Why does the yogi meditate under the citrus tree?
Because it’s a sub-lime spot.
When everyone agreed with Hulk at breakfast that they love waffles more, he said, "Not all heroes wear crepes."
"You are so bottlefull to me."
What do butchers say after they meet someone new? “Mince to meat you.”
Why was the burger sad? Because he had the blue cheese.
I can’t remember who it’s by, but you could have “It Started With A Hershey’s Kiss”.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
What do you call a rifle that shoots salt?
A salt rifle.
Why do ice cream cones make such bad athletes?
They always get licked.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
What does a pizza say when it wants to cuddle?
Fold me close.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese!
Me: "Alexa check my bank balance and tell me which apple product can I buy?"
Alexa- "Apple juice."
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
What does a cat lady say on Friday night?
I am drinking wine and feline fine!
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
Have you heard about the new meat that’s taking the world by storm? It’s a cross between a cow and a chicken. They call it “roost beef”.
What did the commedian say after after a bad set?
That crowd was laughtose intolerant.
How did Reese eat her soup? Witherspoon.
Strawberries are the most bullied of the fruits.
They're always getting picked on.
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
When the peach lost her mother, it left a deep pit in her heart.
A cable TV installer walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender says, "You'll be served sometime between 7am and 2pm."
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
What Welsh cheese must you always eat with caution? Caerphilly
I thought about making a new condiment that was a mixture of Ketchup and Mustard.
But then I decided the name KetchTard would be pretty MustUp.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
Some types of meat like to play around a lot. These are generally the game types.
What do you call young avocados?
Avokiddos.
If your team loses the Souper Bowl, then be prepared for a lot of boouillons from your fans.
Ever heard of French Donuts?
They’re the Beigne of my existence.
What’s the best time to eat a peach while watching a NASCAR race? During the pit stop!
One day, my stepfather ordered some fish tacos. I asked him what kind of fish goes in a fish taco.
He said, "Dead."
Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!
Don't be a jerk-o-lantern
When the baby onion died just after being born, the doctors classified it as an o-neonatal death.
What do you call two watermelons that are not allowed to get married? A couple of can’t- elopes.
What do you call a baby potato? Small fry.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
One should always practice what they peach.
Why is it better to smell roses and lemons than a pile of poop?
It’s just plain common scents.
A fruit was madly in love, it was peachy–keen.
What’s the difference between a delivery driver and the pizza they deliver?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
What did the cherry say when it was given a bunch of flowers? You are cherry sweet.
Why would an oreo cookie need to visit a dentist? To get a filling replacement.
What do you call two cookies from the same cookie sheet who fall in love? A batch made in heaven.
Who's a pickle's favorite artist?
Salvador Dilli.
At a meeting, Mr. Tomato asked Mr. Peach, "Can you give me the peach cobbler's number, I need to mend my shoes".
What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag
A tea bag stays longer in the cup.
What do you call royal pineapple? Your pine-ness.
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
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