I tried wild ox milk
Turns out I'm yak-tose intolerant
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
Did you hear about the butcher who sat on his bacon slicer?
He got a little behind in his deliveries.
What is a chillin' banana's favorite song?
Mellow Yellow!
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
"Time to wine down."
Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today's onions from onionderthals.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
A potato gave a gift to his girlfriend.She said, “Aww, why are you so sweet? ”He said, “It’s just the
way I yam.”
Did you know, you can actually hide a gigantic elephant in a cherry tree? All you need to do is paint its toenails red. I bet you don’t believe me – but have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? I rest my case.
Why didn’t the pineapple fit in with the other fruit? Because it’s rough around the edges.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
What's a hen's favorite shipping company?
Federal Egg-spress.
My friend mashed up some cherries on halloween and said they were blood. I was cherry-fied!
What did the salt say after it was pepper-sprayed?
That's nothing to sneeze at.
How do you spot a radical baker?
They’re always going against the grain.
What happens when you buy too much ice cream?
Breyer’s remorse.
What do you get when you use a cookie cutter shaped like a deer? Cookie doe!
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
Do you know why does your mother often shave a peach when cooking? Because she only needs nectarines for the recipe.
What do you find if you hang from a cherry tree for hours and hours? You find that your arms get sore.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
What did the nectarine say after the church service? The peacher gave a great sermon!
What do chemists make guacamole out of?
Avogadros.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
I have a friend who has been diagnosed with a phobia of sausages. She always fears the wurst.
Why should you live a pineapple life? Because Life is sweet.
The scientist was meticulous about his strawberry pies. He rounded up the protein content of his pie at 3.14.
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
So apparently coles has a new thing where you can only have one salad per transaction
They’re calling it coleslaw..
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes?
To make them light and fluffy.
"Great minds drink alike."
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
What do you call a cold little taco?
A brrr-ito.
Why did you find a stoned able Sherlock Holmes applying ketchup to your front yard ??
Because he's a high-functioning sauce-your-path.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
Why does Elton John HATE lettuce?
Becuase he's a ROCKET MAN...
What do you call it when 13 preschoolers have just had their juice?
A Daycare's Buzzin'.
The fruit politician is losing its support in the country because of hate peach.
Why did he skeleton go to the barbecue? To get another rib.
Whenever the peach gets angry, it looks at my face and screams: “You are just a peach of sh*t!”
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
What do you call really scared pasta?
Chicken noodles.
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
What is the most affordable type of meat? Deer, it is always under a buck a pound.
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