I switched labels in my wife's spice cabinet.
She hasn't noticed, but the thyme is cumin.
Why did the orange lose the race?
“Because it got Im-peached.”
Why did Mrs. Wine Grape run away from home?
She was tired of raisin a family.
What's the difference between a bipolar person and a loft full of lemons?
One's a bit erratic and the other's a bitter attic.
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym?
Hard core.
What currency do fruit use to make purchases?
Banana bread!
I got my paycheck with a lemon slice on it today...
turned out my ex-wife was garnishing my wages.
Why should you make a cherry pie for someone that you miss? Because absence bakes the heart grow fonder.
Challah if you see me in the streets. Will do.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
The orange was really sad at the event because it had no peelings whatsoever for the desperate prune.
What's an astronaut's favorite meat? Launch meat!
What cheese should you use to hide a horse? Mascarpone.
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
Whenever the peach gets angry, it looks at my face and screams: “You are just a peach of sh*t!”
A musical strawberry jam that knows how to play the trumpet is called Tooty fruity.
Where do bananas go to learn to be sweet?
Sundae School.
Why does every watermelon want to be in the Guinness book of records? Because there’s a lot of watermelon smashing to be done.
What kind of face cream does a strawberry buys?
Blackhead removal cream and scrub
Why couldn’t the orange dance in the talent show without his partner?
Because it takes two to “tang-o.”
How do you describe a polite german lemon?
Bitte(r)
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
What does it do before it rains candy? It sprinkles! What do you call dancing chocolate bar? Nestle Crunk bar.
hat did the pizza slicer say when he wanted to rob the pizza?
“Hand over the dough or I’ll cut you!”
You have two cows, but only milk one. Your friend asks you…
"What about the udder one?"
What did the Mexican heavy metal guitarist say to his bandmates?
“Rock out with your guac out.”
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
Why did the daddy peach teach the child peach to shave? He was starting to grow peach fuzz.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
What kind of eggs does a confused chicken lay?
Scrambled eggs.
Lemonade and iced tea make an Arnold Palmer. What do you get when you Mix Lemonade with a tea bag?
Benedict Arnold Palmer
What do we call a chicken inside a hot tub? – It is called soup.
What do you sing to cows on their birthdays?
Happy birthday to moo…
What do you call a cow in a rooster costume? Roost beef.
What is a pizza’s favorite movie?
Pie hard.
What's the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg? Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose.
What do you call a cow that has 1 leg? Steak
A cup of coffee is the ideal start to a brew-tiful morning!
What do you call a cute donut?
A-dough-able.
What’s the National Donut Day theme song?
“Donut Stop Believing.”
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy? Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
When Berry the dog dug up the woman's strawberry patch, she angrily exclaimed "That is the final straw, Berry."
Which Oiler great had a soft spot for Indian food? Jari Curry.
If your team loses the Souper Bowl, then be prepared for a lot of boouillons from your fans.
When the peach pit farewell to his friend, he said, "See you later, peach out".
Do you hear about the pineapple and honeydew who try to get married? The court says that they cant – eloupe.
Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? Frankenswine, or you can go see Hamlet.
What does the ginger bread man put on his bed? A cookie sheet.
What makes the soup of a dragon so delicious is the addition of firecrackers.
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