Who tells the best egg jokes?
Comedi-hens.
Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
"Will you accept this rosé?"
"I need to re-wine my life."
My girlfriend said we aren't getting married until she has a pear shape
It's the reason we cantaloupe
What did the daddy potato say to his son before his soccer game? I’m rooting for you!
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
What drink do goalies hate? Penal-tea.
How do you make an apple turnover? Push it down hill.
What did the cheese say after escaping the mouse? I'm Brieeee!
What do you call a lamb covered in chocolate? A Candy Baa. Did you hear about the love affair between Mr. Goodbar and Peppermint Patty? They had a baby, Ruth.
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !
My car smelled like bacon when I got home.
My porking brake was on.
"Here for the right riesling."
What does a piece of cheese tell you during a game of tag?
Cheez it.
What were the cheese’s wedding vows?
To havarti and to hold.
If you speak Hebrew and life gives you lemons...
You're an acidic Jew.
The old and wise onion had once told me that life is similar to onions. Whenever we peel off our protective layers, we end up crying.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
How do you catch King Kong? Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.
Cherries are actually great at a lot of different sports. Their favorite one, in case you were wondering, is archerry.
the difference between a pizza and my pizza jokes?
My pizza jokes can’t be topped!
My brother gave me whole milk, but I can only have nut milk with my cereal. How dairy!
What do peach soldiers say to each other before they are sent into combat? – “Good luck and make sure you come back in one peach!”
The nectarine academic is doing a Ph.D. in 'Peach and Language Psychology' from the University of Georgia.
Nearly got knocked off of my bike by a council salt lorry.
You idiot, I shouted. Through gritted teeth.
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
Why do hens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they'd break.
National Herbs and Spices Day is celebrated annually on June 10.
Sherlock Holmes enters a room carrying a box of lemons
"Where'd you get those?" asks Watson.
"A lemon tree, my dear Watson. A lemon tree."
What kind of birthday cake do they serve in heaven?
Angel food cake.
Do you know what firemen often add to their soup? – They add firecrackers.
What is the difference between pea soup and roast beef? Everyone would roast beef.
What is a chocolate covered car called?
A Ferrari Rocher
My love for you sprouts more and more everyday!
The chocolate couple decided to rent a two bedroom sweet for their summer honeymoon.
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
What does a meditating egg say?
Ohmmmmmmmlet.
Why did the hummus blush?
Because it saw a chickpea!
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
How do two cherries make up after an argument? They cherry the hatchet.
My father loves eating reams of soup. That is the reason why I think he should be nominated to the Soup – ream – court!
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
A crayon that looks like a strawberry is usually called a cranberry.
Just found a fly in my beer. I'm feeling buzzed.
"Sip happens."
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