What did one cheese say to the other during philosophy class?
“I dis a brie.”
"Adulting makes me wine."
What was the ice cream cone’s naughty pick up line?
Wanna lick me?
The manager at the bread store told the baker that he had to stop loafing around. The baker said that it was his job.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
I love the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies They smell just like burned toast
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
The young lady had to throw her toaster in the trash. She was diagnosed as black-toast intolerant.
Soup is only musical when it is piping hot.
Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
He heard it was a Goodyear!
I thought of a new joke that started in a corn field.
But I'm not going to post it bc it's too corny.
What do you call it when Satan steals your guacamole?
Playing Devil’s Avocado.
It’s not often that you find an eye anywhere but on the face. Cows, however, have a rib eye.”
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
What did the steak say to his enemy? I have a T-bone to pick with you!
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
What do you feed the son of god? Cheeses of Nazareth.
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A tea party.
What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you're bacon my heart melt.
Why shouldn’t you go into business with a watermelon?
“They’re seedy.”
I asked my nectarine friend how she was doing after her break up and she said 'It's the pits, man.'
What do cannibals eat for dessert? Chocolate covered aunts.
Did you hear about the butcher who got into danger? His life was at steak!
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
What drink do you need to steal? Virgin-tea. Why do hipsters only drink iced tea? Because ice was water before it was cool.
All the contestants at the pig Olympics were very happy with their prizes. They each won pork medallions.
When the unripe strawberry saw the ripe one, it was green with envy.
What do you say to an avocado who’s done a good job?
“Bravocado!”
Do you know why does your mother often shave a peach when cooking? Because she only needs nectarines for the recipe.
"I'd like to make a toast!", said the bread to the bride on her wedding day.
If Megan Fox is a cake, then what is Amanda Bynes? A fruitcake.
I love meat. I think going vegetarian would be a big missed steak.
What cheese surrounds a medieval castle? Moatzeralla
You know what they say about ice cream parents?
They play flavorites.
They fired the loaf of bread from her job. They say that she kept breaking down and would rye on the job.
What is a strawberry that likes to spin called? A berry-go-round.
The other day I asked an Alaskan guy if he wanted to eat some seal meat.
He wasn’t really inuit
What's a pickle's life philosophy?
Never a dill moment.
Why do basketball players love cookies? Because they can dunk them!
The kindergarten kids were taught the alphabet and peach sounds at school.
I love you from my head tomato
Swallowing a cherry stone is not the end of the world. It’s just one of life’s little pitfalls.
At a meeting, Mr. Tomato asked Mr. Peach, "Can you give me the peach cobbler's number, I need to mend my shoes".
I met him yesterday, he was on his way to meet the counselor for a peach therapy session.
What is a butcher’s favorite Elvis Presley song? Love Meat Tenders.
Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods?
Because they're in-bred.
Why did the banana fail his driving test? He kept peeling out.
My wife misplace the sugar with the salt in her sugar cookies.
It was sodium disgusting.
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