What happens when you go on an all-cheese diet?
You cheddar few pounds.
What type of chocolate do they sell at the airport?
Plane Chocolate!
You have two cows, but only milk one. Your friend asks you…
"What about the udder one?"
What’s the healthiest part of a donut?
The middle.
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
Some people have to stop telling meat puns, because they simply butcher every single joke.
Do not be sad because of these bad words. You are always a fineapple in my heart.
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
How is ice cream as a girlfriend?
The sweetest.
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
You say "easy peasy lemon squeezy"
... but I prefer "depressed stressed lemon zest."
What's an astronaut's favorite meat? Launch meat!
Wine Lovers Rhyme: A friend of wine is a friend of mine!
Why did they put Viagra in chocolate bars? You eat it, She says, "Oh, Oh Henry!"
Potatoes that are medi-tators maintain calm and peace even when uprooted.
What does bread say to a friend after doing them a favor?
It’s the yeast I could do.
Did you hear about the watermelon who starred in a telanovella?
“It was melondramatic.”
What is a cheese lover’s favorite rap artist?
Feta wap.
"Say you'll be wine."
"Let's get fizzical. Pass the prosecco."
What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?
Port whine!
Somehow they knew I wanted champagne. It was chilling.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer?
Because his wife told him to ice it!
Tea pun-packed poem for my mum's birthday card
It’s been oolong time since my mum was born,
About Six-tea years to date,
Chai as you might, you can’t possible list,
her cupious amazing traits
Her balanced demeanour
Her Kindness and (earl) grace,
rooibost sense of humour,
too many to name in this teany space,
to pekoe out just a few does not do her justice,
let’s not stir things up and cause more of a ruckus,
While this ode may be (chamo)miles away from a Maya Angelou,
It’s just an obnoxious way to say how very matcha I love you.
What did the cherry say when it won its third Olympic gold medal? That's just the cherry on top of a successful career.
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
Q: Why did the fruit finish her homework so quickly?
A: Because the homework was a peach of cake.
What kind of face cream does a strawberry buys?
Blackhead removal cream and scrub
You and I make a deluxe combo.
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!
When the peach pit farewell to his friend, he said, "See you later, peach out".
When you come across a strawberry that uses foul language, it must be berry rude.
How do you spell banana? E, V, I, L. Do banana's drink coke or pepsi? Neither, they drink blood because they're evil.
Why were the kids throwing flour and bread at their school? They wanted to rise to the occasion.
As a butcher, let me advise you never to back up into the meat grinder. It will make you get a little behind in your work.
What happened to the cheery that showed up for the tomato auditions? He was called an imposter.
What is a terrorist's preferred kind of wine?
White Infidel.
What do you call bacon with salt on it
Salt and Peppa
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
Recently in a meeting at the greengrocer I work at, I asked my manager how he was doing. "Just peachy", he replied.
Nut cookies are the best gifts for nutty friends.
Ever heard of French Donuts?
They’re the Beigne of my existence.
We are thinking of spending the night at the peach house, by the shore.
How did the fruit get to Hawaii? The pineapple express.
It’s too bad the man couldn’t quit his job at the bakery. He really kneaded the dough.
What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy?
Sauvign-yawn blanc!
Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice
Why didn’t I believe what the cheese salesman told me?
It was too gouda to be true.
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