I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a pot. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
How does a vampire make tea? With a used tampon.
Where's the best place to get information about eggs?
The hen-cyclopedia.
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
Not only did I have a good time at Taco Bell
I had a Baja Blast
I always wondered why the watermelon loving librarian never touched any of the books; turns out she’d red them all.
Why are cherries unassuming? Because they often get made into humble pie.
A sad peach can be really pit-iful, sometimes.
What's a nervous person's favorite drink?
Insecuri tea!
What do you see at a funeral for a piece of fruit? Apple-bearer.
Taco Bell overcooked my food
I asked for a brrrr-ito and an en-chill-ata.
What did the therapist say to the pineapple? Look on the bright side.
Potato puns are a-peeling.
“We are experiencing slight tuber-lence on the flight”
Do you know how the pineapple feeds her children? She gives them milk from her pinenipples!
When I went to the shop to buy some strawberries, they didn't have any. It was such a fruitless trip.
My friend: *Throws salt at me*
Me: Don’t assault me!
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.
Why wasn't the bag boy allowed to work at the juice bar?
Because baggers cant be juicers.
What hotel do cheese lover’s stay in?
The Stilton.
How do you know when a potato is in a bad mood? When they are acting salty
Everybody romaine calm.
Did you hear about the watermelon who starred in a telanovella?
“It was melondramatic.”
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
Did you hear that the diet clinic was doing great business? They say that it’d really take your breadth away.
I have a friend who has been diagnosed with a phobia of sausages. She always fears the wurst.
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
What do you call a musical lime?
John Lemon.
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
Some very good advice strawberries give to their children is to respect their elder-berries.
If you search for pictures of corn on Google you'll only get stalk pictures.
How do monsters like their eggs?
Terri-fried.
I used to sell loose onions
Until I got the sack
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
The reason he went smiling all the way to the jail is because the judge sentenced him to a life behind chocolate bars.
What did the piece of Cheddar say to the ghost? I'm Lac-ghost intolerant
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake?
“What’s eating you?”
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
What did the steak say when he came across his nemesis? Ah, we meat again!”
What is John Lennon's favorite donut? Strawberry' Filled Forever.'
The strawberry went out with the grape only because he couldn't find a date.
Our daughter eats her corn one kernel at a time.
She's a unicorn.
What is the name of the onion ring that cannot but be funny? It is a Funyon!
What kind of cookies do poor people want during Halloween? Fortune cookies.
The watermelon thief was charged with robbery with violence, but the judge later changed that to a minor felony; or melony as he put it.
What do you call a pumpkin that can slam dunk a basketball?
Michael Gourdan.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle?
“An Orange County Chopper.”
This year for Valentine's day I got my wife the ace of hearts and packets of corn flour, rice flour and self raising flour
She wasn't happy. Apparently it wasn't what she meant when she said she just wanted a card and flowers.
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