Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
Why shouln’t you rub avocado in your eyes?
You might get guacoma.
Why did Bill's friend get covered in beer?
Because William Shakes Beer.
Did you hear about the unlucky man who bought some bananas? They were empty.
My son just tried to tell me a joke about pumpkins.
Oh, gourd, was it awful.
What's green and wears a cape?
Super Pickle.
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
The butcher’s life was at steak when the meat market caught fire.
What am I? A tea bag you dirty minded human...
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
Why will you never meet an ice cream workaholic?
They know how to chill out.
Why is green ice cream so serendipitous?
It was mint to be.
Where's a pickle's favorite place to go in London?
Pickle-dilly Square.
I found a sour strawberry today. It was berry bad.
What does a lemon pie and my wife have in common?
They both have meringue on them.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
Q: Where do fruits manufacture their money?
A: Peach Mint.
Who does the nectarine just do a hair transplant? Because it wants to become a peach.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite type of music?
R n’ Brie.
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
What did the toast say to the psychic?
You bread my mind!
Why would the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch.
In the last peach race, I put $30 peach way on two new racers.
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
What drink brings you down to earth? Gravi-Tea.
Q: What kind of desserts does a turkey like?
A: Peach gobbler.
Can I have your last avocado?
Avocadon’t you dare.
What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.
Why does the cookie monster fear the gingerbread man? Because he’s one tough cookie.
I have a beer snob friend with Photophobia. He hates natural light.
Why should you bake bacon on an asteroid on its way to Earth ?
It's meteor.
What do you call people avoiding healthy fats?
Avocadonts.
A storefront that boasts a fruit pun, just peachy.
He is the best chef in the city. His soups take my broth away.
"Stop and smell the rosé."
Swallowing a cherry stone is not the end of the world. It’s just one of life’s little pitfalls.
One bowl of soup said to the other, "Hello Broth-er".
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
What did the perverted pumpkin use for his pick-up line?
Hey gourd-geous! Wanna go back to my place and squash?
I met a girl that owned three french-fry factories. I was impressed but to her it was just small potatoes.
Did you hear about the cheese lover who took his girlfriend for granted?
How dairy.
I saw a strawberry with a gun, robbing a man. I am guessing he was in a jam.
Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory?
“Lack of concentration.”
What do you call corn with red, white and blue kernels?
Americorn.
If you want to wish a 'Merry Christmas' to a strawberry, just say, "Straw-berry Christmas!'"
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream?
It was icing on the cake.
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