I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
Why didn’t I believe what the cheese salesman told me?
It was too gouda to be true.
Cows love music. In fact, they even have a favourite note: beef flat.
Cherry pie will set you back 10 dollars in Antigua, but 15 in Barbados. Yes, those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
While cutting the onions, my eyes were leek-ing tears
What do you call a baby lion on lettuce?
Cub Salad.
What type of window do donuts prefer in their homes?
Double glazed.
The young lady had to throw her toaster in the trash. She was diagnosed as black-toast intolerant.
"Adulting makes me wine."
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
I caught my sister click and post a picture of the soupy noodles yesterday. She was actively instagramen.
What kind of salad do termites eat?
House salad
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?
Because it was marble cake!
Tea pun-packed poem for my mum's birthday card
It’s been oolong time since my mum was born,
About Six-tea years to date,
Chai as you might, you can’t possible list,
her cupious amazing traits
Her balanced demeanour
Her Kindness and (earl) grace,
rooibost sense of humour,
too many to name in this teany space,
to pekoe out just a few does not do her justice,
let’s not stir things up and cause more of a ruckus,
While this ode may be (chamo)miles away from a Maya Angelou,
It’s just an obnoxious way to say how very matcha I love you.
I got canned from a Orange juice factory...
Just couldn't concentrate.
Have you ever wondered if illiterate people would get the full effects of alphabet soup?
What does the ginger bread man put on his bed? A cookie sheet.
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
A cable TV installer walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender says, "You'll be served sometime between 7am and 2pm."
Join us for a slice of fun.
The pineapple is pining for the summer.
What are strange donuts made out of?
Weird-doughs.
What did the pineapple say to the pineapple chunk? Stay golden.
Why is it called Almond Milk?
Because no one would buy it if it was called Nut Juice.
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
Did you hear about the banana who went to the doctor's because he wasn't peeling very well?
Why do ice cream cones make such bad athletes?
They always get licked.
What drives cheese crazy?
That everyone around them is crackers.
No one laughed at my soup puns. I said "When I crack a soup joke, everyone is soup-posed to laugh".
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn't get his stilton.
Have you ever seen the episode of VeggieTales directed by Tarantino?
It’s called Mango Unchained.
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
Happy Birthday to my best spud….get it? ? Spud…bud? ?
What do they do when the fruit educator is sick? They bring in a substitute peacher.
Why does cheese look normal? Because everyone else on the plate is crackers.
I have a friend who has been diagnosed with a phobia of sausages. She always fears the wurst.
When do you put paprika on eggs? Fry-Day.
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
I was asked why I love to clean lemon juice from windows, to which I replied
“It’s easy peasy lemon squeegee.”
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to open the door.
How does the recipe for German Sauerbraten begin? "First invade ze kitchen."
Teacher: What are the seasons? Student: Salt, pepper, ginger...
"No wine left behind."
The informant obtained their information by burying themselves in the ground, disguised with a crown and some rind. Police called him the pineapple plant.
I miss you! I’ll see you tater!
Why couldnt the pumpkin have kids?
He had a halloweener.
What do you call half a head of lettuce?
The Romaine-der.
What is the best part of Valentine’s day?
The day after, when all the chocolate goes on sale.
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