it would be fun for the hole family.
What was the event of the onion family getting back together called as? A family reonion.
What do you call solid gold bananas? A bunch of money.
What is a dessert called with an extra chromosome?
A chocolate downie.
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
How much does a corn flake weigh?
1 Kelloggram.
Why is green ice cream so serendipitous?
It was mint to be.
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling.
I’d like to tell a joke about salt but then said to myself: "Na."
You’re the tater to my tot. I miss you a lot!
I found a sour strawberry today. It was berry bad.
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry
Onions was a good dog
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
Where did the garlic clove go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
Why don't bananas snore?
Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
So I was standing in the grocery store comparing the prices of a couple packs of hummus when my roommate came up to me and suggest the off brand roasted red pepper kind to which I replied:
"Ya, I'm not really sure about that brand. They seem to be very hit and hummus for me."
He was not impressed.
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
What's so special about twitter alphabet soup? It only has 140 letters.
How do you know when a cheese is full of himself?
Whatever you say, he’ll say he is feta.
I lost 90 pounds in 30 days on the juice diet
Every day I bought one juice for 3 pounds.
Go to BabaMail
