The pancake was quiet because it did not like to waffle.
"You're the wine that I want."
If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make ? Slippers
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
What is a vampire who loves eating strawberry jam called? A jampire.
Did you hear about the man who stole thousands of dollars worth of rare tea?
He went to prison for Oolong time.
What do you call a baker with a cold?
Coughee cake.
How do hot dogs greet each other? They say “give me some skin!”
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
Why did the thief steal a pig? Because he was a hamburglar.
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
Why did the pig become an actress? Because she was a real ham!
Singular: One mango
Plural: Two menwent
My mother says: “Leave that peach cobbler alone on the table!” However, I cannot help myself and sneak in to watch it making beautiful peach shoes.
My mom likes to feed everyone the soup she makes. She said it is her broth right.
Why did the pumpkin pie go to a dentist?
Because it needed a filling.
It is really rare to find the most perfectly cooked steak.
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
What happened when the beer got divorced?
It became bitter.
What do murderers drink? Cruel-tea.
What kind of cheese makes the best music?
Brieoncé.
Why was the guy looking for fast food on his friend? Because his friend said dinner is on me.
Why did they put Viagra in chocolate bars? You eat it, She says, "Oh, Oh Henry!"
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
Why didn’t the pineapple fit in with the other fruit? Because it’s rough around the edges.
The two slices of bread decided to leave the bakery. I heard that they wanted to grow mold together.
Nut cookies are the best gifts for nutty friends.
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
Why does a little cherry always look up to its parents? It tries to follow in their fruitsteps.
How do you get a musician off your front porch?
Pay for the pizza.
My dog is sad after eating her favorite fruit and getting wet from the juice.
She's a watered melancholy watermelon collie.
Are there any funny red wine puns at BabaMail Jokes?
You bet Shiraz there are!
What’s the only fruit that never gets lonely?
A pear.
Did you hear about the policeman who tried to make love to a bacon slicer?
He had a tip off.
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
How can you spot a fashionista donut?
They’re into all the latest glazes.
What did the ice cream cone write on his valentine card?
You make me melt.
Don't be a jerk-o-lantern
You say "easy peasy lemon squeezy"
... but I prefer "depressed stressed lemon zest."
How do you know when a potato is in a bad mood? When they are acting salty
What is a chocolate covered car called?
A Ferrari Rocher
What did the cheese say after escaping the mouse? I'm Brieeee!
A packing plant received a load of lettuce to process. The workers grabbed the boxes quickly from the top and the bottoms fell out spilling the produce.
The boss yells, grab the boxes by the bottom, or heads are going to roll!
Why do pumpkins never quarrel? Because they have no stomach for fighting.
No one laughed at my soup puns. I said "When I crack a soup joke, everyone is soup-posed to laugh".
How do comedians like their eggs?
Funny side up.
Why is the baby strawberry crying?
Because its parents are jamming
He says to the doctor, "Help me Doc, what's the matter with me?"
The doctor replies, "That's easy. You're not eating properly."
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad to see me?
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
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