When do franks tell insults? At a wienie roast!
Who is the most powerful potato? Darth Tater.
What was the Peach's favorite surf band from the 60's? The Peach Boys.
Nearly got knocked off of my bike by a council salt lorry.
You idiot, I shouted. Through gritted teeth.
Why did the donut go to a therapist?
He felt empty inside.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.
And speaking of meloncholy, I heard that’s what you get when you cross a watermelon and broccoli.
"Be kind, re-wine."
Did you hear the joke about the donut? Probably not, it was crummy!
Did you know that milk is a very religious beverage? Most of them are pastor-ized.
Q: What kind of decisions do peaches make?
A: Fruitful ones.
Did you hear about the fruit who was convicted of armed robbery?
“Now he’s a waterfelon.”
"Chardonnay or should I go?"
I got my paycheck with a lemon slice on it today...
turned out my ex-wife was garnishing my wages.
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
I saw a strawberry with a gun, robbing a man. I am guessing he was in a jam.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
What did the newspaper say to the ice cream? What's the scoop
Did you hear about the cheese failed to medal at the olympics? It fell at the final curdle
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
Husband: "These pears a perfect right now."
Me: "Would you say they're 'pear-fect'?"
Happy Hour is at wine o’ clock
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
Why do ice cream cones make such good journalists?
They always get a scoop.
What did Shakespeare say as he was making a cheese plate?
To brie or not to brie.
What do you call a pickle from the southern backwoods.
A hill-dilly.
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets Jalapeno business.
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
What is an astronauts favorite chocolate? A marsbar!
What do you call a pastry that is a priest? A Holy Donut!
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
What does a hippy cherry wear to a festival? A pie dye T-shirt.
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
He says to the doctor, "Help me Doc, what's the matter with me?"
The doctor replies, "That's easy. You're not eating properly."
What do prison tennis matches and strawberry jam have in common?
Cons-serve
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
What do you do when you try to bake a cherry pie for the first time and it doesn't turn out so well? Just wait for the second bite of the cherry.
What does a priest put on his salad?
Lettuce spray.
The man on the table found hair in his soup. He said in rage "I will take the chef to soup-reme court".
There’s muffin I wouldn’t do for breakfast.
How did the cheese get such curly hair?
It got a permasan.
Q: Who is Peach’s favorite actor?
A: Brad Pit.
When soup feels strained and stressed, where would it go? – A broth-el!
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle?
“An Orange County Chopper.”
A cabbage said to a DJ “lettuce turnip the beet!”
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
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