What is a dessert called with an extra chromosome?
A chocolate downie.
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
Why was the white wine's off-beat pun so boo-ed?
Because it was too corky.
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
What do you call someone who’s crazy about corn?
A corn-ivore!
Q: How do you call a magic berry?
A: Cherry Potter.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.
What excuse did the late watermelon give his boss? He said be there in 5 boss, I’m just rind the corner.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
I've been on a real hummus kick lately, so as I came home from work tonight, my sister says to me "You're always bringing home hummus now." To which I replied, "Hummus where the heart is!"
What do you call a fat kid who likes chocolate milk?
An OvalTeen
People really liked the new king's coronation day peach. He truly deserves the throne.
You really ate dog meat? How was it?
.... ruff
What do you get when you hghyphotocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
Are you a taco?
Cause you sure taco lot
The pancake thought he was the best breakfast food because nobody stacked up to him.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
How good is a Coney Island gyro? Feta than se*.
I have so mushroom in my heart for you.
Q: What’s red and invisible?
A: No cherries.
You might be startled to see a hamburger working out in your local gym. Don’t worry, they’re just there because they want better buns.
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
A lemon got a job in a vinegar factory last week...
Starting salary was $15 per sour.
What fruit loves chocolate?
A cocoa nut.
My local ice cream man was found dead in his garage covered in strawberry sauce and hundreds and thousands.
Police believe he topped himself.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.
How is ice cream as a girlfriend?
The sweetest.
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
I had a meal recently that was made with ketchup and mustard.
It was delicious! My condiments to the chef!
I saw a pun on chocolate bars but it wasn’t that fun
So I just snickered.
The police officer only had soups for dinner. He was a soup-erintendent.
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
What is the similarity between a superhero and an onion? They both have layers.
How long does it take to brew Chinese tea? Oolong time.
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
When a man went to the doctor to get rid of the strawberry that was growing out of his head, the doctor told him, "Don't worry. I'll give you some cream for that".
What is Bruce Lee’s favourite fruit? Wataaaaar melooooon?
What’s a calendars favorite fruit?
Dates.
Shucking takes lots of corn-centration.
What did the pastry chef say to his unsupportive father?
“Donut hole me back.”
Which type of wine do horses request most often?
Chardon-neigh.
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
If a crocodile makes shoes, what can you make out of a banana?
Slippers!
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
If you eat too many cherries, you can sometimes end up with digestive issues. It really is the pits.
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
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