What kind of apple isn't an apple? A pineapple. What did the apple say to the apple pie? "You've got some crust."
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
What kind of cheese makes the best music?
Brieoncé.
My boss accused me of "acting the monkey" at work.
I almost choked on my banana.
Plain popcorn? You can do butter than that.
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
What kind of fish is only made of salt.
A tu-na.
Did you hear that the Lemon and the Orange divorced?
The Lemon was very bitter.
Why do the hot dogs with ketchup spoil early?
Because the sauce ages.
How far can a mango,
If he's got a license but doesn't avocado ?
If you want day-old soup, then come back here tomorrow!
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
Since her parents wanted to become wealthy fast, they ensured their daughter had an orange-d marriage.
Two hot dogs were having a race. One overtook the other, who called out “I see you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup with me!”
The fruit politician is losing its support in the country because of hate peach.
Thanks to you, I’m saddled with unnecessary peelings.
"Back that glass up."
What is John Lennon's favorite donut? Strawberry' Filled Forever.'
What was the main job of the bread truck? To haul buns.
What did one hummus say to the other hummus
“Sabra.”
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
What do you call pears with no ears?
Deaf.
What happens when you buy too much ice cream?
Breyer’s remorse.
How much does a corn flake weigh?
1 Kelloggram.
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
The cold broth is known to have lived in Stock-holm.
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
Why was the salad late to the dinner party?
He was waiting for his wife to get dressing.
How did the Iceland repel the bananas attack? By freezing them
I heard that my neighbor, who loved dried fruit, has passed away. May his soul rest in peach.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
Why did the hamburger dress up as a computer? Because he wanted to be a Big Mac.
Why did the hare go to the taco truck?
He couldn't beat the tortas.
My business that sells strawberry juice has gone into liquidation
I didn’t have a map of the corn maze, so I had to play it by ear.
Why did the clock in the donut shop run slow?
It always went back four seconds
What do you drink with the Queen of England? Royal-Tea.
Why didn’t the peach do well on its ACT? Because when it comes to education, it only gets a little STEM.
What do you call real bacon?
Genuswine
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
What do you call a socialite made of cheese?
Paris Stilton.
This pizza party is the perfect topping to a great summer.
How do you know it’s getting kind of serious with a cheese lover?
They tell you they are pretty fondue you.
What do teapots wear to a tea party? A T-shirt.
What do you call Chewbacca with chocolate stuck in its fur?
chocolate chip wookiee.
You should never give milk to someone who is open minded and hasn't yet had breakfast. They're lack-toast and tolerant.
What do you get from an Alaskan cow ? Ice Cream
What was the watermelon’s naughty pick-up line?
“Want to see my melons?”
Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods?
Because they're in-bred.
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